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Review of Nightmare  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (2.0)
I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts and Suggestions: You have a good idea for a story here. However, the story has many mechanical, grammatical and typographical errors. For instance, you start the story with "As time passes by, Christina was still alone in the eerie forest." This gives the feeling that I've missed something, like there should have been something before this. It could be more simply stated as "Christina was alone in an eerie forest." You change from past to present tense throughout the story. I would suggest staying with past tense and editing the story to reflect that. In the third sentence, you state, "All around her was full of trees." This sentence would be more clear and concise if changed to "Trees were all around her."

Overall: I'm sure that you would have a very good story here after a thorough edit. It was difficult for me to feel the intended horror because of errors similar to the ones I noted. I look forward to reading again after you have edited!

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252
252
Review of A Haven  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this short horror story. Your first person narrative worked well with this story. You adequately described the scene and characters. I especially like the way you started the story with a description of the horrific scene, went back to give a little background and ended with the "thing" coming after the narrator. I like an ending that leaves the reader hanging, and you did a good job with this one.

My Suggestions: I would omit the word "forever" in the second sentence, because the rest of that sentence makes the word redundant. In the sentence "It is our haven from the realities of the real world." I would omit "the realities of" because "the real world" indicates that's it's reality. Later, you say "shadow in deep in the woods." I would omit the first "in". Later, you say, "A loud crash, like bark being ripped of a tree rang out" I can't imagine bark being ripped from a tree either sounding like a crash or ringing out. I would suggest rethinking that sentence. In the last sentence, "it's" should be "its" since you're not using it as a contraction for "it is".

Overall: This is a good horror story that would be even better after a quick edit. Thanks for sharing.

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253
253
Review of Carousel  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I know how difficult it can be to write a coherent story using a picture prompt and a limited word count, and you did a terrific job. You set the scene with your vivid descriptions and left the reader hanging with the horrid thought of the attacking horses. I know that, after reading this, I will never stay in an amusement park after it closes. Good job.

My Suggestions: In the first sentence, "this" should be changed to "that" since the rest of the story is told in past tense. In the third paragraph, there should be a comma after "carousel". In the third sentence of that paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "place". In the following sentence, a comma should be inserted after "closer".

Overall: This is a very good story that would be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more!

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254
254
Review of Fallen  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This poem perfectly characterized the feelings of "love at first sight". Although it was rather short, you made a big emotional impact with your word choice. I'm sure that anyone who has met another person and felt an instant connection and quickly fell in love can easily relate to this poem. Good job!

My Suggestions: You started the first line with "Strolling" and the second line with "Saw". I suggest changing "Strolling" to "Strolled" for agreement of the verbs. "Surprise" is spelled incorrectly in the third line. "Heels"is spelled incorrectly in the fifth and eleventh lines. I would change "Weave" to "Weaved" and "Meeting" to "Met" in the eighth and ninth lines because the rest of the poem is in past tense. "Forever" is spelled incorrectly in the last line.

Overall: This is a good poem that would be much better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more of your work!

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255
255
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This was a very sad story. So often, we think of all the things that could have happened differently to prevent the death of a love one, and you perfectly portrayed that here. The story was short and concise, and you managed to put a lot of information into a rather short piece. The story immediately grabbed my attention and had me wondering what exactly had happened. First person narrative was the perfect choice here, and the ending was also perfect. Great job!

My Suggestions: First of all, I don't think the description does the story justice. I would consider changing "A story wrote in year 9" to something more appealing to the reader. The story was MUCH better than I expected after reading the description. In the second paragraph, third sentence, "i've" should be "I've". In the third paragraph, you say "she herself". I think the story would read more fluidly if you would omit "herself".

Overall: Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking story. I look forward to reading more of your work!

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256
256
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is an interesting poem, and I like where you went with it. I would have never guessed that the tattered old man was the narrator's father. You used good descriptions in the poem, and the rhyme scheme was great. Although it was rather short, you conveyed what you needed to say, and I think it was complete. The poem provides a few answers but leaves several questions. I like a piece that does that, and I think you did a good job!

My Suggestions: First of all, I would suggest that you change the poem from all uppercase letters to capitalizing only the more important words. As it is, it makes it seem like you're 'yelling', and it's a little intimidating to the reader. In the second line, you say "ON HIS FACE THERE WAS A CREASE AND UPON HIS NOSE". Upon his nose, there was what? I know you're trying to rhyme it with "clothes" from the previous line, but as it stands, it isn't a fluid read. Maybe you could change it to "There was a crease on his face and another upon his nose" or something similar. In the next line, you refer to "thinning hands". What exactly are thinning hands? I think it would sound better just to say "thin hands".

Overall: This was a good poem that would be much better after a thorough edit. I look forward to reading more!

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257
Review of At Red Hill  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I really enjoyed this short story. You made a perfect choice by deciding to tell it in first person narrative. You began by creating a great setting and giving adequate background and character description. You then made it more personal for the narrator by telling his potential involvement in the war. The ending was great and unexpected. I love stories with a twist at the end, and you did a good job with this one!

My Suggestions: A comma should be inserted after "path" in the first sentence. In the second sentence, "whatsoever" should be just one word. The third sentence should read "There were no colours..." In the first sentence of the second paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "distance". A few sentences later, a comma should be inserted after "cause". In the first sentence of the third paragraph, the comma after "thing" is not needed. A few sentences later, "with fear for his life" should be set off with commas. In the next sentence, there should be a comma after "then". Also, "has" should be "had" since the rest of the story is told in past tense. "the revolt of The bloody son" should be "The Revolt of the Bloody Son" since you're talking about a proper name. In the last paragraph, you started a sentence with "20 armed rebels". It should be changed to "Twenty armed rebels".

Overall: This is a good story that would be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more of your work!

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258
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is a good idea for a 55 word story. The subject matter was interesting, and you managed to tell a rather complete story with the limited word count. I know how difficult it can be to tell a complete and coherent story using so few words, and I think you did a good job here. I particularly liked the title and the route you chose to go with the story. This would be a good story to expand upon in the future!

My Suggestions: When you write a 55 word story, you have to make every word count. By doing so, you have to omit words that add nothing to the story. For example, in the second sentence, you say, "She braced herself for the impact, but there was none." This could be stated as "She braced herself, but there was no impact." You have saved two words but have gotten the same point across. In the following sentence, you say "Upon opening her eyes, she found that she had not landed, for there was no ground beneath her." This could be just as easily stated as "She opened her eyes to find there was no ground beneath her.", and you would save several words in the process. Also, to make the story more personal, I would change "she" in the beginning to the character's name.

Overall: This is a good story that would be much better and more complete if unnecessary words were omitted and replaced with stronger content. I look forward to reading more!

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259
259
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this interesting poem. I'm sure that a lout of us can relate to the weird thoughts that go through your head after being sedated for surgery. You descriptive writing made it easy to picture the story as it was taking place. I know it made me even more hesitant to undergo a surgical procedure than I was before. Good job!

My Suggestions: First, I suggest putting this in poetry/verse form. As it is, it appears to be more of a short story, which makes it a bit more difficult to read. In the second sentence, "were" should be "where". In the first sentence of the second paragraph, "whole" should be "hole". In the fourth sentence of that paragraph, "lets" should be "let's" and in the last sentence, I would put "no" in quotation marks. In the third paragraph, "bared" should be "barred". In the fourth paragraph, I would capitalize "fear". In the second sentence, "surgeons" should be "surgeon's". "bodies" should be "body's". Also, throughout the poem you switched from past tense to present tense. I would suggest editing to make it all past tense.

Overall: This was a good poem that would be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more!

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260
Review of Behind the Mirror  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: You packed a lot of emotion into this short poem. As I read, I would easily 'feel' your despair. I like the way you referred to the mirror as a "cold hard barrier", making it seems as though, if you could just get past that mirror, everything would be okay. Good job.

My Suggestions: In the fifth line, "tear soak" should be "tear soaked". In the seventh line, "engraved" is spelled incorrectly. In the tenth line, I would change "my-self" to "myself". Also, I question the line "But then my memory came flooding back". There are no more references to this. I would suggest you expand upon why your memory caused such self hatred.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this great poem. I enjoyed the read and will definitely check out more of your work!

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261
Review of An Experiment  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is a terrific short story. It is a very original idea, and your descriptive writing style immediately captured my interest and held it throughout. You created the perfect setting and gave a great character description. All along, I thought Shirley was performing a noble deed, so your twist at the end came as a total surprise! I loved it!

My Suggestions: In the second paragraph, "find it impossible disregard her." should be "find it impossible to disregard her." In the seventh paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "muffin making". Despite my best efforts, I found no other mechanical, grammatical or typographical errors. Good job!

Overall: Thank you for sharing this great story. I will most definitely check out more of your work!

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262
Review of Jumpy  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is an excellent use of the prompt. You created an interesting and original short story using very few words. That, in and of itself, is an accomplishment. The story held my interest, and I was anxious to see what would happen to the poor, strange toad. You ended the story perfectly, leaving the reader to wonder what eventually happened in this harrowing situation. Great job!

My Suggestions: There are several instances in the story where a comma is needed. These instances are as follows: in the fourth sentence after "butt", after "butt" in this sentence - "If you touch his butt he’ll jump.", after "day" a few sentences later. In this next-to-last paragraph, you should close the quotations after "Stop!".

Overall: Thank you for sharing this interesting short story. I look forward to reading more of your work!

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263
Review of Meow  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: You have quite an original idea here, not only making the cat talk but also making it seemingly come as no surprise to the narrator. It was a good idea on your part to tell the story in first person as it made it easier for the reader to relate. I especially like the way you ended the story, making it seem that the narrator was only surprised by the cat's choice of words - not the fact that it could talk. I found the story interesting and unique, and I enjoyed the read.

My Suggestions: First of all, I would suggest changing the rating of this story from E to ASR. There are a few references that make this story higher than an E rating. In the first paragraph, there should be a question mark after "who is it". In that same sentence, "their was no one" should be "there was no one". In the second paragraph, there should be a comma after "water". In the first sentence of the third paragraph, "your all out" should be "you're all out". In the last sentence of that paragraph, "I" should be capitalized and the comma after "morning" should be a period, starting a new sentence with "Do you want...". In the next paragraph, the period after "tuna" should be changed to a comma. In the next-to-last paragraph, a period should be inserted after "bed" and "I must be..." should be a new sentence.

Overall: This was a good story that would be even better after a thorough edit. I look forward to reading more of your work!

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264
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I really liked this short story. The plot was very interesting and original, and you gave adequate character descriptions to draw the reader into the story. It was easy to imagine the parent and child having that conversation of the bus. I love the way the story ended, leaving the reader to wonder if Rishi had psychic abilities or if he was merely imagining things. Great job!

My Suggestions: In the fourth paragraph, I would set "all of a sudden" off with commas. In the fifth paragraph, I would change "He may only have been nine" to "He may have been only nine". I would also change the comma after "said" to a period and start a new sentence with "Then, the bus left..." Toward the end of the story, "Her mother was in hospital." should be "Her mother was in the hospital." In the following sentence, a comma should be inserted between "eyes" and "and". In the last paragraph, "All he could see now were a crowd of people" should be "All he could see now was a crowd of people".

Overall: Thank you for sharing this terrific story. I look forward to reading more!

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265
265
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I really enjoyed this poem. Sometimes, I am quite a pessimist, and this piece serves as a reminder to not sweat the small stuff. Your rhyme scheme works well, and you chose the perfect situations to depict. I especially like the way you repeated the last line of each verse throughout. Great job!

My Suggestions: In the first line, I would change "raining" to "rainy", because I don't think "the day is raining" sounds proper. I read the poem aloud, and I think adding the word "find" between "but" and "there" in the third line of the second verse to make the poem read more fluidly.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this lovely poem! I thoroughly enjoyed it, and I look forward to reading more of your work.

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266
266
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: You have a great idea for a story here. The setting is great, and the characters are interesting and believable. You captured my interest with the first sentence and held it throughout. I must say I was a bit disappointed with the ending, though. While I appreciate a twist or a bit of ambiguity at the end, I find this one a bit too ambiguous. I was left with too many questions. Maybe you could throw just a little hint in there for the reader...

My Suggestions: In the first sentence of the third paragraph, I would insert a comma after "Well" and another comma after "her". I would also insert a semicolon after "somebody" and insert a comma after "otherwise". In the twelfth paragraph, I would insert a comma after "desire". I would separate "Neither of you have to say anything you just know." into two separate sentences by inserting a period after "anything" and starting a new sentence with "You..."

Overall: This was a well written and interesting story. I look forward to reading more.

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267
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I really enjoyed reading this short piece. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a complete and coherent story using a limited number of words, and you pulled it off effortlessly. The story was original, and I loved the story behind the mysterious box. You have a magnificent storytelling ability, adding just the amount of humor and sarcasm. Great job!

My Suggestions: In the third paragraph, I would insert a comma after "Then". The first word of the fifth paragraph should be "And" instead of "An". I would set "in my condition" off with commas in the seventh paragraph. In the ninth paragraph, I would insert a comma between "yard" and "too".

Overall: Great story! I look forward to reading more of your work.

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Review of Wondering  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: You adequately conveyed the feelings of being confused about your life. I'm sure many people will be able to relate to this poem. I don't think there are many people who wouldn't want to live the "Sweet Life". Good job in choosing an interesting topic and describing it in great detail!

My Suggestions: In the first line, "I don't know where am I." should be "I don't know where I am." In the third line, I would change "other" to "next" to make the poem read more fluidly. In the eighth line, "away" should be "a way". In the following line, "dose" should be "does". In the following line, "away" should be "away". In the last line, I would insert "is" between "that" and "how". Also, the poem should end with a question mark, because you're not asking a question in the end.

Overall: This is a good poem that would be much better after a quick edit.

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269
Review of The Web  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I really liked this piece, and I think it would make a great longer story. The character is very interesting, and the plot is original. I like the way you told the story in first person narrative. The action-filled scene has left me wondering just who is this character, and what's going to happen to him. Now, you're going to have to write more to answer those question. *Wink*

My Suggestions: In the first sentence, I would omit the comma after "door" and change "to the Winking" to "of the Winking" in that sentence. In the last sentence of that paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "right". In the third paragraph, I would change the numbers to words. "Three shots and three men". In the fifth paragraph, the period after "who did they work for should be changed to a question mark. In the first sentence of the fifth paragraph, "come" should be changed to "came" since the rest of the story is told in past tense.

Overall: I really enjoyed reading this, and I look forward to reading a continuation of this fascinating story! Good job!

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270
270
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I really enjoyed this piece! You made a great list of life's simple pleasures that are too often overlooked. I like the simplicity of the piece. Although I'd have to respectfully disagree with you on green olives (I hate them!), I loved the lists you made.

My Suggestions: I noticed a few spelling errors in the piece. In the third line, "recipe" is spelled incorrectly. In the fourth line, "mozzarella" is spelled incorrectly.

Overall: Thank you for enjoying this list of the simple pleasures in life. I look forward to reading more!

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Review of The Virus  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this short story, and I think it would make a great book. You have created a great plot and a believable, likable character. You provided a great deal of detail that helped me to adequately imagine the scene as you described. Good job!

My Suggestions: In the second sentence, I would suggest changing "I love all so much" to either "I loved it all so much" or "I loved all of it so much". In that same sentence, I would change "I'm gonna have to" to "I would have to" since the rest of the story is told in past tense. In the second paragraph, I would change "everyone's asleep" to "everyone was asleep" for that same reason. In the last sentence of that paragraph, I would change "and a pen" to "and got a pen". In the letter, "that you all once known" should be "that you all once knew". In the last paragraph, "piece" is spelled incorrectly.

Overall: This is a good piece that would be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more!

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272
272
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This poem is a lovely tribute to your significant other. You packed a lot of emotion into a relatively short piece. Your love of this person is obvious, and I'm sure that most readers can relate to having those feelings for someone. You did a great job conveying those feelings!

My Suggestions: In the first verse, "butterflies" is spelled incorrectly. In the second verse, "more then you" should be "more than you". In the third verse, "When I first saw you I known..." should be "When I first saw you, I knew..." Also, since the first two verses began "When I first saw you...", I would suggest rearranging the third verse to read that way as well.

Overall: This is a good poem that would be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more!

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Review of The Hunter  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: You have an interesting idea for a longer story here. I like the setting you chose for the story, and I could easily imagine the robber being chased by the hunter as you described. You have created two interesting characters, both "bad guys", and it would be interesting to see which one would prevail in that instance.

My Suggestions: I would omit "slowly walking" from the first sentence, because your description that he "creeps" allows the reader to infer that he was walking slowly. In the third sentence, "guardians" is spelled incorrectly. In the next sentence, "robbers" should be "robber's". Next sentence, I would omit the comma and change "echoing" to "echoes". I am unsure of what you are trying to say a few sentences later with "instants changing". I think that, in the context of the rest of the sentence, "and the robber was unable to tell" would work better here. In the next sentence, "cowboys" should be "cowboy's". Toward the end of the story, you say "A growl sounded from one of them" after just mentioning eyes. Are you saying that a growl sounded from his eyes? In the last few sentences, "sheriffs" should be "sheriff's" and "California" should be capitalized. Also, at the end of the story, you switch from present tense to past tense. I would suggest changing it to present tense to keep it fluid with the rest of the story. Finally, I would suggest separating the story into different paragraphs to make it an easier read.

Overall: This was a good piece that would be much better after a thorough edit.

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274
274
Review of I'll cry  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this emotional poem. I'm sure that many of us can relate to the feeling that we'll never be able to stop crying until saved by the one we love. I think your repetition of the title worked well in this piece, stressing the importance of getting what you wanted. Good job.

My Suggestions: First of all, I found that the seventh line was a bit off, because you changed "I'll cry" to "I will cry" in that line, and that made the flow of the poem a little off for me. In the eleventh line, "until" is spelled incorrectly. You used the word "weak" at the end of the eleventh line and at the beginning of the twelfth line. I would suggest omitting it in the twelfth line. In the thirteenth line, "because" and "now" are spelled incorrectly. In the fifteenth line, "until" is spelled incorrectly.

Overall: This is a good poem that would be even better after a quick edit.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
275
275
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (2.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts and Suggestions: I found it difficult to fully understand and appreciate this piece because of the grammatical, mechanical and typographical errors. First of all, you should insert a space after every comma in this piece. Next, I will go into detail of the errors I saw in the first paragraph to give you an idea of what I mean. In the first sentence, "computer" should be "computers" and "has" should be "have". Also, in this sentence, you refer to "its benefits". It is unclear to me what "its" refers to. I would omit "to say" in the second sentence. Since you're referring to nature AND fullness in this sentence, "is" should be "are". Also in that sentence, "and" is spelled incorrectly. In the third sentence, "computer" should be "computers". Also in this sentence "adventurous" is spelled in correctly. Finally, I think "easy living" would fit better than "easy going" in this sentence.

Overall: This is a great topic, and your essay would be much more informative and easy to read after a thorough edit.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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