Second Helpings

More Facebook Fun

It may be a little premature to be thinking about it, but my WDC membership is due for renewal in May. Money is tight for many of us and I'm thinking I can no longer justify the very expensive fees I pay. Besides, I don't make use of the facilities on the site as much as I used to and hardly have the time to be entering contests, setting up forums or posting in interactives. I review when I can and still like the site, but the heady days of blogging, reading, adding chapters to mad adventures are over and maybe a change is overdue. I read fewer blogs now and write my own more sporadically. I can't see that situation changing, so have decided to sort out, declutter and downsize my portfolio in preparation for a lower fee membership.

I'm a stickler for becoming attached to sentimental items and as such have a lot of stuff in my mailbox from various times when I've had many difficulties in my life. As I'm reading through these old notes and shared stories of woe, it's bringing back a lot of memories, feelings and rawness, particularly over my son's bizarre actions which were now unbelievably seven years ago. As some of you know it's a long and complicated story. What saddens me is that after seven years, there are still phases when I just feel overwhelmed with the situation and unable to believe life will ever fall into a settled pattern. There have been some happy times of course and with three grand monsters added to the equation it's not easy to pull away when things aren't going well. My concerns and desire for a peaceful existence are mainly for my son and the children. My daughter-in-law I have always had mixed feelings about and always will. It's very difficult to deal with someone who seems totally unappreciative of all that's been done for her and the family and still has phases when she's aloof, selfish, unreasonable and downright nasty. This is one of them.

It's another long and complicated story, but as I stated in my last blog there have been some concerns, misunderstandings and confusion about something she posted on Facebook. As is always the case, it proved impossible to talk to her calmly about it and she is now going through another of her sullen, angry and resentful episodes. We did not see the family last week as Paul and Dylan weren't too well, but I suspect there's more behind it than that.

I don't like criticising my family in here, but for my own sake and those readers who I know understand my situation to some extent, I need to air my grievances for fear of self combustion and also as a record for future reference. Besides, no one in my family will read this and I'm fairly confident it's a safe site, unlike most social networks.

Airing your dirty laundry on a site like Facebook is asking for trouble in my humble opinion and is not something I'd ever contemplate. Mey Ling has done it frequently, slagging off our family, her husband and using language I'm ashamed to read. I notice she can spell those words perfectly and I'm not keen on some of the photos she posts either. But my first attempt to suggest she softens her words and posts resulted in a temper tantrum and she immediately struck both hubby and I off her friends list. No matter, I can still see what she posts through mutual friends and family, but haven't bothered to look too frequently.

The most recent altercation resulted in her unfriending my sister and my stepdaughter, but she must have less intelligence than I thought if she thinks I still can't access what she posts. Maybe I shouldn't, but when there are suspicions and problems in the family I feel I need to keep up with it, as adult discussion doesn't seem to be an option. In her most recent post she has stated she doesn't understand English parents. Her Cambodian followers asked why, to which she responded that we won't babysit without notice and she thinks that's stupid. They all concluded Cambodian parents are much better and Cambodia a preferable place to be. To this she responded that one day she and hubby will take the children to live in Cambodia and then we'll be sad and lonely old folk. In her dreams on both counts.

I know it's so silly and immature, I should be used to her moods and take it all with a pinch of salt. But I find it so hurtful and upsetting that we have to endure this sort of thing to try and keep the peace; that after all we've given her and do for them she can be so fickle and have no consideration for our feelings or culture. Paul is stressed and bogged down with work, trying to find another temporary job when this one finishes next week, seeing to the children and all that running a home entails. He's not blameless, but I don't think he has the time to be looking at what she posts online and complaining about it would only add to his stress.

The childish, bitchy side of me would like to retaliate with a similar post. Something to the effect that I don't understand Cambodian mothers and that I'd prefer to have an English woman as the mother of my grandchildren and she can return to Cambodia and be sad and lonely, but of course I would never dream of doing that. It's not the truth and I could never, ever consider hurting her feelings in that way. But why is it okay for her to react to situations, but not us? Answers on a postcard please. I know we will never be able to discuss anything rationally with her and it just saddens and frustrates me. I have no desire for family upsets or for them to have marital problems, quite the opposite, but I fail to see how we can continue bottling things up, papering over cracks and knocking ourselves out to help when she is just not willing to be reasonable. Seven years of this, along with other issues has made me very weary indeed.

So, as I read through all the backlog of events and traumas in my portfolio relating to this bizarre story, I keep hearing the words of the many people who have told me this is a tale worth writing about and I certainly have enough notes and research to make it a possibility. If I can't talk about it, then maybe therapy will come through writing it. I've made a start and am also searching out competitions and magazines requesting real life stories. It may be a flash in the pan. I may not live long enough to complete it or I'll go off the boil and get distracted as is frequently the case, but for the moment I think it's the only thing I can do to relieve my frustrations.

But first I need to sort out my portfolio and decide on the future of my membership on WDC. Who knows what else might happen before I accomplish that.