I'm a sucker for good poetry! I have enjoyed my visit to this folder of beautifully and skillfully written poetry. I will be back! Thanks for all the emotional responses your writing has allowed me to feel!
God bless you and KEEP writing!
jacky
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I love journals...yours--written as if you are speaking, is especially nice. I love to see the insight of others--your journal is full of simple honesty as well as some fun facts. I enjoyed my visit. Thanks.......
This is a cute piece--well written and entertaining. My only suggestion would be to either indent your paragraphs or put spaces between the existing block style paragraphs--this would make the reading a little easier. Thanks for the entertaining piece!
God bless you and KEEP writing!
jacky
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Description: Still picking up the pieces...a touching biographical piece....
This is a beautifully written piece. It makes my heart sad. This is skillfully written. The emotion in this piece is so vivid.
Suggestions: But then I'll dream about her- a night dream, a daydream. I remember everything.
Several places you use a line-
Shouldn't that be 2 lines?:dream about her--a night
That's the only thing that jumped out a me that I would change.....still it is a fabulous piece, either way. Thank you for this heart-felt biographical narration.
And thank you again for the help!
God bless you and KEEP writing! Good Night
jacky
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1.Flow of Piece/Readability Nice flow....nice rhythm and rhyme...
2.Grammar appropriate
3.Punctuation I would recommend commas after the lines:3,5,9,11,14,and 15. I'd put a period after line 6. In line 14, you need a comma after "sad"
4.Spelling In line 6, you have "your" when it should be "you're"....You need to capitalize you "i" in "I'd" in line 14.
5.Overall Impression This is a very nice piece. I can feel your emotions. With a little work it could be perfect. I'd be happy to up the rating to a five if you correct the spelling and capitalization errors. The punctuation changes are up to you....
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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What an outstanding piece! The ending made it all the more powerful. God bless you! May you always be bathed in God's love!May you grow stronger in the Lord each day, and may you be bathed in the colors of the rainbow!
This is an awesome piece...well except for that "weird alien thing" comment. I took offense to that, --
My favorite lines: A symbiotic relationship long ago developed between Sentries and humans and their souls. Souls were the multidimensional aspects of all beings, and human souls were as close to the Source as any being the Sentries had ever encountered. They gravitated to them as a result.
I believe that is true...I get chills every time I read those lines...
Since this is going to public review, I won't reveal the surprise....but it is truly wonderful....and wonderfully written.....
Thanks for the experience....
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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Initial Thoughts This is a powerful piece...a story of suicide.
Now For The Review
1.Flow of Piece/Readability You are a skillful writer. I could feel the emotion. You vividly display the painful imagery.
I think it would help the flow even more if you would put a space between paragraphs when it is written in this block style.
2.Grammar Appropriate...
3.Punctuation There were a few occations when I think a period would have worked better than a comma: There is no wind, the only motion is the girl, her body shuddering with silent sobbing. Before this sentence, you have several long, comma separated clauses. I feel, that it would be more dramatic if written: There is no wind. The only motion is the girl, her body shuddering with silent sobbing.
4.Spelling
I noticed no problems..
5.Overall Impression An awesomely powerful piece. I enjoyed partaking in the emotions you skillfully put to paper. Thanks!
I hope you are enjoying it here at writing.com! I love it here!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
This is a story of a writer with an obsession....this reader highly recommends this piece..
This was an awesome story. I went from being intrigued, to disgusted, to being totally held in a trance...you are a skillful writer, I very much enjoyed the read.
You have a couple of misspellings: carcophony...derserved
Don't forget your spell check...I would misspell my name without it
I hope you're enjoying writing.com. I love it here!
Keep up the good work!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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