Porthole

Eyeballing

For "Space Blog" 

"Glances"   [E] by Mikibits

Mini-review: I really like it. It's a snapshot of mundane life that those of us who've hung out in coffee shops can relate to. Not everyone is in a hurry! People watching is still a pasttime.

The poem flows well. I think the first 'watching' should be 'watches'; the one near the end is fine. 'extra warmly' should be 'warmly' as 'extra' is ackward and unnecessary. 'regularly' may be better as 'comes in each day' but that's a quibble. I like how it loops back.

It may need a further light edit. I rate it 4.8.

Prompt: A poem about a coffee shop whose customers and staff were all eyeballing somebody who was eyeballing somebody else. Why do humans act like this in your opinion?

Some of us enjoy watching humans. They are unpredictable and sometimes amusing aliens. Example: Georges Seurat's "About A Sunday on La Grande Jatte — 1884" is about as boring as it gets (a million dots?). Believe me. I was there, just out of the frame. But... if you knew why humans went there, what they were thinking and scheming... it would make you blush. Hint: they weren't thinking about mathmatics.

I responded to Robert Waltz [edited]

In my Space Cadet series I have a character who can read the thoughts of others but a few are just very perceptive. They 'know' from acute observation whether innate or learned. [From a human perspective] it may seem akin to 'talent'. But in a multi-sentient voyage through the Void it's indispensible [as they investigate the known, less known, unknown].

I have multiple characters. I switch point-of-view between stories/episodes. They will not be put together in chronological order so 'stardate' and 'stardate unknown' need to be clear as well as who is speaking.

In writing 'you' can be accusatory. Very tricky to use in poetry as it can make the reader feel attacked or extremely uncomfortable. Which... if that was the intention... I/you is useful in diaries, sermons, letters.

One of the problems with academic writing is that it can be so distant-third-person as to lack any emotion that connects the reader to the subject. Say what you will, but pop-science, and people like Bill Nye, helps. I can imagine a [creatively written] chemistry chapter covering the atom called "Attraction", same with physics or geology. I've written poetry based on geology.

IRL, first-hand stories (no matter how reliable the narrator) are much more engrossing. "I was there!" gets my attention.

Each point-of-view has it's strengths.

Wrote a flash fiction :

STATIC

No time at all [299] (257 words)  (13+) < 300 word flash fiction prompts: "I don't have time for this" and garlic, cackle, stake. #2240046 by Kåre Enga in Montana

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