Wheel of Fortune

anger....a deadly sin

My son and his family are slowly recovering from the fire. They have found a house to rent on a month-to-month basis that is willing to accomodate a household of 3 adults, 4 children, and 2 large dogs----not a small accomplishment----more like a minor miracle!

And now I have a confession to make........in the heat of anger and fear...I lashed out at someone and actually threatened to "f@#$%ing kill him if he laid a hand on my son"----my son was having a confrontational conversation with this man and I was concerned it might erupt to physical violence. The last thing my son needs right now is to be in jail for fighting. So-----I just stood up, said my piece, told this individual what a scum of the earth he was---and that yes---I would kill him. I've done this once before when my son was in an altercation ....Now---that being said----I have no fighting abilities, am basically a physical coward----but----a perceived threat to a loved one---sends me right off the edge----to total irrationality!

Well, no physical violence ocurred, and my son's wife feels my outburst prevented it--but now I am chastened and guilty for overreacting and being mercilessly unkind to someone . This man has always been polite and cordial to me, even though my opinion of him is that he is a washed-up, burnt-out druggie and loser. Yet, I was vicious and cruel, and could have handled this situation better.

It's never pleasant to look at yourself in the mirror and see someone looking back that you don't much like.

They say confession is good for the soul....

Still, Buddhists believe that until we learn to control and confront the violence within ourselves, it is unlikely we will ever achieve peace in the outer world. Today, I saw, indeed, how much anger and violence I hold inside. While I will continue to work for an end to peace and violence in the outer world, I need to look further inside at my own intolerance and anger.