Howdy!
I'm glad I found your story. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Remember, this is just one opinion, so take what you like and leave the rest. Everything is said with love and in hopes that it helps!
Overall Impression:
Plot:
Style and Voice:
Scene/Setting:
Characters:
Dialogue:
Grammar and Mechanics:
"...mystery novels, ( movies too), we speak of..." Erase the space between the open parenthesis and "movies." " Wages , assets, and even memories may be frozen." Erase the space after "wages." "What ifs become ' when Hell freezes over'." I believe that should be "if's." Also, erase the space before when. "...icy temperatures; " I'm freezing my butt off", or..." Erase the space before "I'm." "Fate, in cahoots with gravity, ( and an icy parking lot), lured me into a slushy puddle." Erase the space before "and." "...until it's simply ' learning to drive in Canada, eh'?" Erase the space before "learning." "...coffee shops, ( like Timmy's), where we can defrost..." Erase the space before "like." "...in our pockets--- the Loonie and the Twoonie." When using hyphens as a dash in places that don't automatically make them (like on WdC), use two hyphens and no space before or after them (or between them, just to be clear lol). So, "...in our pockets--the Loonie..."
Suggestions:
"...'an icy stare', 'ice in their veins', 'blood runs cold'..." I'm not 100% sure what to do when using apostrophes here, nor am I sure what the rules are in Canada. In America, when using quotation marks (so, already two differences), you always put the comma inside the quotation marks. (I don't know about in Europe, but I know in America, the period also always goes inside, but in Europe, it varies with the sentence, like question marks and exclamation points.) ANYWAY, the main point is to say, those comma placements might not be right...or they might be--not sure. lol "...people who treat others with a 'cold shoulder'." The same goes for this sentence and others. "It's a frozen- with- fear -and- shock instance that renders a driver temporarily immobile." I'm not 100% sure what you're trying to do here, but I'd suggest, "It's a frozen-with-fear-and-shock instance..." or really I think, "It's a 'frozen with fear and shock' instance..."
Favorite Part:
"In our frigid climate, we are forced to identify people by the whites of their eyes." HAHAHA "Fate, in cahoots with gravity, ( and an icy parking lot), lured me into a slushy puddle." I really like your description here! "My butt and I were not lessened by this experience, instead this mishap has been frozen in my memory." Great connector to your topic! "Wages may be frozen, but fuel costs are not." Wonderful line! lol "...winning a lottery, becoming another American state, The Toronto Maple Leafs earning the Stanley Cup..." Do some Canadians really want to be part of America? Why? I would have thought they'd just laugh at us or be mad at us for all the problems we have/cause. Don't get me wrong, I love America and wouldn't want to be a citizen of any other country, but still, I'm surprised Canada feels that way. "Through it all, we shrug and say, "cold, eh?"" Great ending!
Thank you again for sharing your story! Keep writing!
|