Second Helpings

Could Do Better

If I were writing my own school report for the last week I think I'd award myself five out of ten for effort. That way there is plenty of room for improvement.

It hasn't been a particularly bad week, but then it hasn't been a particularly good one either. There have been annoyances and unexpected events that have taken up time and energy I hadn't planned on using, but most of them are due to family and other people, so I allow myself a short grumble then try to focus on my own improvement. There have been moments of anger, lethargy, irritation and a few tears when memories are triggered by music or thoughts. But I expected that and think it proof I am actually a human being and not an alien as some may suspect. It would be naive to expect no negativity or upsets and sometimes we need the bad stuff to make us more appreciative of the good.

It hasn't been difficult to find the five positives each day. I had a lovely walk on my own in local woodland on Wednesday and an enjoyable seven mile hike with my walking group on Thursday. Small things like plants, birds, butterflies all count as do the smiles of children and strangers. The brain chemicals aren't overflowing with the optimistic stuff yet, but anything worth achieving takes time and patience. A little warm sunshine would certainly help, but it appears that still isn't going to happen.

So, not the greatest of starts to my new regime, but I will continue with my efforts to improve my mood and outlook. I don’t believe we can totally change our innate personalities or characteristics, so not giving in to being a grumpy old woman is hard work, particularly when you spend so much time with a grumpy old man.

But I will try not to let him or anyone else rain on my parade and maybe by next weekend I’ll be able to up my score to six, but one day at a time and all that.