Catching Idle Butterflies

I�m a dunderhead.

Seriously. I’m a dunderhead, and I’ll ignore any comments to the contrary.

Lately I’ve been needing to write . . . but short of my blog, nothing.

I’ve been wanting to reconnect with God . . . but I’ve made little progress.

How, oh how, I kept asking myself, can I get back my passions? Have I completely lost them, turning into an artist instead of a writer? Yesterday I went to Barnes and Noble looking for writing inspiration and instead bought two sketch books. Not a good sign.

I haven’t changed my mind that my artwork doesn’t bring me joy and has been a blessing to others. I still believe, as lethomson commented in my blog a few entries ago: “I can't find reason to admit that writing and helping friends has taken me away from God, because truthfully I think, through helping them, I am doing His Will.”

What then, is my problem?

Being an artist isn’t my dream. Creating graphics I want to be a side hobby when I need a break from writing, not my main purpose.

I knew something of import would happen this morning when I didn’t want to get out of bed. I felt this unshakable heavy fatigue and couldn’t understand why. I had a long and deep rest. I should have been up at six happy and spry as I normally am.

I then remembered something Jerry B. Jenkins, writer of the “Left Behind” series, noted when he’s writing. He often feels this same heavy fatigue. It’s a tremendous push to ignore it, and do as God had willed him to do. He considers the fatigue a spiritual attack because Satan doesn’t want him to continue. That alone motivates Jerry, because that means he’s on the right track.

When I finally pushed myself out of bed, I remembered something.

I bought a book two years ago called Write His Answer: A Bible Study for Christian Writers by Marlene Bagnull. I recalled how the first lessons I read motivated me to write, reminded me why and for whom I wrote, and the words flowed.

The forward, written by Lee Roddy says in part:

Many writers, filled with inspiration, start off strong. Then they get discouraged and quit. When they do, God’s vision is lost. How sad!

If it’s God’s will to write, then it’s logical that publication should eventually follow. After all, and unfinished manuscript cannot change lives. Even a finished one cannot minister in a drawer or filing cabinet. Only in published form can a book go where you and I will never go, to people we will never meet. Only in published form can a book make a difference in eternity.

So why do many writers, feeling called to write, fall short? I believe it’s because they neglect to note the way God says he will bring the vision to pass. That involves his time element, not the writer’s. Read the Lord’s clear words: “But these things I [God] plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! The will not be overdue a single day!” (Hab. 2:3)

I don’t know a single successful author in the inspirational field who hasn’t experienced doubts and discouragement. The unsuccessful ones are the ones who quit.

This is why I’m a dunderhead. I’ve had this book for two years, and have only read through a few devotionals, answering none of the questions asked at the end of each lesson. Here I was looking for inspiration and focus, and I had it on my bookshelf all along.

I’m going to ignore my spiritual fatigue and get to work. I think maybe now I'll accomplish what I want and need to accomplish.