personal journey

Massive rewrite of the prologue of Celestial Downfall

Hey guys,

I'm back sooner then I thought but I was on a roll and wanted to let you know that I just rewrote the full prologue after getting some amazing feedback from you guys.

Celestial Retribution  (13+) " 'Revenge is never the answer', But what if you don't have any other choice #2294326 by cenvil

What changed:

- Sub Chapters are added.
One of the criticisms I got were on the POV hopping. Some people found it the be confusing and got lost.
I can understand completely that that would be the case. Even though my initial idea was to confuse the reader, I didn't want to make the stop reading of course.
So I cut down the POV changes to 3 moments in the form of sub chapters.

- Location
When reading the prologue I never really felt completely ok with the location.
It felt to random and not real enough.
After receiving some good feedback regarding the description of the surroundings, I went to work and added more details on where the party is and how it looks.

- Actions
I added more detail in the way of what characters are doing as well. Like walking next to someone or looking up. Small details like that.
When reading the story myself I found I sometimes knew myself what was happening but noticed it was written down. So you readers would could have a difference depiction of what is happening then I intended.

- The story
I changed some things that happened before and put them in different light.
As an example, The first version made everybody stand with a hint of putting up a fire. The new version made sure the location was set up through the story with someone getting wood and placing stones to sit on. Making the environment feel more set before things happen.
this also gives more of a sense of location where everybody is at certain story beats as you now know who could reach 1 of the characters faster.

I also changed some dialog parts to be more realistic. Or at least it feels like that to me.
In the previous version 2 character suddenly got very emotional about a secret getting revealed. This felt off to me as there was nothing really happened to warrant this kind of reaction. So I softened the reaction to the situation while I changed the dialog to make it more relatable or believable.

That's it.
I tried to stay as close to the original story as possible but the added details and less POV hopping hopefully helps with the reading experience.

Ow and one more thing.
The POV hopping was something I had been thinking about ever since I was writing the first words.
This new version lets 2 POV's overlap a little.
As you start with 1 character you then hop back in time a small bit when jumping to the next POV in sub chapter 2.

I really hope you can let me know what you think about it now after the update.
Really curious to your thoughts and how it improved or if you read it for the first time what could be better.

Cheers guys and happy reading