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It’s Saturday and I feel...

Jalál (Glory), 15 Jalál (Glory), 168 BE – Saturday, April 23, 2011 about 3:20 PM Pacific Time

It’s Saturday and I feel so alone. I’m not alone, my mother is in the house with me, but I can’t have a meaningful conversation with her. I know the problem is the Alzheimer’s disease. She gets angry for no reason and she has short-term memory problems.

If I cry in front of her, she asks what’s wrong. I can’t tell her I’m crying because she has Alzheimer’s disease. She doesn’t realize she suffers from Alzheimer’s; all though, perhaps it isn’t her that’s suffering from it. She doesn’t know she has it, so she doesn’t realize how devastating it is.

Today is a good day, because she isn’t as angry as yesterday. This morning she was in a good mood when the woman came to give her a bath. Mom won’t take a bath herself because she believes she already took one and doesn’t see why she has to take another; she gets angry. It’s difficult for me to give her a bath; I’m lucky to get her out of bed each morning.

I would love to have a meaningful conversation with Mom again. I would love to be able to ask Mom what’s wrong and have her give me a logical answer. Instead, she doesn’t know what’s wrong or I have no idea what she is talking about. Sometimes I get the feeling that we’re starting in the middle of a conversations. I don’t know what the conversation is about, I don’t know what Mom is talking about. It’s like she starts in the middle of a conversation when our conversation begins.