Porthole

Twentieth Week of the Year 180.

(exercise) = Exor. (observations) = obsv. (s***,shave,shower) = ss&s. (read something) = read. (comment blogs) = bogs. (BoyLove series on-line) = ytBL. (Thai TV BL series on GMMTV25) = tv25. (write poetry or prose) = PorP. (take a daily walk) = walk. (buy something) = shop. (take a photo) = foto. (video) = วิดีโอ. (speak Thai/Lao) = pôod. (learn Thai) Thai. (go-in-the-water) = pool. (clothes) = wash. (cook something) = cook. (tidy up) = mess. (travel) = trip. (noon) = เที่ยง. (talking to ex-pats/travelers/strangers in European) = chat. (Thai teaching book) = book. (hand-written journal) = jour. (contests) = test.

6 สิงหาคม 2566

news.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/the-biggest-threat-to-america-isn-t-trump-or-m...
exor. 300/200/200/400 = 1.000 79 drizzly degrees.
เที่ยง. 79°F 26°C drizzle
PorP "There 🇺🇸 [84] A6 40w 'failure'" 
bogs. Neva/Lyn/Joy
blog. "August rains down upon us" 
ss&s.
face. photo of lantern (bought in Luang Prabang) that Pan set up last night.
walk. We went to see Barbie.
foto. Barbie.
tv25. We got back late.

Pan has hiccups but doesn't want to go to 7/11... another day he'll spend in bed. Another day wasted for me. I did my exercise in the drizzle. I fetched filtered water. I will attack each task without joy, but in the knowledge that in the end it matters... to me... if no one else. Depression creeps in when I realize 'I matter to no one else". No one calls. No one sends messages. No one comments. I could scream and no one would notice. But that's hyperbole. Someone here would chew me out for screaming.

And, yes, people do care... a little... and even send me a message! or comment on spoosebase! or speak if I speak first! or... well, that's about the extent of it.

To huser:nordicnoir (Ned) "Wonderful poem. I see it in my mind.

I don't have these memories of my childhood. I couldn't see without my glasses and wasn't allowed to play with them. Someone throwing a ball at me was terrifying."

To QotD: "My phone is a hotspot in Thailand. In Montana? Go to a cafe... if one is open.

Activities off line: walk, swim (not alone), try talking to people! (not always successful). In Montana I could read or watch movies. In Thailand I can watch TV.

Years ago... just visit friends and play cards or chat. Years ago... garden. I don't have a garden and I don't have friends anymore."

Fantasy Writing

For:

STATIC

Playing hide-and-seek  (13+) Zmitri and I stir the seas up then chase each other through the stars of Pleiades. #2300770 by Kåre Enga in Montana

5 สิงหาคม 2566

exor. 300/200/200/300 = 1.000 10:01-10:35 75-79 degrees. Rain.
news.
wash. Done. Hung.
เที่ยง. 79°F 26°C
blog. "Warped Health Shoon ... A Single-service Society."  "Intersections, home or no home? " 
bogs. Lilli/Beholden/Petra
ss&s.
PorP. " Grenada 🇳🇮 [83] A5 40w 'beauty'" 

To Neil: "Yep. Yesterday had one horrendous moment. Today is much better.

I am aware about the lack of quality in Thailand but for many things... like shirts... it's not an issue. However... shoes are a different matter. Overall, stuff is so cheap (when compared to US) that I don't worry much about that (I'm a worry-wort).

I am irked about this being a throw-away society though. That's hard for me.

I feel safe in Udon. Being gay or being in a relationship isn't an issue, especially in Udon. Being a foreigner isn't a problem as well. The people aren't born thieves (like in Costa Rica) or violently confrontational (like in the USA).

However, I walk... Thai's don't and crossing a street needs three Hail-Mary's. Plus, I feel desperately isolated.

I'm still breathing, although frequently short-of-breath.

Thanks for responding."

shop. veggies, pork, eggs.
tv25. Enigma คน มนตร์ เวท. Spooky ending.
walk. two short forays... but no long walk like yestereve. Pan is jealous if I go out at night.
pool. Ask Pan.
pôod. a little.

4 สิงหาคม 2566

bogs. Robert/Neil/Joshua
blog. in progress
news.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/why-so-many-americans-have-stopped-going-to-ch...
face. foto of dates. อินทผลัม
เที่ยง. 79 degrees. some sprinkles.
exor. 250/100/100/250 = 700 79 degrees and sprinkling.
cook. Dates, onions, bologna over rice that Pan cooked. Decent.

Pan is sleeping in... I get worried but what can I do? If he is eating (I remind him) and taking his meds he should be okay, but I check on him to make sure he's still warm and breathing.

ss&s.
shop. 7/11. coke.
PorP. "Loggia dei Lanzi (Firenze) 🇮🇹 [82] A4 40w 'pain'" 
walk.
foto.
chat. Short chat with Pear at Koala. She also owns Surada next to where I live. Coffee?
ytBL. finished Home School ep. 16. (w.o. Eng sub) Almost at the end. Extremely disturbing.
79 dregrees at 00:11. Never got hot. Sprinkling.

I made a big mistake today. I always make mistakes when I get frustrated. And then I may have made another. But... I decided to take a walk, a long lonely walk at night. That helped a bit.

3 สิงหาคม 2566

news. same-o same-o.
face. bi-color waterlily.
เที่ยง. 82 degrees
exor. 200/100/150/250 = 700. 82°F Damp, puddlelicious. 12:17-12:39
foto.
วิดีโอ. swing.
chat. David x 2 (re meds), Rick.
bogs. Sonali/Phyllis/Tiggy and GreenWillow.
blog. "Holding on, letting go, or never giving up. " 
walk. rose.
shop. octopus, chicken, 2 potatoes.
tv25. Home School.
pôod. With Nan at new soup place.

Pan 'woke up'. Unfortunately I feel like a wet noodle. He's chipper. I'm depressed. At least we both ate a little. He went... somewhere... called... seems happy. He cooked in the evening: chicken with malago, potato and egg.

2 สิงหาคม 2566

exor. 200/100/200/300 = 800. Fairly cool, damp, 79°F. Saw Tom.
bogs. NormaJean/Annette/Lyn
blog. "Green weepy day" 
เที่ยง. 81°F
PorP. "The path of sweets. 🇵🇹 [80] A2 'sweet' 40w" 
face. Incredibly quiet considering... posted pic.
news. A five letter word used to bid in bridge was just indicted.
walk.
foto. my neighborhood.
test. "Green ink"  To Shadows&Light. "After oolong tea"  To Intuey.

shop. food. The important part was getting Pan out of bed and out to the market. Still not well.
tv25. Home School. kinda.
Thai. Close sounds... very good! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxqXAev_ZZA
Midnight. 80°F

Fantastic

To Angela W on fb re 'putting on clothes when leaving a locker room': "There may be a specific dress code. Some people think a thong and nipple covers = clothes. The tourists in Vang Vieng in Laos were scandalous. Totally disrespectful. Wanna go nude? There are beaches in your own country for that."

Alfred Booth wrote on fb: "4:11 am Awakened by her light streaming through the window. She finally broke through the evening’s thick clouds" Something can be done with this image... just saying...

1 สิงหาคม 2566

ss&s.
วิดีโอ. birdwing in flight.
obsv. lots of walkers after sunset. season of falling spent leaves.
foto. Nong Bua.
walk. wat, Nong Bua, market. Felt weak coming back.
shop. big blue jug for water. 199 baht; hold about 12 liters.
exor. 300/200/200/300. Warm with sprinkles but after sunset. Doable.
tv25. The Jungle.
PorP. "Buda and Pest 🇭🇺 [79] A1 40w 'create'"  Will use my travel blog.
pool.
ytBL.
Thai.

Pan woke up okay but his first words irked me and then he got an attitude and was possibly depressed. I didn't have time for that today and he left and didn't come home.

Finished last contest before midnight WdC time. Barely.

31 กรกฎาคม 2566

Odd dream in the sense it took me back in time to another place to a 'younger' me. Not a nightmare although foreboding and seductive. Cannot afford to get lost in dreams today. So much to do! Damp morning after overnight sprinkles.

bogs. Petra/Dave/Neva/Grace/Gale. I should comment less when I'm not 100% 'here'.
news.
เที่ยง. 86F 30C
exor. 200/100/200/300 = 800. 86 degrees 12:06
ss&s.
PorP. Finished with 40w. "Last day [74f.zm] 40w J19 'enthusiasm'" 

To Duchess Laughing Lemurs: "I need to finish writing for July contests... I've decided I need to put on music until the thunderstorms roll in. I prefer the patter of rain... or silence; but, I can't totally control either (I share this place).

To iguanamountain (Gale): "Belice? I'm writing from Thailand. Hot and humid in July... what else is new! Hoping for rain.

I think that like any new tool AI will have powerful uses and misuses. But, there's always the option of opting out. I started writing again in my hand-written journal and I pay with cash. I do use the internet but google has become so monetized as to be almost worthless.

Hawthorne Mythos... I have written more Zmitri poems and I need to get back to my two vampire series.

I find working on-line is different from paper. I can edit better on-line... if the chromebook and connection is working properly.

I'm thinking of Debussy. Yeah, background music. Hopefully it calms me down without lulling me into a dreamy neverland called sleep."

test. Fantasy: "Playing hide-and-seek"  WDC: "Not your problem"  Senior: "To fly [year162.ff] (296w)"  Fogg: "Nightwings" 
shop. ramen. water jug. money.

Met Pan on the way. I gave him my umbrella. It's now a downpour. Did he think of that? I doubt it! He believes in door-to-door service so I'll be surprised if he walks. His problem. I need to focus! 19:10... no Pan. It stopped but will it start again?

In looking over contests I have to remember which I must enter and which I can let slide.

tv25. The Jungle ... only part. Pan was ill.

Be Romantic

7704