My Thoughts: I love the rhyme scheme you chose for this. I also like the way you begin the poem with a description of death, go on to describe your feelings about death and end it by combining the two. Also the poem is short, you did a terrific job of making your point.
My Suggestions: In the second verse, last line, you say "before my life's song has yet to be sung". I would change it to either "when my life's song has yet to be sung" or "before my life's song has been sung" (but that would interfere with the syllable count. Saying "before" and "yet to be" is essentially the same thing, so it's like they're negating each other here. I hope this makes sense.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: What a lovely tribute to your friend! Your appreciation and love of your friend is evident in this poem. The rhyme scheme was great, and I like the way you wrote this.
My Suggestions: I think the poem would read more fluidly if commas were inserted in various places. I would suggest inserting a comma after "without you" in the fourth verse, after "together" in the sixth verse and after "heart" in the last verse.
Overall: I enjoyed reading this heartfelt poem, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
My Thoughts: This is a very good story with an interesting plot. You did a great job with character development and, even though the story was short, it was complete and concise. I was glad to see that 10 year old Thorn was able to overcome Evil in the end.
My Suggestions: I would insert a comma after "giggled" in the fourth paragraph. In that same sentence, I would change "trying and" to "trying to". Also, the end of the story was a little unclear to me. Evil was shattered into tiny pieces, and every piece went into a person. Does this mean that the shattered pieces cut into the people in the room, i.e. Alley and Thorn? Or that a person was created from each of the shattered pieces? And how could Evil ever come back if he was shattered?
Overall: I enjoyed the read and look forward to reading more of your work!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a great descriptive piece which allowed me to picture the scene as you described. And the twist at the end was terrific - forcing me to picture the scene in an entirely different way. I love your descriptive writing style.
My Suggestions: I would suggest inserting a comma after "shelf" in the fifth line. In the seventh line, I would insert a comma after "this". In the fourteenth line, you say that the opposite wall appears almost identical to the one opposite it. I would suggest changing the second "opposite", maybe to "across from". Later, I would change "three books lie" to "three books lay" since books are inanimate objects. "shimmer affect" should be "shimmer effect".
Overall: This is a very good piece that would be even better after a quick edit.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a beautiful tribute to your co-worker! The story was terrific and original. I thoroughly enjoyed the read.
My Suggestions: In the first paragraph, I would suggest changing "She grew beside herself..." to "She was beside herself..." In the second paragraph, "have" is spelled incorrectly.
Overall: You should post more in your port. You're a wonderful writer!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a very good short story. Although I normally wouldn't like such short, to-the-point sentences, they worked well with this piece. In fact, they worked to set of a feeling of anxiety, mystery...Great job. I especially liked the ending!
My Suggestions: I would change "can not" in the story to "cannot" or "can't). Also, that phrase, along with "do not" is used quite often. I would consider changing a few of them to contractions.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a great idea for a story, and using only 55 words, you presented believable characters as well as a conflict. I know from experience how difficult it is to create a meaningful story with such a limit, and you did a great job!
My Suggestions: I would omit "at her baby" from the first line. I don't think it's needed, and the 3 words may be put to better use.
Overall: This was a very interesting 55 word story. I enjoyed the read and look forward to seeing more of your work!
My Thoughts: I enjoyed this poem. I especially liked the way that, in the midst of listing all of the things a trashcan can hold, you nonchalantly mentioned that it held your hopes and dreams and later went on to expand upon that.
My Suggestions: I would suggest adding punctuation to the poem to make it read more fluidly. There are several misspellings in the poem: "one" in the third line, "metaphorically" in the eighth line, "though" in the tenth line and "boulevard" in the last line. Also, I believe you meant the last word to be "dreams" rather than "dream".
Overall: This is a good poem that would be much better after a quick edit.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading your poem. With your descriptive words, I could easily imagine the scene as you described it. Although short, the poem adequately describes the actions and feelings that occur when lovers meet.
My Suggestions: In the second line, "Hurrying" is spelled incorrectly. Fourth line, "pinnacle" is spelled incorrectly. Sixth line, "synagogue" is spelled incorrectly. I would omit the comma from the eleventh line as I don't think it's needed. Toward the end, "length" and "accompaniment" are spelled incorrectly.
Overall: This is a good poem that would be even better after a quick edit!
My Thoughts: I'm sure most of us can relate to crying until there are no more tears left. I like your idea here with the questions you present and then your resolve to just stop trying to cry. I've been there before, and you adequately portray those feelings. The poem is rather short, but you made every word count, and you did a good job of making your point.
My Suggestions: It's just a pet peeve of mine, but failure to capitalize the word "I" detracts from the poem for me. I would suggest capitalizing all of the "I"'s in the poem. In the first line, "sheded" is not a word and should be changed to "shed". Also in that line, "to" should be spelled "too". Next line, "cant" shoudl be "can't". The question mark isn't needed in the fifth line since the question continues on the sixth line. Same with the question mark after the seventh line, eighth line and ninth line. "too" is spelled incorrectly in the twelfth line. Finally, in the title, "cant" should be "can't."
Overall: This is a good poem that would be much better after a quick edit.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a sweet, emotion-filled poem that adequately describes the feelings of being in love. Due to your descriptive writing, I could easily picture the scene of the embraced lovers in the rain that you described. Good job!
My Suggestions: In the second line, "soaked" is spelled incorrectly. In the fourth line, "your" should be "you're" since it's a contraction for "you are." "wouldnt" should be spelled "wouldn't". Also, you should only put a period at the end of each sentence - not at the end of each line.
Overall: Great poem that would be even better after a quick edit.
My Thoughts: Terrific poem. You perfectly portrayed the feelings of anger and dismay with the descriptive words that you used. I particularly liked the line "You have spit me away." It just makes it sound so cruel! You definitely made every word count here, and I loved the poem!
My Suggestions: In the second verse, "You have bit me..." should be changed to "You have bitten me..." In the last verse, the line "is my angel of snow" didn't really work for me. It didn't seem to flow well with the rest of that verse. I think it would make more sense to say "in my angel of snow." Regardless, the poem was great!
Overall: Thanks for sharing this. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I loved this poem! You perfectly characterize disillusionment and bitterness. Oh, how I can relate! I love the way you used the rose to make your point.
My Suggestions: Since, whether or not it was inadvertent, you had a rhyme scheme here, I expected "sorrow" and "hollow" to rhyme in the last verse. While it doesn't take away from the poems effectiveness, I just wanted to point it out.
Overall: I really enjoyed this well written poem, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
My Thoughts: I loved this poem! I'm sure that many of us can relate to the feelings conveyed here. I especially like the way that, despite the realization, you didn't place blame but instead decided what you were going to do differently. This poem is an inspiration to all of those people in "relationships" that aren't going anywhere because the significant other refuses to acknowledge the relationship. Great job!
My Suggestions: In the next-to-last verse, I would suggest omitting the comma from the first line to make the poem read more smoothly. I would also suggest changing the word that's in all caps in the last line from "no" to "won't". I think the stress should be on the word "won't" here instead of "no".
Overall: Thank you for sharing this emotion filled poem. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a great, well-written poem that is also quite thought provoking. We are always learning, what what good are those lessons if not put to good use?
My Suggestions: I would suggest adding a semicolon in the second line after "naturally" to make the poem read more fluidly.
Overall: I enjoyed this poem, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: You have a great idea for a story here. You have left it open to the possibility of going in a number of different directions. I think it would be great if either characters in the video games he plays come to life or his obsession with the games interfere with his life to the point of insanity. While I can understand that you would like to get feedback on the story idea as soon as possible, I would suggest keeping the item private until you have ensured that there are no misspellings or grammatical errors in what you present.
My Suggestions: In the fourth line, "approached" is spelled incorrectly. In the sixth line, the comma should be changed to a period. I think the "A" in that line was a typo and should be omitted. I would change "standing not 10 feet down..." to "standing less than ten feet down..." In the second paragraph, "Suddenly" is spelled incorrectly. I would omit "a second" from that line. "weather" should be spelled "whether". "suddenly" is spelled incorrectly again in the third paragraph. "him" is also spelled incorrectly. And if he had already opened his eyes to broad daylight, why would his wife have to shake him awake? Next paragraph, "a attack" should be "an attack". "Thats" should be "That's". "dejectedly" is spelled incorrectly.
Overall: I think you have a great idea here, and the story would be much better after a quick edit. I'd love to read and rate again after you have edited and written more.
My Thoughts: I liked this unusual piece. While it isn't something I would normally enjoy, I can appreciate the idea of the journey to insanity. I especially like the last line, and it made me think of the people who act out in self destructive ways in an attempt to get over something that's bothering them. Great job!
My Suggestions: Third line, "won't" is spelled incorrectly. The line "The only thing you'll ever catch from me is going insane" didn't work for me. Changing "going insane" to "insanity" would be my initial suggestion, but you're trying to rhyme with "brain" from the previous line. Maybe change it to something like "I'm only going to affect your ability to stay sane."?
Overall: Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed it and look forward to seeing more of your work!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a great idea for a poem. I like the way you wrote this, adequately making the reader see and hear the instruments with your words. I also like your title for this poem. It fits perfectly!
My Suggestions: I would suggest changing "slide" to "sliding" in the second verse. In the third verse, I would change "without saying nothing" to "while saying nothing" or "without saying anything" to avoid the double negative. In the last line, I would change "feeling" to "feel" to make the poem read more fluidly.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: Terrific short ghost story! You made every word count and, in the process, created a great piece. I particularly like the way you told the story in present tense as this isn't often done in this type of story.
My Suggestions: I don't think "and the stale smell of sickness" needs to be set off by hyphens in the first paragraph. Also, I don't think the comma is needed after "hand" in the third paragraph.
Overall: This was a great read, and I look forward to seeing more of your work!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: haha Although extremely short, I got a good chuckle out of this piece. As I'm sure your aim was to share a bit of comic relief for the reader, you certainly reached your goal here.
My Suggestions: Since this piece is so short, there's not a lot I can suggest except that you add to this! You have a great idea here, and I'd love to see you expand upon it.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a great idea for a poem, putting a sheep in the position of author. You adequately describe the concerns that go through the mind of the sheep as well as the fear of being slaughtered. I enjoyed your take on the subject.
My Suggestions: First sentence, "there" should be spelled "their". "with in" should be "within". The first sentence is really long. This could be remedied my separating it into 2 separate sentences, changing the comma after "within" to a period. I would suggest omitting the comma after "acknowledge" to make the poem read more fluidly. Third verse, "to strong" should be changed to "too strong." "ever so slowly" should be set off with commas. Next verse, "cozy" is spelled incorrectly.
Overall: This is a good poem that has the potential to be much better after a quick edit. Thanks for sharing!
My Thoughts: I love the dark genre, and I think you did an excellent job of describing the uneasiness felt when things "go bump in the night." I like the style you used in writing this poem, and I think it's perfect for the subject matter.
My Suggestions: Fifth verse, second line, "heard" is spelled incorrectly. Sixth verse, "its" should be "it's" since you're using it as a contraction for "it has" here. I would also suggest changing the last line of the last verse to "Someone you don't know" to make the poem read more fluidly.
Overall: I enjoyed reading this frightful little poem. Thanks for the great read!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I'm sure many of us can relate to constantly checking for texts (or voicemails) and the disappointment in finding there are none. Your frustration at not being given a reason why things ended comes through in this point. I like your writing style, and I found this to be a great poem!
My Suggestions: Second verse, fourth line, "your" should be spelled "you're" since it's a contraction for "you are". Third verse, I would change the third line to "Why'd he read your messages" to improve fluidity. In the fourth line, I'd change "arent" to "aren't" and change the period to a question mark. The last line of the last verse seems a bit off to me. I think changing it to "To free me from this bind."
Overall: I really enjoyed reading your emotion filled poem, and I look forward to seeing more of your work!
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: I love this great humorous list. I'm sure that most new mothers will agree with you, and I especially like your invitation for them to share their signs at the end.
My Suggestions: In number 6, I would suggest putting "No" in quotation marks, and I would suggest inserting a period after number 8.
Overall: Great, comical, interesting piece. I can already tell you're going to be a great addition to the WDC community!
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: This is a nice poem that reminds me of all of the great musical artists struggling to make it into the music industry. Interesting topic and meaningful words.
My Suggestions: I would suggest inserting a space after every comma, as you did not do this in every instance. Also, as far as form, some of the lines aren't flush with the others.
Overall: Great job on this poem. I can already tell you're going to be a great addition to the WDC community!
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