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Review Requests: ON
361 Public Reviews Given
374 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to imagine I've just taken a seat in the waiting room at a doctor's office and picked up a magazine to pass the time. Suddenly - what's this? - I stumble upon your little work of art. As a result of reading your story, either I will 1) I like it so much I MUST have it, so I stuff the magazine down the front of my shirt and hope the doctor isn't checking my heartbeat today, or 2) Become so nauseated at the ineptitude displayed by your chicken scratches that I will beg the doctor to consider me for an emergency euthanasia. Chances are it will be somewhere in the middle.
I'm good at...
I like to think I can recognize a good story when I see one. I can also recognize general structure errors, but it is important to realize that I 'ain't no stinkin' English teacher' either, so I probably won't catch everything. Besides, if it turns out what I'm reading is a real train wreck, it's likely I'll get frustrated with all the errors and shut the review down prematurely. I will try to be as constructively critical with your piece as I would wish for someone to be with mine. Okay?
Favorite Genres
Dark/Horror/Scary/Thriller/Suspense/Supernatural/Humor (intentional or otherwise)/Drama/Ghost...
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that says you didn't do your due diligence before sending it to me is -- in my mind -- a "crummy genre." Nor do I wish to read your political rants -- as enlightening as they may be...
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories/Fiction
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry! Unless you're convinced you have something that will sway me because it's A) Damned funny, or B) So sad I'll begin blubbering three verses into it. Otherwise, you'll probably cure my insomnia. Poetry ain't my strong suit, gang!
I will not review...
1) Your homework 2) Your kid's homework 3) Anything that suggests to me that you didn't even bother to use the spell check feature before sending it my way. In other words, if you sent me stuff because you are simply too lazy to correct the simple stuff yourself, then don't waste my time (or yours)! NOTE: ***Please keep it under 3k words; I want to have time to write my OWN stuff which can be ripped by some other reviewer - I deserve equal time, you know...***
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Frozen  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello there. Indelible Ink here. I'm reviewing your story because I hit 'random read' and happened upon this item. So, basically, that means that the reviewing gods have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny moments after reading this.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: Joanna, I'm not sure exactly what it is about this that reached out and grabbed me like it did, but the point is: IT DID!

What Stood Out (Favorably): I have to think that what struck me so much is - to me anyway - the stark frankness which made the whole scenario real to me. It came across to me as something which originated 'straight from the heart' which for me is an accomplishment unto itself, as most who know me very well at all wouldn't picture me getting drawn into something like this.

Your passioned plea to 'be loved back' in a circumstance where it appears virtually impossible for that to happen gave me chills - and an emotional reaction for me which rarely shows its face.

I don't really know what else to say, other than I don't generally give out 5's unless I really like something - and I found this to simply be a no-brainer.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: Nothing I can add. It's awesome.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do. I honestly enjoyed the read. Thanks a bunch.


Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelible Ink
indelibleink.writing.com

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
52
52
Review of The Eyes of Death  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello there. Indelible Ink here. I'm reviewing your story because I hit 'random review' and happened upon this item. So, basically, that means that the reviewing gods have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny moments after reading this.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: The title drew me in, so I had to give this one a look. The bad news is that the title also gave me a pretty good clue as to how the story was going to end up.

What Stood Out (Favorably): Having said that, I will also add that even though I guessed it was curtains for the woman, your ending still gave me a bit of a chill, so if you can still give me a jolt when I already know where the story is headed, you're clearly doing something right. (Translation: I thought it was well-written).

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: My only real criticism regarding the presentation is you don't differentiate between her thoughts and the story. In other words, you should consider using italics for her thoughts, so the readers don't have to figure out for themselves where she stops thinking, and the story resumes.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do. Good story; thanks for sharing.


Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelible Ink
indelibleink.writing.com

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
53
53
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello there. Indelible Ink here. I'm reviewing your story since you were kind enough to review one of mine recently. I sincerely hope this will be of some benefit to you

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: I like your style. You inject some humor into your writing - even if you're leaning in a darker direction. When done well, it can lull the reader into a false sense of security, so to speak. And then....WHAMO! Gotcha....

What Stood Out (Favorably): Again, you write in a comfortable style: easy to read and follow; you're not trying to show the world how many big words you learned in college. (I'm only half-joking about this; there are some writers who apparently feel obligated to have some of us scrambling for a dictionary a half-dozen times while reading their story). I had a creative writing instructor who always went with the KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) philosophy. I heartily agree.

Characters: I like the way you built up your two main characters, Julie & Santa/Sam. It was easy for me to create a mental image of the two conversing on the plane. You added just enough info about each through dialog to allow us to get a feel for the types of characters they were.

Story: Honestly - and I honestly mean this - I'm not sure why, but I had - for some reason - a hard time buying into the Santa on the plane scenario, although I don't know why I do, because the similarity was merely incidental to the story, anyway. But I'm just throwing it out there, and I wish I could provide more justification for my feeling that way.

Maybe it's attached to my trying to wrap my hands around a much younger man going after a woman Santa's age - quite aged, in any event - for no apparent reason. Since Josh was a boyfriend and Julie and him were still in a long distance relationship, I automatically saw Julie & Josh as in their early twenties. Him dumping Julie for somebody's granny just didn't work with me. Perhaps if you had indicated his (Santa's) wife was younger & flirtatious, or that Santa was well-off financially, I might have had an easier time swallowing the brie, as it were.

All the same, I have to give you points for surprising the heck out of me with the ending, as I never saw it coming. But again, perhaps, as written the scenario didn't seem plausible (or should I say 'Clausible?). Sorry - my twisted sense of humor leads me to comments like that...

Dialog: I thought the dialog was well done and convincing; told us much about the characters when they conversed. Good stuff.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: Again, I like your style of writing; if it ain't broke, don't fix it. And I really wish I knew what exactly about the story I could put my finger on and say, "AHA! That's what's missing!" or whatever, but I can't, but I might have come close(?)

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do. I know I will see more of your writing around the site, as I think you're very talented. (Providing that pesky law degree doesn't slow you down)! Either way, you'll be successful with both, I'm betting...

Thanks for sharing!


Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelible Ink
indelibleink.writing.com

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
54
54
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Elizabeth -

Disregard my earlier email wondering about the second version of your original story.

In my twisted little mind, that last sentence alters the entire context of the conversation leading up to the ending, and I think it's just a perfect final line, as it opens the door for all kinds of possibilities and scenarios!

I think the conversation could be juiced up a little to indicate just a tad bit more desperation in her comments - to imply she's in a really bad relationship and would really do anything to get out it!

"Twenty years ago, you said you'd do anything for me...Does that still apply?" Something like that, then the reader has to wonder if she wants this dude to whack her current hubby, or you know, something equally disturbing...

But to me, I think you made a huge leap simply by adding that last sentence.

Hope it works well for you in the contest!

Regards,

Jeff
55
55
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello there. Indelible Ink here. I'm reviewing your story per your request. I sincerely hope this will be of some benefit to you

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: As one who always exceeds the word count by at least 25% no matter if it's 400 or 4000 words, I can sympathize with fitting a decent story into 400 words. It's very difficult.

Story: As you did here, it's a good trick to reveal much about your characters AND the story via extensive use of dialog. I think you told me quite a bit in that manner.

A couple of items of note: In the second sentence, the guy speaks of their love in past tense. ("You were in love..."). However, the very next sentence, she speaks in the present tense ("Oh well, I guess I am!"). Is this intentional? I ask only because if it IS, it really renders the rest of the conversation moot because she's already answered the big question.

Later on, I'm guessing it's supposed to be 'swallow' rather then 'sallow'. On the other hand, I don't claim to know every word in the dictionary!

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: This is just me, but I think you revel too much to the reader with your story title and the short synopsis which accompanies it. Like the revelation in the third sentence, you really set the reader in of a position of saying, "But I already knew that!" which could be followed by some disappointment on the reader's part.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do.
Hope these words provided some benefit to you, and good luck in the contest!

Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelible Ink
indelibleink.writing.com

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy
56
56
Review of Joe Leprechaun  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelible Ink here. I'm reviewing your story because I hit 'random read' and happened upon this item. So, basically, that means that the reviewing gods have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny moments after reading this.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: Good stuff! I thought this was a very entertaining tale which had me chuckling on more than one occasion.

What Stood Out (Favorably): You just knew where this story was headed - particularly given the title of the story - but was written well enough to keep the reader entertained, while wanting to know just how it would play out.

Lines such as , 'I couldn't tell if I was sick -- or falling in love' and 'Joe began to shrink in more places than one' kept the humor at a high level and the pace rapid. Nice job.


What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: I found this story quite good and I was happy to have run across it. Thanks for sharing it with the rest of us.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do.


Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelible Ink
indelibleink.writing.com

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy
57
57
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there. Indelible Ink here. I'm reviewing your story because I hit 'random read' and happened upon this item. So, basically, that means that the reviewing gods have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny moments after reading this.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: Interesting. Personally, I'm not a big dragon guy, but you had me wondering what the heck was going to happen to the grave robber.

What Stood Out (Favorably): You had me wanting to read more, and, in my mind, that's huge.

Characters: For the most part, the characters were defined by their dialog and actions; sufficient to allow me to visualize them in the story.

Story: Grave robber vs. dragon... Never imagined that confrontation, so, apparently, I had a real need to see how it all played out. A dragon with scruples? Since dragons are, presumably, typically the bad guys, it was a nice twist to see a dragon of high moral fiber. Pals with the caretaker, even...


What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: The last sentence didn't seem to fit the rest of story. (On the other hand, my brain works in strange ways). But, "The dragon watched him for a few moments before fading away," sort of threw me as I perceived him to be quite real - since he was real to the grave robber and the caretaker.. A dragon ghost, perchance?


Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do. Thanks for sharing.


Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelible Ink
indelibleink.writing.com

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy
58
58
Review of Rocks for Mama  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello there. Indelible Ink here. I'm reviewing your story because I hit 'random read' and happened upon this item. So, basically, that means that the reviewing gods have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny moments after reading this.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: Have to tell you...Wasn't much in the mood to do any writing today after the events at Sandy Hook Elementary School a couple of days ago. The random read tool certainly didn't let me down by bringing me here! Just what I needed to see: a 'feel-good' story!

What Stood Out (Favorably): Well written and heart-felt. As I said, a real pick-me-up given what happened Friday. As a father who remembers quite well my own daughters attempting similar forms of 'business' - but, fortunately, not for the same reasons as the girls in your story - I found it easy to envision those two little ones...

Characters: You painted a very clear picture of your characters; I could visualize them quite clearly.

Story: A wonderful 'feel-good' tale; makes me wonder why I don't attempt more of these myself!

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: I know you wrote this some time ago, but I'm glad you've kept it in your port for others such as my self to stumble across. As I said, in my case, the timing could not have been better.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do. Thanks again for sharing - you made my day.


Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelible Ink
indelibleink.writing.com

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy
59
59
Review of Changing my mind  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I hit 'random read' and happened upon this item. So, basically, that means that the reviewing gods have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny moments after reading this.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: You have an interesting story to tell, don't you? If I'm sorry about anything, it's that you couldn't go more than 500 words...

What Stood Out (Favorably): At first, I was a little put off by your apparent lack of editing, such as your description under your story title. ("A preface and a litst" - if you are entering a contest and really want your entry considered, I think you'll have to take a few minutes to clean up those issues). When I read your complete story, though, I actually thought it was well-told and totally honest. You have a very interesting perspective about things you did and/or failed to do in the course of your life.

Story: Unions...politics...philosophy. You cover it all in your own unique way and offer some very compelling arguments. I find your 'forthrightness' very refreshing.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: I already made note of it earlier and I'm not trying to beat you up over it, but since this is a writing site, those aggravating details such as punctuation and spelling are going to cost you at some point. I like your style; don't change that aspect of it!

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do.Thanks for sharing...


Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink.writing.com

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy
60
60
Review of Uncut Diamond  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I hit 'random read' and happened upon this item. So, basically, that means that the reviewing gods have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny moments after reading this.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: The very subject matter - arranged marriages - had me assuming that you were from another country. Bangladesh, huh?

What Stood Out (Favorably): What impressed me the most was your command of the English language. Your descriptions and story-telling abilities are impressive.

Characters: Saima has a lot of information supplied for her, which is good as some of her physical attributes impact the story. You also provide sufficient information to get a good idea of what Nasira and Javed are like.

Story: Hard for me to fully grasp the concept of 'arranged' marriages; but that's what makes the story intriguing for someone such as myself.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: After the first two paragraphs, you have a conversation between two people. You should have spacing to indicate a new speaker, then the reader doesn't have to figure it out. Plus, there were one or two instances of no spacing after a period - before the start of a new sentence. The sentence “I’ll train you to dazzle the world with your talents" spoken by Javed to Saima somehow was interpreted by her to imply that "Drizzles of pleasure swept away all her sorrows." I'm glad she found that sentence so intoxicating. All I know is, if I ever said something to my wife which involved 'training', I'd be sleeping with one eye open that evening! (But I'm aware of the cultural differences, so I get it).

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do.It's a good story. Thank you for sharing...


Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink.writing.com

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy
61
61
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I hit 'random read' and happened upon this item. So, basically, that means that the reviewing gods have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny moments after reading this.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: I am going to guess from your writing style that English is either not your first language, or you have had significant influence of a second language. Some of your sentences are structured in a manner which imply that to me, anyway. I didn't let that influence my opinion of your writing, however, because I was able to follow your story fairly easily.

What Stood Out (Favorably): The ending! Most of the way, I was beginning to wonder if your were telling a true story, up until I got to the end. You did a great job of lulling me in another direction, as I was caught completely off guard. Now, I'm not sure if I was expecting something different because of your use of English, or what, but it worked well. Again, I had no clue; you totally caught me napping with that ending!

Characters: Sufficient information for me to understand what was going on.

Story: For a while, seemed innocent enough - perhaps even a bit slow at one point - but right when I started to wonder where this was headed...WHAM! Surprise city! Again, you worked that well.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: In order for you to be fully appreciated as a writer - in English, at least - you have to take the final few steps in 'painting your picture' effortlessly in English. For example, 'I didn’t want to go but what can I do I was the Editor!' you have multiple thoughts in this sentence; punctuate properly. Also, here you speak in present as well as past tense in the same sentence; choose one or the other and try to remain consistent, or it can get confusing.

Or, take this sentence (please):
Once I entered the lights went off and the Owner went up to the stage to congratulate the managers and of course me the Editor, but when my name was announced the lights didn’t focus on me like the rest of the managers, I raised my hands, jumped but no body realized maybe because the lights were off. I thought.

That's not a sentence; it's a paragraph. You have to break up those those sentences a bit so someone such as myself can digest the information easier. It's easy for me to recognize, as I am the master of the run-on sentence. Trust me.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do.The more you write (and speak, I assume) in English, the better you'll get with your sentence structure, because you're not far away as it is.

Thanks for sharing!


Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink.writing.com

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy
62
62
Review of Body rental  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I hit 'random read' and happened upon this item. So, basically, that means that the reviewing gods have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny moments after reading this.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: This was a bit difficult for me to review, though I realized you had to translate from your native language into English, and many of the errors I found were obviously a result of the translation process. I'll skip those as they were too numerous; I didn't let it detract too much from my review score as that would have been unfair to you, but it's something you'll have to address at some point.

What Stood Out (Favorably): I like the basic premise of the story, which is the concept of one being able to rent an actual human body, much like one would rent a costume at Halloween.

Characters: Mr. Tomsa rents a body from a person known only as 'Hans', and the third character is the body of a young geisha, who ends up being the body Tomsa rents.

Story: Since Tomsa has chosen to rent the body of a very attractive young woman, he soon discovers the joys - in a sexual sense - of being female.

Background: Enough provided to visualize.

Dialog: The dialog would have been fine if it were translated a little more accurately (as in context), and don't get me wrong - it wasn't bad enough that I was wondering what the heck was going on - but I did have to re-read something from time to time to make sure I got the gist of what you were trying to say.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: In my opinion, if you want to cater your stories to an English-speaking audience, at some point you'll have to get someone to help give you a better contextual translation.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do. I like the story and concept; I've already thought of a number of directions I could go in the horror genre in a similar setting.


Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink.writing.com

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy
63
63
Review of A Soul's Bane  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I hit 'random read' and happened upon this item. So, basically, that means that the reviewing gods have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny moments after reading this.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: Holy crap. You actually have dreams like that? No - make that recurring dreams - like that?

What Stood Out (Favorably): Your descriptions are pretty good. The second paragraph had me flashing back to the bathroom scene in Poltergeist, which is good, as that freaked me out the first time I saw that, too.

Characters: Pretty much you and your dream 'tour guide'. You mention others in your dream, 'Shane, Martin, Amanda and my father'; others who have 'come and gone'. Here's my thing: Certainly others have come and gone in your life, so I'd like to know the significance of these four. Obviously, I can see the significance of your father, but I think even you taking a guess as to the significance of those four - even if you don't know - would add to the creepiness of the dreams. Besides, if you're going to bring them into the story - if they're worth mentioning - don't leave us hanging.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: You're looking for creepy here, and you get it. You do a good job of describing your journey; I had a pretty vivid mental picture as you were walking along...just try to fill us in about characters in your dream so we can feel what you're feeling...

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do. Good job with this. Makes me appreciate the relatively bland dreams I have (when I can even remember them).


Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink.writing.com

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy
64
64
Review of Out of Time  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I hit 'random read' and happened upon this item. So, basically, that means that the reviewing gods have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny moments after reading this.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: Superbly efficient tale of nuclear mishap done with less than 500 words; usually takes me that many just to introduce the main character.

What Stood Out (Favorably): The first paragrah drew me in; there was suspense and tension from the get-go. I had no choice but to read on, and, for the record, I was glad I did.

Characters: Five characters; all of which were integral in their own right. Felt like I was with them, experiencing their fear and anguish as the clock ticked on...

Story: The author masterfully gets high mileage out of virtually every word he's chosen for this tale; eliciting a level of anxiety which remains during - and even lingers a bit after - reading the story.

Dialog: Didn't waste a syllable with the dialog. Every word spoken was critical to the story, and only served to 'legitimize' my empathy with the characters.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: No criticism from me with this baby. Glad it was only 500 words; any more and I would have commenced with some nasty nail-biting.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do. An exemplary effort from a fine author. A pleasure to read and comment on!


Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink.writing.com

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy
65
65
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your poem because I hit 'random read' and happened upon this item. So, basically, that means that the reviewing gods have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny after reading this.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: Nice job on putting into perspective one person's observations around the holidays; like snowflakes, we each have similar takes, but we're still all uniquely different.

What Stood Out (Favorably):Pretty decent rhyme scheme; thought it flowed well from start to finish for the most part.

Characters:We all have an 'Uncle Jack' don't we? Oddly enough, I really DID have an Uncle Jack who was pretty much exactly as you describe. Fortunately for us, I don't think any punches were ever thrown.

Story: Again, it tells a tale we all can relate to, so most folks will look upon this fondly, as do I.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer:
"Big helpings of each, we can’t win that test" Probably just me, but when I think of tests - as in school for example - I think of passing tests as opposed to winning them. My personal preference would be to substitue 'pass' for 'win'; think it would flow better, too. That's just me, though

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do. You have a sense of humor, which is great. This site could use more humor. Seriously.



Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink.writing.com


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy
66
66
Review of Confession  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I hit 'random read' and happened upon this item. So, basically, that means that the reviewing gods have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny after reading this.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression: An entertaining read. I'll tell you, it was done in such a convincing manner, I had to go back and double-check to make sure it was fiction, and not being written from some guy in the State Pen.

What Stood Out (Favorably): As mentioned above, the story was quite convincing. Your attention to detail in relaying your 'experiences' was well-played

Characters: I can see both of them clearly; you quickly have us sympathizing with you and hating 'Mr. Miter' in no time.

Story: Again, written with such emotion, conviction, and detail it appears genuine. Good stuff.

Background: Enough that imagining the scenes was easy for me.

Dialog: Very good; appropriate in relation to the events; crisp.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: I would suggest spacing between paragraphs. Whenever something doesn't have spacing, it simply appears more crowded than need be. There's really no reason not to space. And, mistakes such as in the following: "lef t it at that"...Stuff like that can easily be corrected with spell check. It only takes a second and it eliminates the chance for obvious boo-boos such as that one, and shmoes such as myself won't feel compelled to point it out.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do. I like your style and way with words; they invoke a feeling of credibility. Hope to see more in the future.



Final disclaimer ('Bout time, huh?): I sincerely hope this review has been of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink.writing.com


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy
67
67
Review of Speech Therapy  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because you reviewed a story of mine not long ago and am returning the favor.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best of writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...


Initial Impression : Loved it! Easy to see whay it placed 2nd in the contest. Well written, and easy to follow.

What Stood Out (Favorably): I enjoyed the exchange between characters - there was a bit of a zig-zag element involved which had me always wondering which direction the story would take.

Characters: You painted Andrew and Colin quite nicely. Obviously, adding the speech impediment which Colin had to deal with humanized the story even more.

Story: Engaging read. Wasn't predictable, which keeps someone such as myself interested & reading further

Background: You introduced the story perfectly, in my estimation. Colin sweating bullets over the disappearance of his briefcase drew me into the story immediately.

Dialog: Paced perfectly - pace maintained through conversation, and presented in a very believable manner

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer: Not sure what I could bring to the table regarding this effort. Really well done.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing. (Duh.) That's far and away the best thing a writer - at any level - can do.


Final disclaimer (Oh happy day...): I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink.writing.com

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


 Indelibleink Laughing Guy
68
68
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Hello there! Indelible Ink here, with review of your work. But, before we begin, let's get the disclaimer out of the way: I am not a highly-trained professional. Actually, I'm not even a somewhat-trained amateur. That being said, however, I am also not of the opinion that you need some special skill-set to explain how - and why - you feel the way you do about something you just read. This is just my opinion, be it right or wrong, and you are free to take as much - or as little - as you'd like from my comments.

1) Overall Impression: I love your descriptions in this piece; there is little question this comes off as a deeply emotional, heart-felt description. I don't know, of course, if you actually had this dream, but after reading it a second time, I definitely lean in that direction.

2) Best Part(s): Your disclosure that the dream has become a reality. I can envision your dream, which tells me you did a nice job of painting it. I also thought you mis-applied the word "insinuates" but when I double-checked the dictionary I discovered you had indeed used it correctly. So I learned something too!

3) What I Thought Needed Some Help:Not much. At first I thought it was a bit too "compressed" - in other words I thought your paragraphs were too big. Second time through I didn't feel that as much. Just might be me and my own self-prescribed limitations, which are my problem - not yours.

4) Why I Gave It The Rating I Did: I thought it was good initially, and my opinion of it improved the second read-through, and I changed a 4.0 to a 4.5...

5) Suggestion(s): As much as I'd like to throw some out there, I can't. You did a nice job...

Oh, and by the way, this is a
** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **



I certainly hope this was of some benefit to you. If not, come on over, read one of my items, and rip me a new one! After all: I'm a Rising Frickin' Star; I can take it!
69
69
Review of Which way?  
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello there! Indelible Ink here, with review of your work. But, before we begin, let's get the disclaimer out of the way: I am not a highly-trained professional. Actually, I'm not even a somewhat-trained amateur. That being said, however, I am also not of the opinion that you need some special skill-set to explain how - and why - you feel the way you do about something you just read. This is just my opinion, be it right or wrong, and you are free to take as much - or as little - as you'd like from my comments.

1) Overall Impression: Ah yes...the old "philosophical questions" which may never be answered to the satisfaction of everyone (we know that's impossible)...


2) Best Part(s): The bug question. The "right or wrong" question as applied to an inconsequential (to most) bug, yet with a change in perspective if, to someone else, your life is as trivial as the poor bug's.

3) What I Thought Needed Some Help: You need to get a handle on the contractions such as "your" which you're (see that) using for the contraction for "you are"...Just remember that if you're ever combining words, the apostrophe indicates one or more missing letters.

4) Why I Gave It The Rating I Did:I like the manner in which you presented your argument; the technical aspect just needs a little polishing.

5) Suggestion(s): Aside from paying closer attention to what I mentioned, I like your style. It's personable and engaging. Keep going for it!

Oh, and by the way, this is a
** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **



I certainly hope this was of some benefit to you. If not, come on over, read one of my items, and rip me a new one! After all: I'm a Rising Frickin' Star; I can take it!
70
70
Review of A WIFE'S DREAM  
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hello there! Indelible Ink here, with review of your work. But, before we begin, let's get the disclaimer out of the way: I am not a highly-trained professional. Actually, I'm not even a somewhat-trained amateur. That being said, however, I am also not of the opinion that you need some special skill-set to explain how - and why - you feel the way you do about something you just read. This is just my opinion, be it right or wrong, and you are free to take as much - or as little - as you'd like from my comments.

My review criteria is pretty straightforward, based upon the premise that I just sat down, opened up a magazine, and came upon your story/article/poem by chance. As a result, at the end of the day, all that really matters - to me - is: Was I interested enough to want to read this piece in its entirety, and why or why not? It's simply the same evaluation criteria I use when watching a movie. When it's over, all I really care about is whether I was entertained or not; I don't really care if the director was trying to convey other messages, or the methods he/she employed when making the film. It's irrelevant to me. Likewise, I didn't spend all day dissecting your piece; my free time is too precious (hence the use of this template), and I'd much rather be writing than reviewing. But seeing how I, too, like some feedback once in a while, it makes sense to concede that reviews are a necessary evil. When someone reviews my stuff, all I care is if they were entertained or not, and - if necessary - where I could stand to improve the piece? That's all I'm doing here. Fair enough? With that in mind, let's commence with the bash-fest (Just kidding)!:

1) Overall Impression:Good stuff! Must say, I was driven to review you because I love your handle. Then, I saw you had written mostly poetry, and I don't consider myself "qualified" to review most poetry. But I found this little nugget, and I liked it. It's harder than most people realize to bottleneck a story into such a small container!

2) Best Part(s):Nice touch with the "underage female" - that always makes it a bit more scandalous.

3) What I Thought Needed Some Help:It read pretty smoothly; not sure how you might have improved it. You got your message across quite nicely.

4) Why I Gave It The Rating I Did:In my estimation, you deserved it.

5) Suggestion(s):Break away from the poetry and write some more stories - I think there's a storyteller in there who's trying to escape!!!

Oh, and by the way, this is a
** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **



I certainly hope this was of some benefit to you. If not, come on over, read one of my items, and rip me a new one! After all: I'm a Rising Freaking Star; I can take it!
71
71
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hello there! Indelible Ink here, with review of your work. But, before we begin, let's get the disclaimer out of the way: I am not a highly-trained professional. Actually, I'm not even a somewhat-trained amateur. That being said, however, I am also not of the opinion that you need some special skill-set to explain how - and why - you feel the way you do about something you just read. This is just my opinion, be it right or wrong, and you are free to take as much - or as little - as you'd like from my comments.

My review criteria is pretty straightforward, based upon the premise that I just sat down, opened up a magazine, and came upon your story/article/poem by chance. As a result, at the end of the day, all that really matters - to me - is: Was I interested enough to want to read this piece in its entirety, and why or why not? It's simply the same evaluation criteria I use when watching a movie. When it's over, all I really care about is whether I was entertained or not; I don't really care if the director was trying to convey other messages, or the methods he/she employed when making the film. It's irrelevant to me. Likewise, I didn't spend all day dissecting your piece; my free time is too precious (hence the use of this template), and I'd much rather be writing than reviewing. But seeing how I, too, like some feedback once in a while, it makes sense to concede that reviews are a necessary evil. When someone reviews my stuff, all I care is if they were entertained or not, and - if necessary - where I could stand to improve the piece? That's all I'm doing here. Fair enough? With that in mind, let's commence with the bash-fest (Just kidding)!:

1) Overall Impression: Hello, Maria! I read a few of your reflections, before stopping at this one. I guess I felt something of a more personal connection with this as I lost my stepfather less than a month ago, and my mom before that almost two years to the day. I could relate to your words, and I must say I appreciate you saying what must be so difficult for others like myself to say...I think you have a gift at summarizing so eloquently something that people like myself either chooses to ignore (or simply don't know where to begin) when it comes to verbalizing the emotions or feelings you convey.


2) Best Part(s): When referencing "the pallor of death" you asked the question "i wonder what he saw when he looked at me" which, sooner or later, is a very poignant consideration!

3) What I Thought Needed Some Help:You made very thought-provoking points with a minumum of words - no help needed!

4) Why I Gave It The Rating I Did: Excellent food for thought - not just this, but all of your reflections - very insightful.

5) Suggestion(s): None at all (except keep 'em coming)! Very nicely done!

Oh, and by the way, this is a
** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **



I certainly hope this was of some benefit to you. If not, come on over, read one of my items, and rip me a new one! After all: I'm a Rising Freaking Star; I can take it!
72
72
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

Hello there! Indelible Ink here, with review of your work. But, before we begin, let's get the disclaimer out of the way: I am not a highly-trained professional. Actually, I'm not even a somewhat-trained amateur. That being said, however, I am also not of the opinion that you need some special skill-set to explain how - and why - you feel the way you do about something you just read. This is just my opinion, be it right or wrong, and you are free to take as much - or as little - as you'd like from my comments.

My review criteria is pretty straightforward, based upon the premise that I just sat down, opened up a magazine, and came upon your story/article/poem by chance. As a result, at the end of the day, all that really matters - to me - is: Was I interested enough to want to read this piece in its entirety, and why or why not? It's simply the same evaluation criteria I use when watching a movie. When it's over, all I really care about is whether I was entertained or not; I don't really care if the director was trying to convey other messages, or the methods he/she employed when making the film. It's irrelevant to me. Likewise, I didn't spend all day dissecting your piece; my free time is too precious (hence the use of this template), and I'd much rather be writing than reviewing. But seeing how I, too, like some feedback once in a while, it makes sense to concede that reviews are a necessary evil. When someone reviews my stuff, all I care is if they were entertained or not, and - if necessary - where I could stand to improve the piece? That's all I'm doing here. Fair enough? With that in mind, let's commence with the bash-fest (Just kidding)!:

1) Overall Impression: This was a well-written piece that did exactly as advertised: It described the three differing viewpoints of three friends who went camping. I must say I was initially a bit confused by the parallel between the mysterious sounds that the guys heard (diesel truck or bear coming to raid the pantry) and then Justine's revelation of the actual noise source.


2) Best Part(s): You succeeded in portraying three different personalities, which helped make the contrasts plausible. Not as easy as it sounds - to make it look like three different people wrote their own "versions" of an experience.

3) What I Thought Needed Some Help: In the "Author's note" mention is made about the stories concerning "a single event that took place at the campground." I realize that in contrasting three different perspectives there will obviously be different opinions as to what was and wasn't important, but I think it probably would have been beneficial to have actually focused on a "narrower" single event with perhaps less background information around the whole camping experience, if that makes any sense at all.

4) Why I Gave It The Rating I Did: You are clearly a good writer, and I found your descriptions both telling and believable. Your style is easy to read.

5) Suggestion(s): As mentioned earlier, I think perhaps whittling the event down some might have made the contrasts between the three people concerning common events easier to distinguish. On the other hand, maybe I'm just an "unhappy camper" who can't see the forest for the trees! Anyway, take this for whatever it's worth!


Oh, and by the way, this is a
** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **



I certainly hope this was of some benefit to you. If not, come on over, read one of my items, and rip me a new one! After all: I'm a Rising Freaking Star; I can take it!
73
73
Review of The Review Game  
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hello there! Indelible Ink here, with review of your work. But, before we begin, let's get the disclaimer out of the way: I am not a highly-trained professional. Actually, I'm not even a somewhat-trained amateur. That being said, however, I am also not of the opinion that you need some special skill-set to explain how - and why - you feel the way you do about something you just read. This is just my opinion, be it right or wrong, and you are free to take as much - or as little - as you'd like from my comments.

My review criteria is pretty straightforward, based upon the premise that I just sat down, opened up a magazine, and came upon your story/article/poem by chance. As a result, at the end of the day, all that really matters - to me - is: Was I interested enough to want to read this piece in its entirety, and why or why not? It's simply the same evaluation criteria I use when watching a movie. When it's over, all I really care about is whether I was entertained or not; I don't really care if the director was trying to convey other messages, or the methods he/she employed when making the film. It's irrelevant to me. Likewise, I didn't spend all day dissecting your piece; my free time is too precious (hence the use of this template), and I'd much rather be writing than reviewing. But seeing how I, too, like some feedback once in a while, it makes sense to concede that reviews are a necessary evil. When someone reviews my stuff, all I care is if they were entertained or not, and - if necessary - where I could stand to improve the piece? That's all I'm doing here. Fair enough? With that in mind, let's commence with the bash-fest (Just kidding)!:

1) Overall Impression: Great little story, as I'm sure just about everyone on this site has had a similar situation, with either a spouse or even a fellow writer with whom you've become good friends...

The problem is even more compounded if that person has reviewed something of yours and you know they bent over backwards to lavish praise on an otherwise mediocre piece...

2) Best Part(s): The ending! Didn't see that (happy) ending coming...I was sort of anticipating you doing some fast-talking (and hoped to pick up some pointers)...

3) What I Thought Needed Some Help: The only thing I thought could be improved was the statement "I would have simply written a bad review"...That wording implies an inaccurate - or poorly written - review. Probably just writing "I would have simply written an honest review" would have better conveyed what you were trying to say (the way I read it, anyway).

4) Why I Gave It The Rating I Did: Good, fun read: made me laugh a couple of times...

5) Suggestion(s): None, other than the minor point noted. You tell a tale quite well. Nice job!

Oh, and by the way, this is a
** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **



I certainly hope this was of some benefit to you. If not, come on over, read one of my items, and rip me a new one! After all: I'm a Rising Freaking Star; I can take it!
74
74
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

Hello there! Indelible Ink here, with review of your work. But, before we begin, let's get the disclaimer out of the way: I am not a highly-trained professional. Actually, I'm not even a somewhat-trained amateur. That being said, however, I am also not of the opinion that you need some special skill-set to explain how - and why - you feel the way you do about something you just read. This is just my opinion, be it right or wrong, and you are free to take as much - or as little - as you'd like from my comments.

My review criteria is pretty straightforward, based upon the premise that I just sat down, opened up a magazine, and came upon your story/article/poem by chance. As a result, at the end of the day, all that really matters - to me - is: Was I interested enough to want to read this piece in its entirety, and why or why not? It's simply the same evaluation criteria I use when watching a movie. When it's over, all I really care about is whether I was entertained or not; I don't really care if the director was trying to convey other messages, or the methods he/she employed when making the film. It's irrelevant to me. Likewise, I didn't spend all day dissecting your piece; my free time is too precious (hence the use of this template), and I'd much rather be writing than reviewing. But seeing how I, too, like some feedback once in a while, it makes sense to concede that reviews are a necessary evil. When someone reviews my stuff, all I care is if they were entertained or not, and - if necessary - where I could stand to improve the piece? That's all I'm doing here. Fair enough? With that in mind, let's commence with the bash-fest (Just kidding)!:

1) Overall Impression: Two thoughts after reading this: 1) You know how to make people laugh. 2) It appears this was more of a series of thoughts strung together rather than a structured tale.


2) Best Part(s): Most - if not all - of the "mechanically challenged" stuff was quite funny.

3) What I Thought Needed Some Help: A number of the sentences are choppy and/or structurally awkward. The fourth paragraph - as a whole - was a little too much of a digression and became a bit difficult to follow.

4) Why I Gave It The Rating I Did: Because it could have been smoother in delivery, I think that some really funny stuff was reduced to simply funny.

5) Suggestion(s): I think if you spend a little more time on brushing the piece up before laying it on the masses, you'd get some fantastic reactions. You obviously know "funny," and - by the way - I spend about as much re-writing as you - but I felt obligated to say it anyway...

Oh yeah...If that's the one Hal Holbrook was in, and I think it was, the Eastwood flick you're thinking of is Magnum Force.

Oh, and by the way, this is a
** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **



I certainly hope this was of some benefit to you. If not, come on over, read one of my items, and rip me a new one! After all: I'm a Rising Freaking Star; I can take it!
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Review of Sparks  
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hello there! Indelible Ink here, with review of your work. But, before we begin, let's get the disclaimer out of the way: I am not a highly-trained professional. Actually, I'm not even a somewhat-trained amateur. That being said, however, I am also not of the opinion that you need some special skill-set to explain how - and why - you feel the way you do about something you just read. This is just my opinion, be it right or wrong, and you are free to take as much - or as little - as you'd like from my comments.

My review criteria is pretty straightforward, based upon the premise that I just sat down, opened up a magazine, and came upon your story/article/poem by chance. As a result, at the end of the day, all that really matters - to me - is: Was I interested enough to want to read this piece in its entirety, and why or why not? It's simply the same evaluation criteria I use when watching a movie. When it's over, all I really care about is whether I was entertained or not; I don't really care if the director was trying to convey other messages, or the methods he/she employed when making the film. It's irrelevant to me. Likewise, I didn't spend all day dissecting your piece; my free time is too precious (hence the use of this template), and I'd much rather be writing than reviewing. But seeing how I, too, like some feedback once in a while, it makes sense to concede that reviews are a necessary evil. When someone reviews my stuff, all I care is if they were entertained or not, and - if necessary - where I could stand to improve the piece? That's all I'm doing here. Fair enough? With that in mind, let's commence with the bash-fest (Just kidding)!:

1) Overall Impression: Two things stood out for me: 1) Your descriptive ability is unparalleled - I really wish I had even a fraction of that gift. 2) The ending of the story. Now, nobody's ever confused me with being a Rhode's Scholar so forgive me if I missed something, but given the circumstances of the accident, wouldn't Reese have made it a priority to find out the girl's condition - I suspected she might have died in the blast - just for his own peace of mind? It's hard for me to believe that their first meeting after a horrific accident such as that would be left entirely to chance...


2) Best Part(s): You told the story quite well from beginning to end; word choice and usage was top notch! I felt the victim's pain.

3) What I Thought Needed Some Help: Just what I stated above...

4) Why I Gave It The Rating I Did: It was really well-written, but the ending just didn't add up. (Of course, now I'm becoming paranoid that I missed something)...

5) Suggestion(s):You are a talented author. My "ending issue" notwithstanding, there's no doubting your abilities...

Oh, and by the way, this is a
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I certainly hope this was of some benefit to you. If not, come on over, read one of my items, and rip me a new one! After all: I'm a Rising Freaking Star; I can take it!
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