Utter Despondency

Utter Despondency

Waves crash
Into the centre of my mind,
Endlessly,
Like the resounding drum of my heart
Incessantly,
Like my constant yearning,
Breathlessly,
As when my eyes rest upon your face
And my heart thuds in silence.
The sun shines
And touches upon the shiny orbs
Known as my eyes,
But doesn’t touch beyond
The silver screen
Whose main focus is you.
And like a screen,
Nothing else registers
As you glide on by, unnoticing.
And just as a pillar of stone
Stands on the sidelines
Watching everything that moves,
Cold and complacent,
Lost but for the form that shapes it,
I look to you,
The beating heart of my life,
The crux of my mind,
The reason of my despair.
I live just to stare
Endlessly at your smiling face,
Knowing that it is hopeless to hope,
Like the standing pillar of stone.
And like the withering old oak,
Stands, lives, but is immobile,
Rooted to the earth
By long entanglements of life
Begotten by love.
And in all this,
The mind seeks to forget,
Seeks to discard the old hurts and feelings
Because in remembering,
It is the knife of the soul.
Rain falls from the silver screens,
Blurring the edges of reality
Melding fantasy into the mind to become one
Destroying all that is real.
As the heart plunges deeper
Into the never-ending darkness
Known to the depths as Despair.
And within the depths of despondency
The mind seeks to forget,
To dismember
The very images that wrack the soul
With chains of infinite length,
Rusted with age.
But with each dawning light,
There is remembrance.
And in remembering,
A sudden burst of sound
Enclosed within a mindless shell,
Fluttered behind my eyes
As a sudden gush of wind
Blew down the very existence
Of the wall known as my mind…