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361 Public Reviews Given
374 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to imagine I've just taken a seat in the waiting room at a doctor's office and picked up a magazine to pass the time. Suddenly - what's this? - I stumble upon your little work of art. As a result of reading your story, either I will 1) I like it so much I MUST have it, so I stuff the magazine down the front of my shirt and hope the doctor isn't checking my heartbeat today, or 2) Become so nauseated at the ineptitude displayed by your chicken scratches that I will beg the doctor to consider me for an emergency euthanasia. Chances are it will be somewhere in the middle.
I'm good at...
I like to think I can recognize a good story when I see one. I can also recognize general structure errors, but it is important to realize that I 'ain't no stinkin' English teacher' either, so I probably won't catch everything. Besides, if it turns out what I'm reading is a real train wreck, it's likely I'll get frustrated with all the errors and shut the review down prematurely. I will try to be as constructively critical with your piece as I would wish for someone to be with mine. Okay?
Favorite Genres
Dark/Horror/Scary/Thriller/Suspense/Supernatural/Humor (intentional or otherwise)/Drama/Ghost...
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that says you didn't do your due diligence before sending it to me is -- in my mind -- a "crummy genre." Nor do I wish to read your political rants -- as enlightening as they may be...
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories/Fiction
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry! Unless you're convinced you have something that will sway me because it's A) Damned funny, or B) So sad I'll begin blubbering three verses into it. Otherwise, you'll probably cure my insomnia. Poetry ain't my strong suit, gang!
I will not review...
1) Your homework 2) Your kid's homework 3) Anything that suggests to me that you didn't even bother to use the spell check feature before sending it my way. In other words, if you sent me stuff because you are simply too lazy to correct the simple stuff yourself, then don't waste my time (or yours)! NOTE: ***Please keep it under 3k words; I want to have time to write my OWN stuff which can be ripped by some other reviewer - I deserve equal time, you know...***
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of Bridge Mix  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there! Indelible Ink here, with - as promised - review of your work. But, before we begin, let's get the disclaimer out of the way: I am not a highly-trained professional. Actually, I'm not even a somewhat-trained amateur. That being said, however, I am also not of the opinion that you need some special skill-set to explain how - and why - you feel the way you do about something you just read. This is just my opinion, be it right or wrong, and you are free to take as much - or as little - as you'd like from my comments.

My review criteria is pretty straightforward, based upon the premise that I just sat down, opened up a magazine, and came upon your story/article/poem by chance. As a result, at the end of the day, all that really matters - to me - is: Was I interested enough to want to read this piece in its entirety, and why or why not? It's simply the same evaluation criteria I use when watching a movie. When it's over, all I really care about is whether I was entertained or not; I don't really care if the director was trying to convey other messages, or the methods he/she employed when making the film. It's irrelevant to me. Likewise, I didn't spend all day dissecting your piece; my free time is too precious (hence the use of this template), and I'd much rather be writing than reviewing. But seeing how I, too, like some feedback once in a while, it makes sense to concede that reviews are a necessary evil. When someone reviews my stuff, all I care is if they were entertained or not, and - if necessary, in their opinion - where I could stand to improve the piece. That's all I'm doing here. Fair enough? With that in mind, let's commence with the bash-fest (Just kidding)!:

1) Overall Impression: I am really, really glad I ate before I read this story! Great little tale...


2) Best Part(s): Actually, while discovering the source of the nuts was obviously funny, I enjoyed your desription of your feelings in the bathroom even more! The line "I reached for a towel, and stared at it, Who had used this before and what for? I was suddenly aware of germs" was great! I could relate easily with what you expressed!

3) What I Thought Needed Some Help: Nothing to speak of. I sailed through the story without having to go back and re-read something for clarification, which tells me you did a good job of relaying the story

4) Why I Gave It The Rating I Did: It was an enjoyable read; I easily painted a mental picture of the proceedings with the information you supplied, which is also a very good indicator that you did a good job!

5) Suggestion(s): Nothing to add that would significantly improve this piece - you did a fine job...



I certainly hope this was of some benefit to you. If not, come on over, read one of my items, and rip me a new one! After all: One item can produce a whole spectrum of comments; and I just love a little diversity!
77
77
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hello there! Indelible Ink here, with review of your work. But, before we begin, let's get the disclaimer out of the way: I am not a highly-trained professional, so keep that in mind should I not provide the depth or scope of review that you might have preferred.

My review criteria is pretty straightforward, based upon the premise that I just sat down, opened up a magazine, and came upon your story/article/poem by chance. As a result, at the end of the day, all that really matters - to me - is: Was I interested enough to want to read this piece in its entirety, and why or why not? It's simply the same evaluation criteria I use when watching a movie. When it's over, all I really care about is whether I was entertained or not; I don't really care if the director was trying to convey other messages, or the methods he/she employed when making the film. It's irrelevant to me. Likewise, I didn't spend all day dissecting your piece; it's not that important to me; my free time is too precious (hence the use of this template). When someone reviews my stuff, all I care is if they were entertained or not, and where I could stand to improve the piece. That's all I'm doing here. Fair enough? With that in mind, let's commence with the bash-fest (just kidding):

1) Overall Impression: Two things I found profoundly funny: 1) Somehow, this caused me to flash to the IRS code, as in when I do my business taxes, and, 2), I actually felt like I understood most of what you had written. Now, the jury's still out as to whether I was laughing at your sense of humor or simply at my own stupidity, but, who cares? It worked for me!

2) Best Part(s): Has to be the first line, namely: *originally intended to be performed with corresponding images projected behind the speaker* I can just picture the images making your instructions ever so clearer!


3) What I Thought Needed Some Help: Not a thing. You're talking to a guy who thrives on double-talk. (See above, where I mention the IRS).

4) Why I Gave It The Rating I Did: Good stuff. If it makes me laugh - and assuming it's supposed to - it's worthy of a good mark, in my book...

5) Suggestion(s): Coulda been longer, although I did rather enjoy #3...

Oh, and by the way, this is a
** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **



I certainly hope this was of some benefit to you. If not, come on over, read one of my items, and rip me a new one! After all: I'm a Rising Star; I can take it!
78
78
Review of HER PATH  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (5.0)
Yellow -

Let me start this off by stating (in the spirit of full disclosure) that typically, I hate free verse poetry. The reason I say that is because I've seen so many free verse poems that have been (in my eyes) thrown together with some sappy metaphors coupled with philosophical nonsense. And usually, it works for many people because those are usually adorned with very high ratings and complimentary reviews. So, I usually make it a prctice to shy away from free verse because - in my mind - most of that stuff is not all that good. So, I felt bad when you said you'd like a free verse reviewed (because I didn't want to hammer you with a low rating).

Having said all that, there are exceptions to what I state above. It doesn't happen often, but once in a while I run into a free verse poem that tugs at my heart (not easy to do; I'm not exactly known as "Mr. Emotion").

Anyway, I am happy (and relieved) that you presented me with one of those "exceptions." You told a rather detailed story - devoid of nonsensical metaphors - and I thought you told it beautifully.

I noticed in the reviews of my stuff you always noted "word choice" and now I know why. You seem to have a knack for using words that maximize the emotional involvement from the reader.

Your story was clear and concise (usually trying to figure out what the author is really trying to say in most free verse triggers a migraine).

It's not very often that I am driven to "read on" with most poetry.
I wanted to see where this baby was headed; you got me to "care."

Well done!

Indelible
79
79
Review of Lovebirds  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Definitely a "feel-good" story of the "7th Heaven" or "Touched By an Angel" style.

What Stood Out (Favorably): The piece was well-written, with good descriptions of events and characters. It was easy for me to picture the events as they occurred.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: The story came off to me as a bit too "sterile" or predictable. Perhaps if there had been a hint of the possibility of trouble when Jason arrived, or some other crisis perhaps. I just feel that standing alone, the story could have used a "cup of coffee" to get my adreneline flowing.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! You are obviously a skilled writer. Keep it up...

Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
80
80
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)


Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story in order to fulfill my obligations with the

** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **



Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : I really, really liked this story. Extremely well-done in my admittedly twisted opinion.

What Stood Out (Favorably): Loved the "hey-it's-not-a-suicide, it's-a-skydive" twist; totally caught me off-guard. I thought you provided just enough background to suck me in, and the just when I was anticipating a big "splat," you did a 180 on me. Great job!

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of one Rising Star helping another (That way, we can "flame out" together)!: I thought this was a really good short story; don't know what else to say...

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! Please, don't ever, ever call me a "Sisyphus." I don't think I could handle it.


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. At the same time, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it." Heck, we're Rising Stars; we can take it!

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com
81
81
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your poem because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : A haunting poem that probably very accurately summarizes the fears of many who are single w/o family, and facing an ominous future.

What Stood Out (Favorably): I liked the "forthrightedness" (I think that's a word) in addressing the concerns of one who is knocking on Heaven's door.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: I thought the poem really hit home by virtue of the chilling manner in which the questions were asked.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! I really liked this...


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
82
82
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Ingenious fanasy about your conflicts re: writing prompts!

What Stood Out (Favorably): I really enjoyed this from start to finish, wondering where you'd go with it. (Personally, I enjoy writing prompts, either as the challenge presented of coming up with a story totally "blind," or to successfully come up with a way of incorporating my story into some difficult parameters, if you know what I mean).

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: I thought it was really great the way you brought the story full circle back to "you." Very, very clever.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! I can't give you advice...that story's just too awesome!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
83
83
Review of Ghetto Dweller  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your poem because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Nice job! Free verse doesn't ordinarily float my boat, but you captured the essence of the ghetto (at least as I see it) quite nicely.

What Stood Out (Favorably): You covered all the bases (dropping out, drugs, crime, etc.) which comprise the heartbeat of ghetto life. Thought it was a well done (yet painful) snapshot.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: I don't know what to offer in terms of criticism.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! I thought you covered "edgy" in a very forthright manner!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
84
84
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your poem because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Wow! What a powerful and emotional poem. I am not real familiar with that style of poetry (my poetic experience is fairly limited) but at the end of the day, who cares? That was quite emotional and gripping.

What Stood Out (Favorably): The subject matter and the manner in which it was relayed. Although quite sad, it is a captivating piece of work.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: What can one add to that? It's obvious to me why there's a ribbon next to the title.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! Nice job...


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
85
85
Review of Easy as Pie  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : I think it's safe to say, that - given the circumstances - you've put the "flash" in "flash fiction" (as in flash fire)!

What Stood Out (Favorably): I would take some "pot" shots at Julian re: his cooking expertise but there were just too many similarities between him and myself for me to get that carried away!

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: This was a very well-written and humorous entry for flash fiction; particularly given the imposed word limitations of the contest.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! It's always a pleasure to read a nice little story like that...well done!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
86
86
Review of Pillows  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your poem because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Nice topic for a lazy Christmas day (waiting for dinner and football to begin).

What Stood Out (Favorably): The subject! I think you echoed the fears of all people who, well, sleep! (But especially children, of which I am still accused of being, at times). The poem has a nice flow & balance, and what I call "sense of progression." I liked it.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: Nothing to offer; thought it was fun.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! Nice job; keep up the good work!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
87
87
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your poem because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : This is probably the epitome of the inspirational "feel-good" poem. There's a message; it makes us pause and think.

What Stood Out (Favorably): The pace of the poem quickly accelerates (as does my heart beat) as the "serenity stalker" closes in on its "prey." I thought every line was perfectly balanced in each stanza; and felt every word had a function in the poem. I read it four times and swear I noticed something new each time I read it. I really thought it was great.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: No criticism from me. I am not at this level of poetic prowess.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! That really was a joy and I'm glad the random review tool found it for me.


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
88
88
Review of Critical Reviews  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Oh! The inherent irony of reviewing a piece on reviewing. Seriously, is there any way I can walk out of this NOT looking like an idiot?

What Stood Out (Favorably): Actually, I think this piece should be heavily recommended to anyone contemplating doing a review prior to any actual reviewing. I know the whole point of reviewing and the corresponding value of the grade that accompanies it; but I still have fallen into the trap of passing over those items that need a lot of work; simply because I don't want to be the "hatchet man" to somebody's efforts. This is evidenced by the fact that my reviews average something like 4.3 or so. I think that number is an accurate reflection of the items I have reviewed, but it's artificially high because of my reluctance to rate the "less than stellar" pieces.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: (Note that I've completely turned the tables and am suggesting this to myself). Commencing today, I solemnly swear to review all levels of work regardless of perceived "skill level."

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! Also, review everyone! Oh, and by the way, I downloaded and printed out a copy of Critical Reviews lest I contemplate "relapsing." You might say, "the esprit moved me" (but I don't recommend it; it's a pretty bad joke).


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
89
89
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your poem because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : What a wonderful, genuine, and certainly timely poem. Although this was written a number of years ago (2001) it is one of those that will never go out of style. And although the title implies it is directed towards WDC in particular, the last couple of lines are the only ones that a WDC "outsider" might not get. In other words, I think everybody would enjoy this poem!

What Stood Out (Favorably): Something about it just has a "traditional" feel to it. It is warm; most of the references bring back memories for me, as I'm certain they would do for most folks.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: I can't think of anything (legal)! To me, the only thing that would improve it would have been if I had written it, as I would certainly be proud to lay claim to this baby!

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! Thanks for sharing; I consider myself fortunate for having stumbled across this via the site's "random" reviewing feature!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
90
90
Review of Fly Away  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Aryana-

I selected this by choosing the "random" review button.

I liked this poem as you got a lot of mileage from the relatively few words/lines in your poem. The poem could apply to any number of envisioned scenarios, which I imagine is one of the benefits of such a short piece (few constraints).

The balance and symmetry of the poem is great; it sounds and feels good.

At the same time, and it's probably just me, and I don't poclaim to be any poetic master by any stretch of the imagination, but I think it could have been a little longer. Again, that's just weird old me, so please take it for what it's worth...

Regards,

Indelible
91
91
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : I'm impressed by anyone who has (had) the patience to do the 100 word no repeat thing. I thought about it a few times, but figured I'd probably burst a blood vessel in my brain, so I opted out.

What Stood Out (Favorably): Telling a story in 100 words w/o repeats is quite an accomplishment; I'll be forever impressed by that regardless of anything else.

Characters: in the constraints of the word & repeat limitations, you did an excellent job.

Story: As with the characters, you did a fine job, although I think you give away your "surprise" in the story teaser. I wouldn't want to offer that much ahead of time.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: Other than what I just wrote above, I think you did an excellent job; I bow before you and proclaim, "I'm not worthy."

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! Good stuff...I'll be back to check out more soon!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
92
92
Review of An Exiled King  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Well...Let's just say that even though this was randomly selected, I never expected to stumble upon a letter written about 200 years ago!

What Stood Out (Favorably): The subject matter! A lot of questions I always had regarding Napolean and history were answered today - not to mention when Hide and Seek really gained in popularity.

Characters: Well defined in the context of a letter.

Story: I like the way you told your story in the confines of a letter.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: Hard to criticize something presented in a format such as this; I got a kick out of it.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! I can see you have a pretty good sense of humor, which is always a good thing in my book. Keep up the good work!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
93
93
Review of The Long Way Home  
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story in order to fulfill my obligations with the

** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **



Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Whoa! Must say I just randomly chose this baby; safe to say that this is the first time I've reviewed a children's story (so if I come off as ignorant, it's only because I am). I think this brought out the inner child in me, because it didn't take long before I was thinking as a kid (of course, my wife might argue that that's due to my very close proximity to STILL being one)!

What Stood Out (Favorably): I liked your word choices; I thought you painted a good picture without breaking the word bank.

Characters: I could easily visualize them very early on (that's a good thing).

Story: Well told as far as I can tell (trying to imagine the audience).

Background: Efficient.

Dialog: Very desciptive.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of one Rising Star helping another (That way, we can "flame out" together)!: I thought it was well done for about 500 words.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! Looks like you've chosen a niche that suits you; keep up the good work!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. At the same time, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it." Heck, we're Rising Stars; we can take it!

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com
94
94
Review of Moose  
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story in order to fulfill my obligations with the

** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **



Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback:

Initial Impression (upon completion of reading this piece): Fun read. Having had dogs as a kid, I could relate with Jimmy quite easily.

What Stood Out (Favorably): As I alluded to above, I have a positive connection to this story to begin with. My dog wasn't quite as huge, but my struggles with "control" were! This being a flash fiction entry, word count and the inclusion of the prompts into the story were hurdles you had to overcome, and you did a very good job with both.

Characters I had an easy time visualizing Jimmy, the policeman, and, of course, Moose. Character definition was good

Story Well done in *Heart*00 words

Background Again, well done with the limited word count.

Dialog You maximized the dialog, again, in pretty strict parameters.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of one Rising Star helping another (That way, we can "flame out" together)!: None I can think of. You did a really fine job with this story.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do!


I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. At the same time, if my review was just gushing with superlatives, then it also follows that you may not need to start working on you acceptance speech for the Pulitzer just yet, either. Also, if I have succeeded in agitating to the point of retaliation, please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it." Heck, we're Rising Stars; we can take it!

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com
95
95
Review of What is WITH me?!  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I look at this as something of a "rant turned rationalization." And that's not to say that you're not entitled...obviously, you can write whatever you want in any manner you desire. Personally, I see the makings of a pretty good short story here - should you ever feel so inclined. You handle your words and express yourself well...I say take it to the next level!

There is a rollercoaster ride of emotions here about a number of things...pull the plug and let it roll.....

Just a suggestion meant with the best of intentions.

WordImperfect
96
96
Review of i loved you!  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The following suggestions are just my opinions and are made with the best of intentions; certainly you are free to with them what you desire:
1) You seem to capitalize only the first words in any sentence; after that anything that should be capitalized (names, in particular) are not. Try to develop proper punctuation habits as they do help the reader quite a bit. I'm referring to the lack of a question mark after a question, and numerous places where commas should be, but aren't.
2) Spell check is available and helps immensely; it doesn't hurt to run a piece through spell check.
3) There is a drift between present and past tense in a couple of places; try to be consistent with the tense used.
4) Check for grammatical errors ("her eyes widen" should be "her eyes widened"; "Would know that there was an angry force behind eat and every hit onto the door" required me to re-read a couple of times to understand what I think you were trying to say; that sentence can be smoothed out considerably).

Yes, it sounds like alot of stuff, but in reality it's all pretty minor and can be straightened out rather quickly.

Not only that, but I thought you did a pretty good job in telling the story.

Keep at it, and you'll be fine...
97
97
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Inspired by a bad dream? Those are called "nightmares" my friend! Actually, I think this was a well-written piece, because to me, even though it was very predictable, I still had to see it though to completion. I see you are fairly new here. Familiarize yourself with spell check, bcause words like "cementery" are an un-necessary distraction. Also, you need to hone English skills a bit; phrases such as "I accepted delighted" or "after his dead" can cause the reader an ill-timed pause in the story flow. If you clean up those items, I think it is much better than a "four" rating; you definitely have some writing skills, because I think you can put some pretty powerful sentences together.

Keep up the good work; I really like your style.

WordImperfect
98
98
Review of Loss  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Spelling: realization(5th from last paragraph); fetal (2nd from last paragraph)
I like the story; easy to read, follow,etc. Must admit that I haven't done much in this area (genre) as far as writing goes, but have to admit I enjoyed reading the whole thing. I'm not sure the last sentence fits ("sad sigh") and the rest of that sentence is already certainly implied.
Bottom line: I enjoyed it immensely and would highly recommend it to others. Good luck in the contest. I haven't read any of the other entries, but I must say I like your chances...
99
99
Review of Falling  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This was a rather intriguing story-line to me; certainly something that I never had considered, so I wanted to read on further to see what would happen to Jackson/Kevin. I think, that in all honesty, I was a little disappointed in the ending; for to me what it did was reiterate the cyclical nature of life & death; which we all are aware of. I also am not sure that the correlation of the "falling" experienced in the first part of the story (via the balloon) carries over that well throughout the remainder of the story...didn't really 'click" for me. Additionally, I guess, given the unique vantage-point of Jackson, I was expecting something a little more "surprising" but that may simply be because that's my own style of writing (tend to go for a surprise whenever I can fit one in). Do not get me wrong, I think the story was well-written and your word usage was also very good. Also, now that I think about it, if I was surprised by the lack of a surprise ending, then does that not then qualify it as a surprise ending? Anyway, I guess if it were me, I might re-consider the "falling" arrangement, and perhaps throw a curve in at the ending so it is not quite as predictable. Having said all that, you're obviously a good writer, so take what I write in the "big picture" approach as I'm sure others will view your piece differently!
100
100
Review of My Love  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (4.5)
Another very emotional poem. And another well written one. I'm sure there is a word that describes the "jagged" manner (I'm quite certain that "jagged" is NOT the word) that permeates the left-side indentation; normally I don't think I would go for something like that. but in this instance it works, and it works very well as far as I'm concerned as it indicates the overall air of instability that surrounds the poem. I felt the emotion immediately, and like a teapot beginning to boil, I could sense the increase in pressure as the poem progressed. My poetic expertise is basic at best; so I feel no sense of authority in criticizing this poem. Again I can only go with the feeling generated in my gut from reading this several times, and my blood pressure is higher at the end than it was in the beginning. (Translation: I would tell others to read it - what else can I say)? Nice job!

Review done as a task for "AUTHORS' SPOTLIGHT - Season 6"   by 30DBC Creator/Founder
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