My Life on a Plate

Guilty

It seems on the whole you kind and forgiving people feel David McClain should be let off the hook, so all charges are dropped. He must however be on his best behaviour for a respectable period of time, so let it be known we'll be watching him.

On the same theme I often wonder why I tend to blame myself for almost everything. 'Guilty' should have been my middle name and my sister often says, left to my own devices, I'd take the flack for every accident and disaster in the world.

Take this weekend for instance. On Friday I made a flippant remark to a friend which I feel may have been taken the wrong way. It's played on my mind and although the friend concerned may not even have taken offence at all, I couldn't forgive myself until I'd sent a written apology. I shall continue to feel guilty until I'm reassured all is well.

I've spent two afternoons at my parents, done a few jobs for them and sorted out their shopping needs for tomorrow, but still I feel guilty watching them struggle with age and think I don't do enough for them.

Hubby yelled at me when he came to fetch me from their house and the reason is still a mystery to me. But now I feel guilty as I don't want there to be an atmosphere in our home when our son leaves in only a matter of weeks.

I feel guilty because I smoke, I feel guilty because I drink, I felt guilty for being overweight, but even though I've tackled that problem I still feel guilty if I overindulge, treat myself or don't go to the gym.

I have no idea where this guilt complex comes from. Was I born feeling guilty because my mother had such a difficult birth? Did I develop it at school and college where I was often in trouble for what I now realise were petty incidents and often was wrongly accused? Or is it just a characteristic of being an over-sensitive, analytical person?

Even WDC causes guilt at times. If I neglect the housework, I feel guilty for spending too much time here. If I tackle the housework, I feel guilty for neglecting my friends on WDC. Catch 22 isn't it?

I feel guilty if I don't read and comment on all my friend's blogs. I feel guilty I don't read others on the list who may be excellent bloggers. I feel guilty for not reviewing enough, not supporting more forums and contests and for neglecting my own writing.

I have given more reviews on the site than I've received. Does that make me an unselfish person or a nuerotic soul attempting to draw the attention of others to myself? Or maybe I'm a perfectionist who wants to be all things to all people, when in reality I know that's impossible and am the first to tell others they can't do everything.

Again I quote my granddad. 'There's nowt so queer as folk,' and sometimes I don't think they come any queerer than me. Psychology fascinates me yet I understand so little of myself and my actions at times.

GAWD this is getting deep isn't it? Must be something in the water. I suppose I should be grateful I'm not Catholic. With all my guilty feelings I'd have to take up residence in the confession box. And I hope none of you are behind me when I reach those pearly gates or you could be standing in the queue for eternity while I tell Peter all about the things I've been guilty of since I arrived on earth.

One thing that does ease my conscience though on a daily basis is how much warmth and kindness I'm shown here in Blogville. The great comments, support and reviews I receive and the wonderful awards and badges which boost my self confidence no end.

So thanks so much to emmyloo for the Journalling badge. Coming from one of the funniest writers I know, I consider it a great honour.

Also many thanks to Wolfedale for the Generosity badge. It's wonderful to know some things we do in life are appreciated.

I'm not giving the answer to the last part of the test today. Although it wasn't stated, there is NO bridge over the river and don't think you can use the one Tor built out of alligator butts. We all know he can't be trusted.

So you have another chance to answer the question correctly. No one got it right but I won't gloat about it. Don't want you all feeling guilty. lol