Monetary Christmas (E) Why do we spend so much money on others when Christmas represents Christ's birthday? #589010 by Kings
I noticed this featured in the Poetry Newsletter.
1.Flow of Piece/Readability There is nice rhythm in this piece--I'm not sure why the rhyme abrutptly stops in the last two stanzas?
2.Grammar appropriate....
3.Punctuation It's works as is--but if I may make a suggestion? I think it would help the flow if there were comma's after lines: 6, 10, and 15, and a question mark after line: 12
4.Spelling I noticed no errors...
5.Overall Impression I love the sentiment in your lovely poem! You pose an important question here: This is Christ's birthday should He not receive His? Then in the last stanza you explain how we CAN give Christ His gifts...wonderful!
Keep up the excellent work!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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The Animals' Gift (E) A short poem created for pre-schoolers to recite for a Sunday School Christmas Program #904489 by skmdragon
I noticed this featured in the Poetry Newsletter.
1.Flow of Piece/Readability I loved the rhyme and rhythm in this adorable piece!
2.Grammar appropriate...
3.Punctuation Skillfully done...
4.Spelling
I noticed no errors....
5.Overall Impression I loved this children's poem...very sweet--I love the last line: Every animal on that special night,
Gave all that they could claim.
So on this Christmas Eve, let’s pray,
That we will do the same.--that's right! Thank you for sharing this adorable little poem!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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1.Flow of Piece/ReadabilityA very nice piece with wonderful rhyme and rhythm!
2.Grammar Appropriate...
3.Punctuation I only saw one problem...you need a comma after "Lord" in the first line...other than that--your punctuation is skillfully done...I could "hear" your "voice".....
4.Spelling I noticed no problems...
5.Overall Impression I loved this sweet prayer! Beautiful! It touched my heart!
Keep up the excellent work!
Good luck in the contest!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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1.Flow of Piece/ReadabilityNice rhyme and rhythm....I feel a little more attention to the punctuation could help the flow even more...
2.Grammar appropriate...
3.Punctuation and said "To Come Home", I would capitalize the "A" in "and", put a comma after "said"
4.Spelling It seems there is an inconsistency related to whether the first lines are started with capitalization?
There also seems to be some missing capitalizations at the beginning of conversations....
It also seems inconsistent as to whether "Lord" and "He" are started with capital letters? I prefer to see them all in capital letters..., but either way...try to remain consistent...
Other suggestions:
-- A comma after lines: 1,3,5,& 9
-- A period after lines: 12 & 16
5.Overall Impression This is a touching poem...I enjoyed it ...it just needs a little mechanical work.
If you make any corrections, let me know...I'd love to increase the rating....
Good luck in the contest!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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1.Flow of Piece/Readability Your piece kept my attention...very nice!
2.Grammar
I don't know if these sentence fragments were intentional or not, but they got my attention: Especially at night. In a creepy hospital
3.Punctuation
...too real. As did the snowy white beard and ruddy cheeks.....I feel this would work better as one sentence....
He reached to pat her head but Gracie shrank away from his touch. There should be a comma after "head"...
4.Spelling I noticed no errors.....
5.Overall Impression This is a wonderful story....great use of the prompt....you have me in happy tears. Although I noticed a couple of problems...anything that touches me so deeply deserves "5" stars....Keep up the excellent work....
Good luck in the contest!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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Overall Impression Oh my! I've really should let you know that this is not perfect mechanically, but you just had me laughing my butt off! This is the hardest I've laughed in a long time! Keep up the excellent work! Thanks for the laughter!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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1.Flow of Piece/Readability This is an intense piece--highly emotional with wonderful flow,...and makes a powerful statement with awesome imagery, alliteration and metaphor....
2.Grammar appropriate....
3.Punctuation appropriate....
4.Spelling I noticed no errors....
5.Overall Impression Did I say intense? Your powerful piece has gotten my blood pressure up! Now that's writing! Keep up the excellent work!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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1.Flow of Piece/Readability This is a frightening dream...the title and description did a good job in grabbing my attention.
It would help the reader if you would space the paragraphs or indent them....
2.Grammar I noticed no problems..
3.Punctuation There are a few sentence fragments, such as: Part of his magic.
And some run-on sentences--for example:
I start to cry, tears leaking from my eyes, as I try to breathe past the pain. He starts to laugh loudly, and I feel a weight settle on my waist, just below the cuts. Either one of these sentences alone may not be too bad, but it seems to me, there are too many of these....making the story sound like a cadence. This disrupts the flow for me a bit. Read those lines aloud and see if you can get my point.
4.Spelling
I noticed a couple of things:
--"everytime" should be "every time"...two words
--"abrubtly" should be "abruptly"
--"I feel him lay the the"...you have doubled your "the"
5.Overall Impression
This is a scary piece--with a little work, it's going to be great!
Let me know if you make any corrections, and I'd be glad to increase the rating on this piece!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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Flow of Piece/Readability The title and description of this piece grabbed my attention--after your most kind review of my poem, I thought it only right to read about your religion. I noticed no areas of improvement--and enjoyed, not only the education, but also the honesty--this was a wonderful and informative read. Thank you for sharing!
May the Creator bless you! KEEP writing! jacky
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Polls (18+) Polls...More then just opinions. They are the inner workings of a collective mind. #898460 by andrew
I had to stop and R & R this folder before even taking any polls--'cause you are just too funny. The description of the folder grabbed my attention and my laughing only increased as I read the heading...now I just hafta' figure out if I'm brave enough to take any of your polls...
Keep up the excellent work, and thanks for the laughs!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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1.Flow of Piece/Readability The title and description grabbed my attention. The poem tells a nostalgic tale in wonderful rhythm and rhyme.....
2.Grammar appropriate....
3.Punctuation excellent....
4.Spelling I noticed no errors....
5.Overall Impression I'm a great "TV Land" and "Nick at Night" fan, so naturally I loved this....not that I'm not old enough to remember them FROM the 60's...okay...I'm lying......I remember! Thanks for the fun read!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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I wish (E) A lonely little girl's dreams. A novel in progress. #918611 by Sam Bird
1.Flow of Piece/Readability A nice easy read...
2.Grammar In this line: Her Aunt and Uncle don't have any children, they don't know much about raising any. --it seems you have changed the verb tense--I think, instead of "don't", you should have "didn't"
3.Punctuation Nice--I saw no areas for improvement....
4.Spelling I noticed no errors....
5.Overall Impression This is a very nicely written piece...I feel you have a wonderful start on an excellent story...
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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...I remember! Thanks for the fun read!
