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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Incubus  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey Dave, I'm here with a review of this piece as the judge for "Invalid Item" 

*Pencil* Storyline: This tells the story of a man who is forewarned by another before watching him perish. In an attempt to put the ghouls to rest, he pens a letter to this man who has passed on but didn't expect the reply that came.

*Hourglass* Pacing and flow: This piece flowed well and move at a good pace.

*Person* POV and tense: This was written from the pov of the narrator who takes the reader through the story.

*Woman**Man* Characters: The narrator is the main character and we see him through his thoughts as well as his actions of writing the letters.

*Mountainsb* Setting: I think takes place in his room/study where he can't sleep so he writes a letter to the man.

*Ghost* Atmosphere and tone: This has a strong atmosphere of the unknown and being really quite surreal. The letters also gave it an antiquated feel.

*Checkg* What I liked: This was a unique piece with a good balance between letter and narrative.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
52
52
Review of The White Room  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey, I'm here to read and review this as the judge for "Invalid Item" 

*Pencil* Storyline:This tells the story of the first nightmare you ever remember having. You take the reader through the story which starts before the nightmare adding context, and then through the nightmare itself.

I tell you something, I'm not scared of spiders but I wouldn't have liked that!

I also really liked the way you concluded this piece and showed what happened after the nightmare.

*Hourglass* Pacing and flow: This piece flowed well and moved at a good pace.

*Person* POV and tense: It's told from your point of view as a young child. The voice of a child comes across well.

*Mountainsb* Setting: This takes place in your home where you sleep on the top bunk. You went into a good lot of detail about how things looked and how it made you feel. That worked really well.

*Ghost* Atmosphere and tone: Definiately a freaky spider dream! I bet you still don't like vents now.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
53
53
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey I'm here with a review of this piece as part of my challenge for "a very Wodehouse challenge" . Query letters are one thing that always seems to get a writer tied up in knots so I'm looking forward to reading any advice you have on the subject.

*Checkg* What I liked:

This is a really thorough article about the dos and don't of writing and sending a query letter. You start with the introduction which tells the reader how you plan to write the article and then dive right in.

I found that the article is set out really well and is clearly marked which made it easy to read. The red titles of the bullet points drew my eye to the next bit and made it clear that one point was finished and that the next was beginning. You mark it clearly into sections to of Do and Don't and I find that's really helpful.

You offer some really brilliant pointers here for people who haven't written any/many query letters before and offer a lot of good advice.

I found the examples at the end were particularly helpful as it means the reader has something to reference, along with the points you provide, in order to attempt their query letter.

Thanks for sharing such a brill article!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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54
54
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey I'm here with a review of this piece for "a very Wodehouse challenge" 


*Checkg* What I liked:

I'm really glad I got the chance to read this piece. Writing love letters is something I used to do all of the time. It was a fun thing for me and often I would receive them back from my partner at the time, but my current partner isn't so ... literary and not really into writing. That's fine but it means I have stopped writing them as much.

First let me say what a really interesting topic for a newsletter! It's something really quite original and something I haven't seen before so I think that's a big well done on coming up with something so relevant even if it was a while ago you wrote it.

Within this piece, you have expressed your opinion about how to write a love letter and perhaps what should go in a love letter. I think a lot of it goes without saying but you have explained it really well anyway. I particularly really liked the point about using nicknames for each other. My partner and that do that on a daily basis and I think maybe along with that, those subtle sort of things you do as a couple, inside jokes, that sort of thing. It's always nice to do that.

Maybe another point would be to be yourself as well. It's so easy to fall into a trap of writing all of these big words and making it feel all romantic, and that's fine if you are like that as a person. Although I don't write letters as such I do write notes from time to time filled with stuff about how I'll miss him when I'm at work and perhaps a few things I'd like him to do (haha) but the focus of the letter is always about missing him. Know what I mean? So it's not a love letter as such but still kinda one.

*Mailv* General suggestions / A few parting comments...

The only thing I might suggest for this piece is to give it some spaces in between the paragraphs to make it a little easier to read.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
55
55
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey Joy! I spotted your contest and noticed it was a new addition and wanted to stop by with a review!


*Checkg* What I liked:

This contest is being run in honour of Writing.com's 14th birthday celebrations and is a debut (I think!) The idea of the contest is simple, to write a short piece of flash fiction from the prompt you have provided.

The rules are set out really well and they are clear throughout. I really like that you've asked for certain themes and characteristics to show up in the story, it means the writer will really have to think about how to include all three in such a short space.

The page is set out well and though simple, I think it works well and I like it. There isn't too much fuss and the picture you have used at the beginning is really original.

Great idea for a contest!





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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56
56
Review of For so long.  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey I saw this in the Read a Newbie page and wanted to stop by and check it out.


*Checkg* What I liked:

This monologue is a really emotional piece. It's full of your raw emotion and it works so well because you have not been afraid to express yourself at all. It flows really well and the descriptions you have used throughout make sure the reader knows just where you were at that awful time in your life. I think even the repetition of the darkness and the fog works so well.

You have created something beautiful here, a reminder of the struggle you have come through and survived. You should be proud of yourself *Heart*

And thank you for sharing such a personal piece close to your heart.



*Cut**Paste*Line by line suggestions: ▼




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
57
57
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey I saw this up on the Read a Newbie page so I thought I'd come and read it for you *Smile*

*Pencil* Storyline: I enjoyed reading this piece! I always admire it when someone writes a piece entirely in dialogue and I'm able to follow it, I don't always thinks it's an easy thing to do and I know I struggle with it.

It tells the story of two friends chatting over coffee and maybe looking for something more.

*Hourglass* Pacing and flow: This piece flows well and offers a good balanced conversation that flows naturally.

*Woman**Man* Characters: Savannah and Eric are the two people here. We know it's Savannah initially and I thought perhaps a girl-friend so I was a little surprised that it was a male but then there wasn't anything to suggest it was a female either. Perhaps that's the way my mind works!

*Mountainsb* Setting: The setting in this piece changes and I think you did that well going from campus to the coffee shop through the dialogue. I even like the way you put the server in there too, it adds a lot.

*Ghost* Atmosphere and tone: There's a strong tone of friendship here and perhaps the hint of something more. Nicely done.

*Thought2* Dialogue: AS I say I thought the dialogue flowed well and felt like a natural conversation.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
58
58
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hiya Elle, I'm here with a review of this piece as a part of my challenge from "a very Wodehouse challenge" 


*Checkg* What I liked:

I'm glad this was part of my challenge, I really enjoyed reading it *Smile* I think you have made a very good argument as to why letter writing is good and works better than email (on the right occasions). I think I'm like you in that when I picture opening a letter, I want to settle down with it and enjoy it and I have to say that when I've received mail from the fabulous Snail Mail group members it's brought the biggest smile to my face. There's nothing quite like opening such a personal letter.

I agree that sometimes it can be hard to get started with such a thing but then once you've started there are limitless possibilities and it just depends on your determination to keep it up. It's probably one of the best and most personal ways to communicate with people over long distance too (I agree with you that Facebook just doesn't cut it!)

Thanks for sharing this piece Elle, I really enjoyed reading it.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
59
59
Review of Teenage Angst  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is an RAOK Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey I saw this on the page "Please Review"  and thought I'd stop by and give it a read for you. Music is an important part of my life too and it helped me get over personal struggles so I think this is why I was drawn to this piece.

*Checkg* What I liked:{/b

You open with a really strong sentence that puts across just how important rock and roll is to you and your life, well done!


The first half of this piece is focused on the technical aspects of rock and roll, how the music is played, how the band works together to make it work and it seems that you have a lot of knowledge in this area. I'm a little lost with all of this so it was almost like a music lesson to me!

The second part of this monologue is about yourself and how music affected you and your life at the time. It's a very personal look into your childhood and went into detail about what music meant to you and why as well as looking at your favourite bands. You allow the reader into a personal part of your life here and really explain why things were like this for you and how that music helped you through such a tough time.

I think you have managed to express yourself very well here and I salute you for that.



*Cut**Paste*Line by line suggestions: ▼



Hope this helped!



Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the RAOK Group:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
60
60
Review of Evening escape  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is an RAOK Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hi! I saw you were looking for reviews of this in "Please Review"  so I thought I would stop by and take a look. Poetry isn't my strongest point but the title and subject intrigued me.


*Checkg* What I liked:

This poem is a piece about how you unwind after a long or particularly stressful day. It seems you let you mind wander and appreciate all of the small things and remind yourself that there is another day to come and that it will be better. I like this positive sort of thought process and found this quite a nice piece to read.

I noticed that throughout this piece that rhyming scheme seems to have changed slightly. It started with AA BB but by the end several of the lines are rhyming at a time. If this is what you intended to do then I think that's fine but personally, if I'm writing poetry and use rhyming I try to stick with one scheme as I find it tends to flow better that way.

I think if you were looking to extend this piece, one way you could do it would be to really delve into the feelings you have while you do this. It would give the reader more of a sense of you as a person and give the poem more depth.

*Cut**Paste*Line by line suggestions: ▼



Hope this helped!



Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the RAOK Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
61
61
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey I'm here as a judge for A Contest of Firsts! I apologise for my lateness in getting around to reading and reviewing, life is still a little crazy!

*Pencil* Storyline: This was a really great piece, Sandra. Was it a non-fiction piece? I only ask as you have it labelled as a short story but it comes across as a real life story.

You take the reader through the process of moving throughout this piece, how it was for you, how you felt, the traumas you went through. I felt like I was there with you and I have to say you were very brave to make such a move with such a young child. Not sure I could have done it!

I really appreciate you sharing this with me.

*Mailv* General suggestions / A few parting comments...

The only suggestion I'd make would be to have line spaces between each paragraph and get rid of the indent. It makes it a little easier to read when online.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
62
62
Review of In the Attic  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey I'm here as a judge for A Contest of Firsts! I apologise for my lateness in getting around to reading and reviewing, life is still a little crazy!

*Pencil* Storyline: This is a story about a newly wed couple who move into a house bequeathed to them in order to restore it and live there rather than paying rent prices. The first night they're there they find old tomes that hint at the dark nature of something and then, as they lie in bed and a noise comes from the attic, they find it's more than just imagination...

*Hourglass* Pacing and flow: This piece flows well and moves at a good pace.

*Person* POV and tense: It's told from the point of view of Webster's grandson in first person point of view. It gives good scope to show how he sees and experiences things.

*Woman**Man* Characters: There are two main characters here. I think that you develop them enough for such a short piece.

*Mountainsb* Setting: This takes place in the old house. You set the scene really well throughout so the reader sees it as they do.

*Ghost* Atmosphere and tone: One thing I would say is that although I enjoyed reading this piece, I think it could have done with a little more in terms of fear/terror feeling from the main character. I wanted more of his emotion to know how he felt throughout.








Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
63
63
Review of Crossings  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Hook Us!" . Thanks for entering!


*Checkg* What I liked:

The initial paragraph here is quite hooking. You let the reader of the query letter in on a world that is different and offers elements of fantasy or supernatural powers. I found this to be intriguing as it's something I particularly enjoy reading.

*Mailv* General suggestions / A few parting comments...

As your letter went on I found that I was receiving more information about the inspiration for this piece, which although fine, I realised I wanted more about the novel. I wanted you to really whet my appetite and give me a taste of the world that those bandits live in. You could have added a little more here to that affect and really utilised the space allowed.

However, I did enjoy reading this and think it will make an intriguing tale.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
64
64
Review of Query letter  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Hook Us!" . Thanks for entering!.


*Checkg* What I liked:

The first paragraph does a good job of hooking the reader. It gives a glimpse of the world, the idea that darkness pervades all and a concealed world. It's quite intriguing.

I think you would have benefitted from expanding on the next chapter as you had another two to play with. You could have hinted more at the world, the plot, what the main story arc is and the main character. I think it might have made the reader a little more curious as to what to expect.

Your final paragraph works really well to inform the reader about the manuscript, how much is complete and tell about the genres. That worked well for me.


*Cut**Paste*Line by line suggestions: ▼




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
65
65
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Hook Us!" . Thanks for entering!


*Checkg* What I liked:

You open this query letter with a good hook. The reader finds they want to find out who and what Maria is about just as much as she does. You go on to explain how there is another main character involved, Steven, whose story intertwines with Maria's. It seems the two stories go hand in hand and you show this to the reader and make both of their stories intriguing.

You go on to give a good synopsis of the background, characters and stories too which is great.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
66
66
Review of Wedding in White  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey I wanted to come and return the review you did for me!

*Pencil* Storyline: This short story is a strong, compelling piece. Jessie is walking down the aisle, soon to be married but as she walks, in the congregation, she sees a familiar face and her world is shattered.

*Hourglass* Pacing and flow: This piece flowed well and moved at a good pace throughout.

*Person* POV and tense: This is told in third person point of view which gives a good scope for the view.

*Woman**Man* Characters: Jessie is the main character here. She promised to wait for a man but after he's been gone a long while she moves on. I think any woman would. But her world is shattered once again when he returns.

*Mountainsb* Setting: This takes place in the church they're getting married in. You set the scene well.

*Ghost* Atmosphere and tone: This piece is full of sorrow as well as mystery as the reader doesn't really find out what happened.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
67
67
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey! I'm here with my first review for the package you won at "The Great G Fundraiser"  I know you asked me to look at this piece but I also quite like horror etc so I'm looking forward to reading this.

*Pencil* Storyline: This tells the story of Dalton and Jeff, two friends who go to investigate the mysterious happenings at the local haunted house. The first night doesn't go to plan but the next night, Halloween, they're determined to find out what's going on.

*Hourglass* Pacing and flow: This piece flows well throughout and moves at just the right pace with a good balance between narrative and dialogue.

*Person* POV and tense: This is told in third person which gives scope for more to be seen. It works well.

*Woman**Man* Characters: Dalton and Jeff are the main characters here. They're two teenage boys, both a little mischievous and obviously like to have jests against each other. They work together and pool their courage in order to get this done but it seems that Jeff is the ring leader, or the one to exert peer pressure. You got their characters down well.

*Mountainsb* Setting: Moreau Mansion. You set the scene really well and allow the reader to be there with the characters as they go exploring.

*Ghost* Atmosphere and tone: Pretty dark and creepy.

*Thought2* Dialogue: The dialogue works well throughout, at first quite laid back and laughable and then going on to be quite dark and hushed.


*Cut**Paste*Line by line suggestions: ▼




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
68
68
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey! I'm here to read and review this as a judge for A Contest of Firsts! I'm sorry it's a little later than normal, I started a new job that's left me a little frazzled.

*Pencil* Storyline: This is a really lovely tale. You recount a time when you were young and the festive traditions you went through with your family, including going to visit grandparents and tracking Santa!

*Hourglass* Pacing and flow: This piece flows well and moves at a good pace.

*Person* POV and tense: You tell this from your point of view as a child. It's almost written in a stream of consciousness point of view which means the reader experiences your thoughts and feelings with you as they happen which makes it really realistic.

*Mountainsb* Setting: The setting changes in this piece but you allow the reader to see it with you.

*Ghost* Atmosphere and tone: This is a nice nostalgic festive pice.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
69
69
Review of A Holiday Tableau  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey! I'm here to read and review this as a judge for A Contest of Firsts! I'm sorry it's a little later than normal, I started a new job that's left me a little frazzled.

*Pencil* Storyline: This is a really brilliant description of a time you remember specifically. You show the reader through the short scene so they are there with you.

*Hourglass* Pacing and flow: This piece flows well and moves at a good pace.

*Person* POV and tense: You tell this from your point of view which means the reader is aware of how you experienced it and how it was for you.

*Mountainsb* Setting: You set the scene incredibly well, I wish I was there!

*Ghost* Atmosphere and tone: This is a very warm and cosy environment.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
70
70
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey! I'm here to read and review this as a judge for A Contest of Firsts! I'm sorry it's a little later than normal, I started a new job that's left me a little frazzled.

*Pencil* Storyline: This tells the story of moving to a completely different culture and encompassing everything that goes with it including Christmas traditions with Santa. You recount the tale from both your adult and young self where you think about what you missed out on your childhood and what you have now.

*Hourglass* Pacing and flow: This piece flowed well and moved at a good pace.

*Person* POV and tense: You told this from your point of view which means it's easier for the reader to understand where you're coming from as well as getting a good idea of you as a person.

*Mountainsb* Setting: You tell us where this is set but also make sure you set the scene.

*Ghost* Atmosphere and tone: This comes across as quite festive as well as nostalgic.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
71
71
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey! I'm here to read and review this as a judge for A Contest of Firsts! I'm sorry it's a little later than normal, I started a new job that's left me a little frazzled.

*Pencil* Storyline: This is a tale which recounts your earliest memory of Halloween. I really like the way in which you show the reader how you felt at the time as you remember it.

*Hourglass* Pacing and flow: This piece flows well throughout.

*Person* POV and tense: This is told from your point of view which makes it more realistic for the reader.

*Mountainsb* Setting: You set the scene well for the reader including the atmosphere throughout.






Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
72
72
Review of The Gray One  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey Jen, I wanted to come and return the review you did for me. I'm not much of a poet but I thought I would give this a go. I used to write a lot of poetry when I was going through dark time too and so perhaps it resonated with me in that way.


*Checkg* What I liked:

This is indeed a very dark piece of poetry. It's raw and full of emotion and you haven't held back on it at all. I really like the way you consider that there is a good and bad but also acknowledge that grey in between in the middle there. It makes the reader think about justice and what it is and indeed, whether it's fair or just. I think this is a really clever piece.

I want to thank you for sharing this and also for allowing yourself the freedom of expression to write it.



*Cut**Paste*Line by line suggestions: ▼




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
73
73
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: *Sun*Celebrating YOU in our POWER MEMBER BBQ PARTY RAID! *Sun**Cool*

*Pencil* Storyline: This is a fan fic (though I have to be honest and I'm not sure what of!) in which Kotter goes back to school and this time he's the teacher. He tries to enthuse a class of sleepy students by coming up with creative topics.

*Hourglass* Pacing and flow: This is a short piece but is flows well and paces nicely.

*Woman**Man* Characters: Kotter is the main character here. It's interesting as he can see things from both points of view, as the teacher and as the student. I like that.

*Mountainsb* Setting: This takes place in a classroom. I found myself wanting to know a little more about what it looked like. I think the chalk board is a nice touch though *Smile*

*Ghost* Atmosphere and tone: This does have a very sleep school feel.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
74
74
Review of Prompt Entries  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is an RAOK Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey Josh! I wanted to return the review you did for me. I found my way to the short story collection where you hold you entries for contests so I thought I'd stop in.

*Pencil* Storyline: This is a story about a young boy, Tommy, who is the youngest of a middle sized family. He wants to go to the store with his father and brothers but isn't allowed because he's too young, but eventually they come to a compromise that keeps everyone happy. You followed the prompt and executed it well.

*Hourglass* Pacing and flow: This piece flowed well.

*Person* POV and tense: I noticed a few times throughout this piece that you switch between past and present tense. I've pointed some examples out below but I would suggest sticking with one tense in order to stay consistent and ensure the flow of the story is smooth.

*Woman**Man* Characters: Tommy is the main character. He's the youngest sibling and the reader can see it in the way he acts but he's also a likeable guy.

*Mountainsb* Setting: This takes place in the house. This is more story focused which is fine but perhaps a little detail about the house and what it looks like might be useful for the reader.



*Mailv* General suggestions / A few parting comments...

One thing I found myself wondering is why the speech was in different colours? If it's to differentiate between the different people, the reader should be able to tell through use of speech tags that come after and tell the reader who is speaking rather than having to use different colours.


*Cut**Paste*Line by line suggestions: ▼



Hope this helped!



Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the RAOK Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
75
75
Review of Knock Knock  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading* Initial hook and title: Hey Angus, I wanted to return the review you did for me! This title had me asking the same question as your description and I couldn't resist finding out!

*Pencil* Storyline: What a delightfully creepy piece! It's really unique in the way it's told, almost a stream of consciousness type of way but it still managed to keep and hold my attention right the way through. I wanted to know what was going to happen and I have to say, I didn't see that coming!

*Hourglass* Pacing and flow: I think this piece flows well and feels just like a stream of thought would do. Well done on that!

*Person* POV and tense: You write in the second person here with the narrator addressing the reader in the present tense. Although second person isn't widely used you capture it well here and follow it through well.

*Woman**Man* Characters: The main character is the narrator. You do well to let the reader into his mind throughout.

*Mountainsb* Setting: This takes place in his home and we see it just as he perceives it.

*Ghost* Atmosphere and tone: It got creepier towards the end and I think you built it well.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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