hold this hand

ive never took public transport to work before. the bright yellow moaning beside your ear in the morning making your stomach twist with the smell of countless people that sits in it before you. the taxi driver is always intiresting the only thing i question is how you never see the same driver twice, its basically the flip of a coin with drivers and there attitudes. to be honest even if its good in some sense that one of these people have some advice, i would never take it. everymorning is like...some new adventure, the stories,lies,advice,moans,compliments the anger and...just life itself all in one cold morning for the rest of your life. but its just people doing the people thing. but here i am again with my black suit combed hair to the side...my skinny little hands in my pocket wondering if i look good or just cold. but again...for some strange reason i'm not at work today but i know i should be. i'm back at the coffee shop standing outside and looking inside for what i do not know but it angers me that my life takes me here for a reason i wish i knew. what is this all about..everyones passing me by i can see it on the windows reflection.a whole world is going on behind me but i stand still with confusion and wonder on my side. no one is looking at me at all, inside and outside. who are you people today, who am i today, why am i here again. before i know it i am allready inside. did i walk?...i dont remember how..this place is empty but that cant be. the clutter of bodies i seen a second ago, or was it a second ago. i wish i knew. no sound of everything, not even the outside coming in or the smell of winter rush passing by me. i look around like a child in its pram passing down the street, red leather seats and shiny silver tables going all the way down and then turns a corner on the right were in all sense the bathrooms and staff rooms would be kept. no smell of coffee or waiter to drive me insane but just a friendly warmth that makes me sit down next to the window. the leather felt new and untouched and to be honest it was as if i felt safe as if i was getting a hug. my elbows rested on the shiny silver chrome table and there was not a mark on it. i look for a reflection in it but all i can see is the roof from were its looking down on the table, i look up to see a fan whizzing away to itself as if it had no purpose in life, even when its empty it still whizzes round and round making that relaxing noise you can only hear when its silent. for that whole time i forgot my worries and my life...i enjoyed something. and still i dont even know what it was...was it the never ending silence or the warmth of my tiny little world being alone with no one but colours and a view.
i can feel a smile inside but it dosent show. because confusion wants to know if it is ok to smile on the outside. there...a newspaper on the desk, ive never walked across a room so worry free. the tiles are black and white like a chess board and just like a child..i pick a colour to tiptoe on, white. newspaper looks fresh and unspoiled not one crese or a fold. well how about that, my picture on the front page...again. my familay should be proud of me and my work, but i dont work...do i? there is no noise when i open the newspaper. not a single foldout or small wind to mark how fast i opened it.
i love your suit today
your hair is fantastic
those shoes really finish the look
keep up the good work
i know youve been working hard

every page written the same and for the whole time i seen what it said, i felt great. tiptoe on the tiles maby black this time to go with my shoes...yeah why not. but why am i back at the door. i dont really want to leave here yet. am gonna say goodbye to it.
but whats this?...why is everyone sitting in those seats why the noise why the smoke and smell of everything where did you all come from...but no one looks up. i want to scream and fall into the tiles...not onto but into i want to know what is going on. but the door seems as tho its got my answer..i know whats out there and i cant bare to go back. but....tommorow is just around the corner, i hope