Varying Shades of Gray - My Life

06-05-03

Yeah, it's been about a week since my last entry. Not alot going on. Not looking forward to DA going to Florida, next week. I mean I am glad that he gets to go. Just not looking forward to the time without him. I also found out that AW may be going with him, too. His dad is still contemplating that, I guess. I think that would be great for DA and AW. Even though, that would also kill my backup plan of AW and I spending some time together. Oh well.

Sometimes I can be such an a**. Talking to BOH last night, I didn't say alot. :( And then to top it off, I chose to go eat. I could have done that later. I didn't even enjoy the meal all that much. The guilt of "leaving" him when he was in a state of where, maybe, just maybe, I could have done him some good. And I feel like I failed him, again.

Talked to JC last night. He's still leading the workshops and is pulling double duty at work, itself, since the general manager fired three other people, for their incompetence. Stupid-a** people. He was supposed to be here next week, but not sure when he'll be able to make it, now.

I did enjoy Monday night, though. Spent the night at JMC's, along with DA, Aw and JW. We stayed up almost all night, playing PS2 games and downloading some songs. I was proud not to be the first one to fall alseep. That honor went to JW. Poor guy, he's working his tail off, too. I had a very "intimate and loving" dream. The first such dream, I've actually had in quite awhile. It seemed so real, that when I awoke, I was disappointed that it had been a dream. I talked to JMC about it. I was kinda surprised when it didn't surprise him, as to who the other person was. He was very sweet, in fact and just smiled. It was a somewhat mischevious smile, too. Almost as if he knew. I hadn't seen Them since then, until last night, when JMC came over for awhile. Found out that DA and AW had been painting AW's garage and his bedroom.

I'm getting really close to the point of "having" to find another job. When i started, I was under the impression that this place cared for their residents, employees and their families. I am really beginning to see that as a big crock of s**t that it is. They just want the money of their residents, and employees who are supposed to be "machines" with no feelings or regard for anything else except their "job". I am currently looking for something else. Besides, the 12-13 hour days really F-ing suck.

Oh well, guess I'll quit whining for now. :) Have a great day, all.