blue jellybaby's (joanne4eva) Reviews

blue jellybaby

Review Requests: OFF

3,537 Public Reviews Given

4,150 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!

I'm good at...

I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!

Favorite Genres

Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.

Favorite Item Types

Statics - fiction.

26

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14 days may be credited.

#4065275

Review of Dear me

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hi Lynda! I'm here with your final review as part of the package you won at "Invalid Item"

This piece really caught my eye and although we're nearing the end of 2014, I couldn't help but stop by and read this one.

What I liked:

I feel like when you've written this, you've attempted to give yourself a reality check. I think it's important that we all do this sometimes and we all need to take stock of our lives. In this case, you have asked yourself why your brain seems to need a permanent break. Sometimes I find that when I take a short break, that short break grows until it seems it has been weeks or even months. It can be easy to slip into old habits.

So you gave yourself a shake up and my question to you now is, did you manage to achieve it? You have an awful lot in your port so I would have said so indeed! Did you do as much writing as you wanted to?

I really appreciate you sharing this with us!

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

27

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14 days may be credited.

#4065274

Review of Why?

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey Lynda! I'm here to review this piece as part of the auction package you won at "Invalid Item"

.

I don't read a lot of real-life pieces normally but this one really caught my eye.

What I liked:

First let me say that I'm so sorry for your loss. I had no idea you have been through such a traumatic time. I am sure that your daughter is a huge miss in your life.

This piece is so well written. It shows the reader all of the emotions and actions you went through at the time of turning her machines off. That must have been such a terrible time for you and your family yet you have written through the pain to find solace. You capture the mood and tone of the situation really well and draw it through your writing so the reader is able to know how things were for you.

Thank you for not only sharing this but for writing it too.

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

28

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14 days may be credited.

#4065272

Review of I'm Poppy the butterfly

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey Lynda! I'm here with a review of this piece for the package you won at "Invalid Item"

Storyline: I really enjoyed this read. It's really lighthearted and simple and I think that's the beauty of it. You write as if you were the butterfly enjoying your garden and flying about. You describe everything from the perspective of the butterfly which works really well and shows how innocent everything is.

I think this piece strikes me as something that could be a children's piece.

Pacing and flow: This piece flows well and moves at a good pace.

Setting: You do a really good job of setting the scene, particularly from the perspective of Poppy. We see things as she experiences them which is great.

Atmosphere and tone: As I said this piece is fun and frolicking.

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

29

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#4055665

Review of Samhein Prowlin'

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey I'm here with a review of this piece as a judge for "Invalid Item"

What I liked:

This was a really fun poem! I think you started it nicely with a really original title and carried on through with some brilliant alliteration. It works really well as a device to bring the whole piece together and really sets the scene for Halloween and the creatures that surround it.

The way you set it into stanzas separating the themes and the alliteration too works really well. Thanks for sharing!

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

30

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14 days may be credited.

#4048719

Review of Lightning Bugs in Mason Jars

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

. Thanks for entering!

Storyline: This is the story of Jasmine who lives on her own in a house in Louisiana. She's there just after Katrina hits and finds that being without electricity gets her mind flowing in more ways than one.

This was a particularly interesting way in which to take the story and I found it to be quite original. I also thought that due to the subject matter it could have been particularly sad however, you have brought the tone of the story up and given it a really nice message.

Pacing and flow: This piece flowed well and moved at a good pace. There was only one paragraph that I thought could use a little work as I found there was a lot of information in it when the narrator is telling the reader how the house came to be hers and where it was before that. While I think it's a good idea, I also think there's a lot of information in that one space, perhaps it could be distributed throughout the story.

POV and tense: This story is told in third person which gives good scope for the wider vision of the story.

Characters: Jasmine is the main character here. I'm not sure how old she is but considering how long she's been in the house I'd say middle aged? She's on her own as she wasn't able to have children and mostly it seems that doesn't bother her until the sound of silence overwhelms.

Setting: Mostly this all takes place on her porch. You set the scene well so the reader knows what they are seeing and how she perceives it.

Atmosphere and tone: As I said, this could have been quite a sombre piece but you brought the mood of it up and it worked well.

Line by line suggestions: ▼

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

31

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#4048717

Review of BEAUTY IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

. Thanks for entering!

Storyline: Megan is in turmoil over the choices in her relationships and after arguments with her partner and her girlfriend, she takes off to see her Grandma who is always there and never judges her life choices. The next morning, while out walking, Megan comes across an old woman right beside a string of old mason jars and what she sees in there is certainly very disturbing...

This is an interesting piece and certainly an original take on the prompt. I have to say it's the first horror/dark entry I've read. I enjoyed the read and found it quite clever.

Pacing and flow: This piece flowed well and moved at a good pace. The only suggestion I have is that when the point of view switches or the scene, it might be good to put in *** to show the reader that's what happening. I also think towards the end the pace speeds up a little when we're with Rob and Alicia, maybe this could be slowed down a little to delve into their thoughts a little more.

Characters: Megan is the main character. She's in turmoil over a choice she feels she must make between her boyfriend and her girlfriend, both of which she has feelings for in a different kind of capacity. Instead, she runs away to think things through. She seeks solace and clearly being with her Grandma is a good thing for her.

Rob is her boyfriend. He comes across as strong and stoic and very determined.

Alicia is her best friend. We don't see an awful lot about her but just knowing that she comes to find Megan too means she cares a lot.

Setting: This takes place up at her Grandma's home. You set the scene really well inviting the reader in with all of their senses.

Atmosphere and tone: As I said this is the first dark piece I've read but it has that darkness along with hope and tranquility.

General suggestions / A few parting comments...

The only thing I would note is that the dialogue all seems to be in italics and I'm not quite sure why. I'd suggest taking that off.

I have no line by line suggestions to make!

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

32

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#4048715

Review of The Angel Jars

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

. Thanks for entering!

I really like the title, quite a nice touch.

Storyline: This tells the story of Jonas who hangs lights one night waiting for the angels to come and leave their blessings as his grandmother taught him.

I found this was an interesting way to take the story line, really quite original.

Pacing and flow: I found that while this piece flowed well the pacing could have been slowed down a lot to allow for expansion. I feel like you could have added a lot to this piece.

POV and tense: This is told in third person point of view which is good for giving an overall sense but in this story, it limits what the reader can find out and put the character at arms length.

Characters: Jonas Creeley is the main character here. We know he's a man who hangs mason jars as he believes he knows the secret to catching angel blessings. I found that there was a lot more I wanted to know about him. Where does he live? Does he live alone? How old is he? What is his occupation?

I also found I wanted more of his thoughts and emotions inputted into the narrative in order to give the reader more of a sense of the sort of person he is and his beliefs.

Setting: While I know this was set outside the home in the mountains, I found I wanted to see it. Tell the reader how it looked, smelled, felt. Was it cold? What was he wearing? What did the mountains look like?

I have no line by line suggestions to make!

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

33

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14 days may be credited.

#4048710

Review of Night of Lights

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

. Thanks for entering!

Storyline: This tells the story of our main character and Jim, who meet one day and seem destined to be together. However, after a festive night out complete with mason jars at a very romantic restaurant, everything changes.

I have to admit I didn't see that ending coming and it shocked me a little. I understand that happy endings don't always happen so that's fine but I think it could have been expanded some, explained.

Pacing and flow: I think mostly the pacing of this piece was fine. Towards the end it did get a little fast and I found like I felt I was missing something. They ended their relationship and that's fine but I think I wanted a sort of conclusion, to find out just how she felt and how it would affect her now. After all, she admitted she fell in love with him.

POV and tense: This is told in the first person point of view. It works well to give immediacy but as it's told in the past tense I feel like it was just a recounted version of it all happening. I found I wanted more in terms of emotions and thoughts throughout and in the moment.

Characters: Our main character is the narrator for this short story. We don't end up finding out her name which I think is a shame. You could perhaps add it in with something small such as someone calling her to a table? She's a middle aged woman who's been married and divorced and is certainly a lot more wise in her ways now. She isn't looking for permanent though she is surprised to find she might have found it. She embraces life and takes it as it is.

Setting: The setting of this piece changes and you make sure the reader knows where they are. I think you could have added a little more in terms of description just so the reader perceived it as she did.

Atmosphere and tone: This piece was full of hope but was very realistic, especially towards the end.

I have no line by line suggestions to make!
Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

34

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14 days may be credited.

#4048706

Review of Of Robots and Humanity

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: I'm here reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

. Thanks for entering!

Storyline: This tells the story of Annie (the big sister) and Alex (the younger brother) who are out for a walk in town. They talk about a lot of things and then stop where someone is putting lights up. Alex tries to work out what they are but soon gives up. Then the pair sit down to watch a movie on the big screen together.

You tackle the issue of autism in this story and I think you do it well. It must have been difficult to write but it appears you have some knowledge of the subject.

You have the prompt in there and it appears the lights become a bit focus for young Alex who is currently fixated on robots.

Pacing and flow: I felt like in place this piece flows a little too fast. You could slow this down and really add to it to help the readers understand the characters and their relationship.

POV and tense: I noticed in this short story that you switch between past and present tense in places. It pulled me out of the story. I would suggest having a re-read of it to see if you can spot those places and change them so they remain consistent.

Characters: Annie and Alex are the main characters. I'm not sure how old they are now but Annie was 18 when Alex was born and she acts as a mother to him at times. She can't help but want to look after him and she hates that he gets bullied because he's autistic.

Setting: The setting of this piece changes and while you set the scene I think you could add to it with more description of sight, sound, smell and perhaps even the others (what does the ice cream taste like?)

Atmosphere and tone: There is a lot of sibling love going on here and you capture the tone well.

Dialogue: If dialogue is followed by a speech tag it tends to end in a comma and is followed with a lower case letter. I've pointed an example out below but during your read through I think you might catch a few more.

Line by line suggestions: ▼

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

35

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14 days may be credited.

#4045780

Review of Going Back

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Invalid Item"

September round!

What I liked:

The subject of this poem is going back to school and you do it well. You took the form and inspiration of another poem and used it to write something really quite unique. I have to admit it took me a little while to get into the flow of the poem but I think that could be because of a lack of experience on my part.

You took the reader through the journey of actually going to school and what it meant to the character and then through school itself using a myriad of description to enthrall.

Overall, I found this a good read. Thanks for entering!

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

36

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14 days may be credited.

#4045774

Review of Christmas in July

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey I'm here with a review of this piece as a judge for "Invalid Item"

Storyline: This is certainly a very unique take on the prompt with the gift not actually being physical as such but a meaningful thought. Violet wakes up one morning to find that her partner has decorated the house, in the middle of July, as Christmas. I'd say that was pretty neat and very thoughtful.

Pacing and flow: I think you could slow the pace of this down somewhat and allow the reader to really take in the scene and get to know Violet a bit more as well as the settings.

POV and tense: You switch between past and present tense in this piece. I have to admit that it threw me a little and I'd suggest trying to stay consistent with one in order to keep the flow moving nicely.

Characters: Violet is the main character here. We know she's been having odd dreams as well as has a boyfriend of six months. I found that I wanted to know more about Violet, what she's like as a person and even what she looks like. I think it would be good to include some of that in this piece.

Setting: This piece is set in her home. Although you describe the Christmas room I found I wanted to see more of the house and what it looked like. Give small snippets of description and it will show this as well as give more hint to Violet's personality.

Atmosphere and tone: Quite fun and certainly a very thoughtful piece.

Dialogue: I think that some of the dialogue felt quite stiff. If you read through it, particularly out loud, you will notice that. I would try to add in some abbreviations as people normally use those in speech.

General suggestions / A few parting comments...

I would change the type of this piece to short story or fiction to make it clearer to other people what it is and it means you also might get more people coming by to read.

Line by line suggestions: ▼

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

37

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#4045773

Review of My First great gift

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey I'm here as a judge for the September round "Invalid Item"

What I liked:

This was a really rich piece from your personal life. I honestly felt like I got to know you as a person, where you have come from and how your childhood was. You take the reader through the story with a very strong narrative voice which gives a brilliant sense of your personality.

The anecdote you have shared with us is really quite different and original. Your first gift was the one you shared with someone else, one you sought to brighten up someone else's life and I think that in itself is a very nice and unselfish gesture. I have to say though, I don't think I would have felt much like going back to church after this!

This is obviously a very personal piece and for that I really thank you for not only taking the time to write it, but to be willing to share it with us. Thank you.

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

38

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14 days may be credited.

#4045492

Review of 3321 (WIP Story)

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey you asked me to come and review this for you so here I am. I know you said that the title is a placeholder at the minuter but the description certainly adds a lot to it and made me want to know what was coming.

Storyline: This was a really intriguing piece that had me hooked until the end. I have to say, I didn't know what was coming at all and that ending was quite a twist. Where did the idea of this come from?

You follow the life of Tanya who sells herself for money in an attempt to make a better life for herself. She prepares for another night out on the street when she sees two cars that make her stop and look again but eventually she passes it off. As she gets her first customer the cars return...

Pacing and flow: This piece flowed well and moved at a good pace.

POV and tense: This was written in third person point of view which gives a good scope to see everything.

Characters: Tanya is the main character here. I think you did really well with her character and she comes across as a nice, genuine person stuck in a place she doesn't want to be. You give the reader her thoughts and emotions throughout which makes her real. I would say that I wanted to know a little more of her background, how she came to be in that position. Perhaps that's something that could be worked in and make her more three dimensional.

Setting: The setting in this piece changes throughout but you set the scene well. Maybe a little more description of her instincts through it all would add to it as she might be on edge sometimes with some things. You could tell us what the street looks like where she's waiting for her clients too.

Atmosphere and tone: This is quite a dark piece in a way due to the subject nature of it but I think Tanya and her voice and hopefulness bring it back up.

Line by line suggestions: ▼

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

39

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14 days may be credited.

#4043060

Review of Sorrow, Rain, & Amenheo

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey you asked me to stop by with a review of this piece so here I am

The title is certainly quite intriguing and I find myself wondering what is coming. I always like to read outside of my normal genres and fantasy is something I don't read too often so I'm looking forward to this.

Storyline: Kyrick and his men are soldiers. They stop marching for one night and visit a woman in her home and when she tells them her daughter was taken, they go to retrieve her.

I can't help but feel that this is just a snippet of something much larger. A lot of it feels quite unfinished. I wanted to know why they were marching and where to? What soldiers were they? What were they fighting for? And much more too.

POV and tense: This piece fluctuates between third person and first person point of view. I've pointed a couple of instances out below but I have to admit it left me pretty confused. I had to re-read sections a lot of the time. I think it would be best if you choose one tense and stick with that. I'd also suggest if you pick first person you need to make it clear who is telling the story.

Characters: Kyrick is the main character. We know he's a soldier and a good man but I found I wanted to get into his mind more, find out what makes him tick, why he does what he does, what his reactions and emotions are.

Setting: The setting changes in this piece throughout which is fine and you let the reader know where they are. I might suggest adding more detail here and there to allow to reader to know how the characters perceive it.

Atmosphere and tone: This piece has a strong fantasy element to it.

Line by line suggestions: ▼

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

40

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14 days may be credited.

#4043043

Review of Bang, Bang

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Here I'm here with a review of this piece as a judge for the June entries of "Invalid Item"

I apologise that these reviews and announcements are coming out late but due to personal circumstances I'm afraid it had to be put on hold.

The title of this piece intrigued me but the description didn't really give a hint to what was coming so I'm looking forward to seeing what I'm reading.

What I liked:

I think you captured the element of the prompt really well: cruelty. Kids can certainly be very cruel can't they? I think the place for this piece is very well chosen because it's a prominent feature in a child's life for a long time and where a lot of friendships are made as well as enemies.

This piece is quite dark. It starts off a little lighthearted as this person reminisces about their time at school and how awful it was for them, however the subject darkens dramatically as there is an admission of a revenge plot going on.

The piece itself flows well and moves at a good pace. The rhyming works well together and takes the reader through the at a consistent flow. Good read, thanks for sharing!

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

41

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14 days may be credited.

#4043037

Review of Crucible

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey I'm here as a judge for the June around of "Invalid Item"

Apologies that this is coming rather late but due to personal issues of the contest host, decisions weren't able to be made. I'm here now though!

As you know, poetry isn't my strong point but then I do love a challenge. Interesting title and certainly a very thought provoking subject.

What I liked:

This certainly is a really dark piece and fits well for the prompt of cruelty. This piece really made me think of the world and some of the horrors within it and I think in particular the third stanza was really poignant for me. We see events as catatrophes but don't consider the behind the scenes. You point that out really well.

The language you use throughout this piece is very vivid and it paints a picture for the reader which works really well.

I tend to really enjoy reading free verse and think was no exception. I think it allows for freedom of expression which is what you've done here.

Brilliant picture by the way!

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

42

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14 days may be credited.

#4041217

Review of The Terrible Gift

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey Leah, this is my third review as part of the package you won at "WDC's Biggest CuppyCake Ever!"

. I don't often read poetry but when I saw this I couldn't help myself.

What I liked:

This is a very strong and emotionally raw piece. You have poured your heart and soul into this and shared you soul with us here. You have gone through a roller coaster of emotions which is very clear and you're not afraid to stand tall and admit it.

I think the very nature of this poem is that you're back and forth, one minute more accepting and another fighting or repelling. I think that sounds like a very natural reaction to be having and I'm so glad you've been able to write about it here and really express yourself.

I want to thank you for sharing this with us. It lets me get to know you more

Sending you my thoughts and love.

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

43

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14 days may be credited.

#4041214

Review of The Prayer Quilt

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey, I'm here to review this as part of the package you won with "WDC's Biggest CuppyCake Ever!"

. This piece intrigued me by it's title and subject.

Storyline: This is a really nice piece. Trina receives a prayer quilt in the mail but something tells her, it's not for her. She waits and listens patiently and then finally, the voice comes again and she knows just who it's for.

This is a sweet yet sad tale about an illness that affects all too many people. It left me with a smile at the end.

Pacing and flow: This piece flowed well and moved at a good pace. It gave a good length of time for the narrative and as time passed you dealt with the transition well.

POV and tense: This is told in the third person point of view. It works well for this short story and gives a good balance of being able to see all.

Characters: Trina is the main character here. We know she works hard and that she's a spiritual woman. She listens to those instincts and the divine calling her and waits until the right time. She's a likeable character and you portray her well.

Setting: Most of this piece takes place in Trina's home.

Atmosphere and tone: As I said, this piece has a sad undertone but with a message of hope.

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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14 days may be credited.

#4041211

Review of From The Shadows...

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey I'm here for your third review as part of the package you won in "Invalid Item"

. It was the title that really drew me into this piece.

Storyline: This is the story of Sofia who is participating in an obstacle course but with a twist - she has to swim it! I like the original idea of this.

Pacing and flow: Again I think in this story you could expand it a little more and really allow the reader to understand the processes as well as the character a little more. For example, she seems to jump from having lunch to being at the pool. Perhaps there's room for expansion there.

Characters: Sofia is the main character in this piece. It made me wonder if it's the same Sofia or if you really like the name (I think it's a lovely name!) She's the youngest out of all of her friends but she clearly has a lot of determination to succeed and works hard. I like her.

Setting: The setting of this piece is the obstacle course and you give the reader a good view of it.

Atmosphere and tone: There's rising apprehension in this and you capture it well.

Line by line suggestions: ▼

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

45

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4041209

Review of Coloring the World

for entry "Scars"

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey I'm here with your second review as part of the package you won at "Invalid Item"

.

Storyline: This short story is about Deeksha. She is a talented girl and plays the Veena well and as she grows up aspires to do something with her musical talent. She eventually opens up her own music school to teach others the same.

Pacing and flow: I found in place that this piece moved a little too quick. You may have had a word count for this but I felt like the story skipped and missed important things and transitions.

POV and tense: This was written in third person point of view which did a good job to give an all around view.

Characters: Deeksha is the main character in this piece. She's a talented young woman with an affinity for music. I think I would have liked to see into her mind a bit more, really feel her emotions with her and share her thoughts.

Setting: The setting of this piece changes. I would have liked to see a little more of what it looked like.

Atmosphere and tone: There is a sombre tone to this piece but with a lot of success too.

Line by line suggestions: ▼

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

46

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4041206

Review of My Father

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey I'm here with your first review as part of the package you won at "Invalid Item"

!

Storyline: I really enjoyed reading this short story. It's a children's tale based around father's day which Sofia tries to plan what she's doing for her father to celebrate as well as reminisce about him too and what he means to her.

Pacing and flow: This piece flows well and moves at a good pace.

POV and tense: This is written from Sofia's point of view. I almost got the feeling she was sitting telling this to someone or that she had written it all down.

Characters: Sofia is the main character here. You put her character across well and make the reader aware of how much she appreciates what she's got.

Setting: The setting isn't mentioned in this piece but I don't think it's too important considering the nature of the story.

Atmosphere and tone: This was a very sweet and thoughtful piece.

Line by line suggestions: ▼

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

47

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4039219

Review of The Spirits of Summer

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey I'm here to read and review this as the judge for "Invalid Item"

. Poetry isn't my strongest point but I always enjoy reading and challenging myself to review it too.

What I liked:

I'm really glad I got the opportunity to read this. It's certainly a very unique poetry form and I think you've captured it well. It matches the form throughout.

The tone of this piece is really light and quite nostalgic as it makes me think of those summer days. You paint a really beautiful picture with your words here and go through the days and evenings too which I thought was a really nice take on the prompt and showed a variety of summer activities and memories.

The poem flows really well and moves at quite a lazy-day pace which works really well.

Thanks for sharing!

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

48

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4037587

Review of Bittersweet Memories

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hey!

This is a Addicted to WdC Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Thank you for your order at "Invalid Item"

.

'

What I liked:

I know I mentioned before that poetry isn't my strong point but sometimes I just like to give it a go! The title of this piece was interesting and made me want to know about those memories of yours.

This is a poem about the bittersweet memories of a relationship that has either passed or changed dramatically. It's quite a nostalgic piece in which you reminisce about that love and what it was for you then and what it is now, lamenting the change. You freely express yourself here and to those ends, it works well.

The piece is a free verse with several stanzas, each of them with different numbers of lines. One thing I would say is that also it's free verse it can often flow a little better if there are an even number of lines in a stanza.

Line by line suggestions: ▼

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of "WDC Addicts Anonymous"

!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

49

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4037070

Review of As Snow Falls to My Unknown face

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (2.5)

Hey!

This is a Addicted to WdC Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: ' ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Thank you for your order at "Invalid Item"

.

Interesting title by the way!

Storyline: This tells the story of someone who wakes up in a snow-covered place with no idea of who they are or why they are there. What a terrifying concept. The person goes to investigate and is accosted by a beast. All the while Christmas songs can be heard...

Pacing and flow: Due to the tense changing the flow of this piece is quite interrupted. I also feel that the pacing changes as the reader never really seems to find out what's going on or why.

POV and tense: The tense within this piece changes from past to present tense. It disrupts the flow slightly. I think it would be better if you pick one tense and stick with it in order to stay consistent.

Characters: There is one main character here and we know that they have memory loss. The nature of the piece means we don't get a good grasp on who the person is and while that's okay, I think perhaps the reader needs to know more about the emotions and thoughts that are going through this person's mind. I'd think I would be terrified.

Setting: This takes place out in a snowy place, you make that quite clear.

Atmosphere and tone: I think the tone of this piece is quite dark because it is the unknown.

General suggestions / A few parting comments...

I would suggest having spaces between each of your paragraphs in order to make it flow a little easier for the reader.

Line by line suggestions: ▼

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of "WDC Addicts Anonymous"

!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

50

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4034050

Review of My First Nightmare

Review by blue jellybaby

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (3.0)

Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

Initial hook and title: Hey I'm here with a review of this piece as the judge for "Invalid Item"

Storyline: This tells the story of Eliza, a seven year old girl who spots something in the sky one day only to be told it's a dragon. As her family rush around and try to find shelter he wakes up to find it was just a nightmare!

I have to admit, I think I saw the ending coming. Having someone wake up from a dream right at the pinnacle of the action can be frustrating for some readers. However, I still enjoyed your story.

Pacing and flow: This piece flowed well and moved at a good pace.

POV and tense: This is told in third person point of view which is good for showing the whole scene. I think if this was told in first person it might have more of a direct impact and really make the reader see how she reacts.

Characters: Eliza is the main character here. She's a little girl stuck in a nightmare. I found that I wanted to see more of her emotions, thoughts, feelings throughout to really help me feel for her as a reader.

Setting: This all takes place in her home. You give a little description and I think that's fine for a short story.

Atmosphere and tone: This piece reminded me quite strongly of a children's tale - I think that would be a good audience for it.

Dialogue: With dialogue, if speech is followed by a speech tag that tells the reader how something is said, the speech often ends with a comma and begins with a lower case letter. For example:

"I can't," she complained.

If its an action tag that shows action it would be a full stop and then an upper case letter.

"I can't." She stomped up the stairs.

I put one example below to show you but it might be worth reading back through this to catch other dialogue errors.

Line by line suggestions: ▼

Hope this helped!

Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .