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Review Requests: ON
783 Public Reviews Given
788 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to always pick out the positive points in a piece, even if overall I am not enamoured by it. I tend to point out grammatical and spelling errors. I will be honest, but not unkind *Smile*
I'm good at...
Empathising with people, giving my opinion, analysing poetry.
Favorite Genres
Travel, Sci - fi, psychology, opinion, music, horror, gothic food, emotional, death/dark, animal.
Least Favorite Genres
Western/war, Parenting, History, Erotica/Adult
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Flash Fiction, Photos, Articles.
Least Favorite Item Types
Campfire creatives, interactive stories.
I will not review...
Novels.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 4 5 6 7 -8- 9 10 ... Next
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Review of The Door  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *TrainCar2B*

Our Third stop is FANTASY BRIDGE

Hello Eons

It was interesting to read your flash fiction piece - which is indeed thought provoking. At the start of your story I thought that it was going to be more of a horror/fantasy flash fiction although in the end it is written with more of a philosophical slant - ie: we feel that we are caged in, staring at walls when suddenly an oppertunity to escape the situation arises yet we are afraid to take advantage of it. Slightly obvious but a good analagy all the same and I think your writing style is pleasurable to read.*Smile*
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Review of My Nation  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *TrainCar2B*

Our third stop is FANTASY BRIDGE

Hello Nikki

I really enjoyed your poem. I read it once and liked the tone and the imagary of it, but had to read it through again in order to try and figure out the deeper meaning of the words. I often think that this makes a good poem - not necessarily being instantly accessible to the reader. It shows that the poem has depth and usually means that the poem is more emotional.

I love the way you have opened the poem here:

I’m on a trip to my imagination.
I am the ambassador of this unruly nation.

I think it flows really well (rhyme of imagination/nation is great!) and it also tells the reader straight away what the poem is about.

I think the way you have likened the "imagination" of this character to a city of unrest is a great analagy - It is like I can picture all these tiny unruly people shouting and fighting around a peaceful sea!

The image of the houses made of "Bricks of hate" is also good, and very powerful.

Finally, I think the ending works well - with the writer challenging the reader, perhaps to come up with something better.

The only bit I am not keen on is

They get to live in the boat.
The boat that floats on the sea.
The children that were once me.

The content is good but I just don't think the lines flow as well as the others - The flow of the poem seems to stop quite abruptly when it reaches these lines.

This was just a feeling I had so please feel free to ignore, as I liked the poem very much *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Fuzzy Thoughts  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *TrainCar2B*

Our 2nd stop is DETECTIVE DEPOT

Hi Bob County

Your poem makes no sense! But it did make me laugh, probably because it makes no sense - plus I like the way it mentions a Jellyfish. I am wondering whether it is in the "Detective" genre because one has to be a detective to work out what it means! *Wink* However I am foiled......
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179
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *TrainCar2B*

Our 2nd stop is DETECTIVE DEPOT

Hello JESSE

I think this is a good flash fiction piece. It sets the scene, is descriptive and keeps the reader interested from the start of the story. Although we do not get much background to the lives of the girl and the man in the story, this is often the way with flash fiction and the reader can fill in their own blanks...

I like your descriptive writing style - the story is a little gruesome though and you may want to change the rating from an "E" ! *Smile*
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Review of The ham  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *TrainCar2B*

Our 2nd stop is DETECTIVE DEPOT

An unusual dark flash fiction story - I have never actually heard of an allergy to Molasses to be honest. Although in England I do not think anyone eats it!

Your story has a simple but effective plot although I did not feel a great deal of suspense when reading it, the sentences are quite short and it may be more effective if you ran some of them together in to longer sentences to draw the reader in to the story a little more effectively.

However it is an imaginative story and has a good, if abrupt ending - which is important in flash fiction *Smile*
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Review of Dreams For Sale  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *TrainCar2B*

Our 2nd stop is DETECTIVE DEPOT.

Hello Thimpin.

I enjoyed your story very much. It is very creative and imaginative and reminds me of the "future - fiction" genre of literature which I have read much of in the past. I like the way that you have given the "factual" descriptions and the history behind the idea of the dream stealing for the reader - with the position of the head teacher much like the reader - in the dark so to speak!. Also I like the description of the computerised lessons which gives the story a sci - fi feel.

At the start of your story, in the classroom with the children and apparently kind teacher I was not sure what to expect from your story and was both pleasantly suprised and intrigued by the ideas and theme.

A few things which came to mind when reading it:

All of this happening so fast he had no time to organize a protest or ask a question.

might be better as "All of the HAPPENNED so fast...."

"Malice, as soon as you all are out of the building Mirandize him before you ever put him in the car."

"before you even put him in the car" - or just leave out the word "ever"

his face was smooth as a baby's butt.

I think this sounds better without the use of the word "butt" - just "As smooth as a baby's"

These were just a few things which came to me as I was reading the story - of course please feel free to ignore!

On a last note.....your authors note suprised me as I did not think the story related to sex offenders, moreover that it was more of a future fiction piece about dream stealing.....

Great read *Smile*
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Review by Jellyfish
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *TrainCar2B*

Our 2nd stop is DETECTIVE DEPOT

Hello Chatabit

I came across your poem looking for poetry in the "Detective" genre.

I found your poem an interesting read, which I grew to enjoy more as the poem went on. At the start of the poem I felt like the poem should rhyme, due to the way it is laid out, although on reading the whole thing I did not think this matters as much, since the imagary and the story behind the poem are strong.

I especially like the repetition of the line:

"From the thick, bold mascara; I wondered what she does"

This also leaves me as the reader wondering! I also like the fact that the poem does not reveal the answer to this question and it is left to the readers imagination....
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Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *TrainCar2B*

Our 2nd stop is DETECTIVE DEPOT

Hello Authorgirl 20

Well, this is the first "Madlib" I have come across here on WDC. It's a fun idea - I am quite inspired to write one now! The story created from the madlib did not make much sense I'm afraid! Although I think it is difficult to second guess what people might write. But it did make me laugh and it is a good idea.

In your last line I would add the words "years old" after the age choice as otherwise you just get the number and the gender showing up, which does not read as well

"Please, sir, it's the only pair I have an I would be excited if you didn't help me."

Is the "an" supposed to be "and"?

Just a couple of thoughts! :)
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Review of What am I  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *TrainCar2B*

Our 2nd stop is DETECTIVE DEPOT

Hello Ren,

First off this was not the kind of thing I expected to see in the "Detective" genre. However, it still fits and is an unusual take on the idea - ie. the reader being the detective.

I like the idea of a poem which is also a quiz, since I love poetry and I love quizzes! I was however a little confused by what the correct answer was as when I clicked on my choice, it did not say whether I was right or wrong! It might also be more fun to have a few more choices for the reader to guess at, or else leave it as an open choice.

With regards to the poem - I think it has a very interesting theme and some good imagary of describing the hunt for gold - although in places it could flow smoother with regard to the rhymes.

Great idea though! :)
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Review of Cucumber Snakes  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Genevieve

This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *TrainCar2B*

Our first stop is COMEDY.

I thought your story was a good descriptive piece about your holiday in Virginia and it kept me interested enough to read through to the end! You write well about your emotions and fears of the wild creatures on the trip.

The story does not seem especially funny to me. If anything, i was a little perturbed by the fact your husband laughed so flippantly at your fear and mocked your understanding of the wildlife of an area you had never been to!! I am not sure why he would do this? Perhaps you found it funny but this does not really come across in the story - you sound more scared.

I am also none the wiser as to whether there really are snakes that smell like cucumbers..... *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hmmm BBWolf I can't imagine you were ever so sweet and innocent *Wink*
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187
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Scribbler

This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *TrainCar2B*

Our first stop is COMEDY

I am presuming that due to the short length of your story and the highlighted words, it was written as an entry for a flash fiction contest, therefore I will review it as such!

On a word about this (if it was indeed written for a contest), it might be worth posting a link to the competition it was written for in case people do not realise (this is also good advice to myself!)

In any case, I think this is a good flash fiction story, it gets the readers attention and is amusing. Why I think it is probably flash fiction (to a word count) is that the story does not go in to much detail. As I write for 100 words of horror I know this is difficult in flash fiction - although this story does seem to stop abruptly and we learn little about the strange caller with a silver beard (apart from the fact he smuggles dinosaurs *Wink*

The line I enjoyed most
is :

John offered Bruce some brie from the fridge. He hoped it wasn't out of date. He never touched the stuff himself, his cheating wife had left it behind

I like the idea of him serving the out of date brie - made me smile! *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Micha

This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *TrainCar2B*

Our first stop is COMEDY

What I liked about your story was the depiction of your characters -you set a good scene in the kitchen belonging to this couple and I can picture them well - the girlfriend keen to impress her other half despite his OCD habits and the difficult boyfriend - perhaps it is a scenario which is close to home!?

However I would not say it has much comedy to it - in fact I would say that the story is slightly depressing! (although it makes me feel glad that I am single *Wink*

Great writing style, but as a short story the plot could be a little thicker, and I probably would not list as a comedy piece *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Dear Me  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Alexis

This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *TrainCar2B*

Our first stop is COMEDY

What I like about your letter is the really positive vibe which comes from it. There is a stern but determined tone which comes from this letter you have written to yourself. I think it is a good idea to point out the great things in your life (so many people will insist on mentioning what you are doing wrong - not what you are doing right!) And you are right - you should not be too hard on yourself.

I am a little confused as to how this fits in to the comedy genre - as although it is a well written piece in the context of a letter to yourself, I did not find it "funny" I do not know if you intended it to be so.

However, it is a real "feel good" piece and I left on a high note reading it, which is great *Smile*
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Review of Whobody  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Brenpoet

This is *TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *TrainCar2B*

This is a really cute and funny little poem and I love the picture which accompanies it! I think children would be certain to enjoy it.

I like the idea you have created of a "Whobody" which I am imagining is a cross between a somebody and a nobody! *Wink*

My favourite line is:

"He gets me in trouble and makes me so late,
He moves all my trains and spills food from my plate,

I can imagine a child using this excuse!

The one line I would change is

"If he gets a poke then maybe he'll go pop."

I would take out the word "go" in this line as I think it reads better - just my opinion though!
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Review by Jellyfish
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi there Bob. This is *TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item"  *Traincar2B*

Our first stop is COMEDY.

Your story had an interesting title which obviously grabs the readers attention! I found it an interesting story in an odd way although to be honest I did not find it especially humerous and it did not make me laugh at all - I appreciate however that humour is a very personal thing and that what one person may find funny, another will not.

In truth I found your story a little confusing, unsure of whether it was supposed to be a dream/fantasy, whether it really was supposed to be Mel Gibson and Jodi Foster or whether it was supposed to be people pretending to be them.

The story does not have a lot of continuity to it and flicks from one scene to another seemingly without reason although perhaps this is supposed to be the comedy element of it ?

I like some of the descriptions you have used such as the snow falling like "white ashes" and I also like the idea of the chess pieces made out of endangered animals which I think is very imaginative.

There are quite a fe typos in the story such as

Muzzy pears = Muzzy peers
tight ski suite = Tight ski suit

It might be worth spell checking before posting? I am ALWAYS making mistakes so I usually spell check my writings in Word (wonderful invention spell check lol)

Last of all - this line - "He took his night johny "

I am intrigued to know what a night johny is!?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Johnathan  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (4.5)
Heya,

I really like what you have done with the Acrostic Poem here - very different from mine! It is interesting how the same prompt inspires people differently don't you think?! Your poem really conveys the pain and sadness of the writer and how much she was in love with this man. I love the way you have ended it - "Frozen on soulless stone" - It sounds so haunting.

Unlike yourself (as you mentioned this in your review of my poem) I personally prefer poetry where the first letter of each line is a capital. I just think it looks better. I don't think there are so many rules with poetry as I have seen published poetry written both ways. I don't think it spoils your poem at all but in my opinion I think it would be improved if written in this fashion.

Good luck with the contest! *Smile*
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Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi KerrieAnn - well with all your winning pieces I thought your folder deserved a five star rating *Smile* Well done on so many placings, I think the poem a day contest is great also!

I especially liked your poems "Block", "Remember Remember" and "Turqouise".

Your line in your "cookies and milk" poem about Santa being on minimum wage made me smile.

It is a pleasure to read your poetry because it is so beautifully laid out with all the different colours and the way you have set out the lines of the poems on the page.

Happy new year! x
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Review of I am Machine  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great poem - I love your idea to compare man and machine, with the beating heart being similar to the clockwork workings inside such a machine. Also, it seems to be written in a "mechanical" style which I think suits the subject of the poem.

I especially like the lines here:

"Even with parts interchangeable
Functions reconfigurable
Memory rewritable"

which touches on all sorts of ideas concerning the human body - transplants and alzheimers for example spring to mind....

A really unusual and interesting read *Smile*
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Review of Darkness  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Having read your chapter I think you have a very good style of writing which is pleasurable to read. You set your scene well with the descriptions you have given and also display your knowledge of the politics of Uganda.

I really like your simile here:

"The past gnawed at her like ants over a free meal"

You have created a realistic character in Amber and given us a little of her past and present situation as part of the story.

I will say that to me this reads more like a short story in itself than an opening to a novel. As a short story I think it is good and well structured but the end of the "chapter" seems to be quite conclusive and does not really entice me, as the reader to continue reading the novel. I would say there would need to be something in the chapter that hints a plot which the reader would want to delve in to.

Please note that this is just my opinion but I thought I would mention it for your consideration *Smile*
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Review by Jellyfish
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
An interesting poem - to be it sounds more like lyrics to an emo song more than a poem - perhaps you should re - label this as lyrics?!

I like your opening verse, the rhymes are good and I like the idea of taking medication when ill making you feel productive even if they do not necessarily help.

I would get rid of the word "Cuz" and replace it with "as" "for" or simply leave it out. I say this because this slang word does not really fit in with the complex ideas of your poem/lyrics and the rest of it is written quite well *Smile*

The poem is a little confusing towards the end and the last two verses are a little odd but maybe this is why it reminds me of a song! You have some good imagary here nontheless.
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Review of Worm Meets Apple  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is an amusing poem and made me smile. I like the "Olde English" style you have written it in which almost enhances the comedy element of it.

I am not quite sure as to whether this is from the perspective of the worm or the apple? Although both, I think would be quite a challenge as it is an unusual subject!

Unfortunately, the poem does not seem to make a lot of sense to me -

(eg: "Alas worm, I am but a common green.
Fit only, for the cleaning of your latrine." - I am not sure why anyone would clean their toilet with an apple!)

Although I am thinking that perhaps you have purposely written in this style, a little like some of Spike Milligan's "nonsense" poetry ?

Also I think I am missing something at your last line:

"Do not thank me so.
My friend yet follows me, and he was born quite low." - I am guessing there is a joke in here but I am not really sure that I get it - this could be just me of course!

All round a good response to a difficult prompt, if a little confusing in places! *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Love Is Red  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (4.0)
Really sweet poem showing your idea of love - 8th grade...not sure how old that is, 12, 13?? I think you have some really good metaphors here - I especially like your idea of love being like a day with cake and lots of filling :) I hope you will continue with your writing as well as your sports! :)
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Review of Wishful thinking  
Review by Jellyfish
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Interesting flash fiction story - an unusual theme and a little bit disturbing to be honest - in fact it is probably more disturbing that she does not jump than if she did perhaps in the way she imagines falling in such detail but then smiles and drives away. I like your description in this piece - you can really see the girl and picture her on the windy cliffop.

The change in tenses is a little confusing as the story starts in present tense but then quickly changes to past tense - I think it would be improved if you wrote it all in the past tense for consistency :)

It would make a good entry for a flash fiction contest.

Happy New Year! x
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Review by Jellyfish
Rated: E | (4.5)
They're looking good BB Wolf - looks like a lot of fun! I hope you don't huff and puff and blow them all in ;)
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