Poisoned Purple Pen

We All Know Them

Prompt: Tell us about some of the qualities that make people 'small dose friends' (friends you can't spend too long with without getting annoyed by them)

It's Friday Bitches!!

Ah, yes, those people who think their shit don't stink and have the ability to suck the life right outta you before you can even sit down. Let's just put it all out there. Shall we?

The Show Off
These are the ones that wear a new shirt/shoes/coat/jewelry and expect you to fawn all over them about it. Or carefully place their expensive purse in the center of the table and are constantly digging into it to make sure the rest of us notice and comment on it. Now, I was a serious tomboy growing up. I admit that. But I grew up and I love being able to match my purses to my clothes. In fact, I'm a Guess Purse Whore, and I am damn proud of it. But, I never pay full price. I refuse to. And I sit back and wait for the pretty things to go on sale before I spend a dime. And I do not flaunt them. But these people, oh no. To them, a sale means lying about what they really paid, and bragging about the $1000 they just dropped! For a damn handbag! Are you fucking kidding me?!?! Do you know what I could do with a hot grand? The list is long I kid you not.

The Copycat
These pain in the asses are the ones who envy everything you wear/do/have and don't even hide their jealousy. Nope, they flat out ask where you bought something so they can go buy one for themselves. Some of Rs friends make me sick because they constantly do this. I keep telling him to start lying. They are on a need to know basis, and these assholes Don't Need To Know!

The Whine Bag
We all know these people. They love to complain about EVERYTHING, and I mean everything. It's like a game, or a sickness or something. I haven't figured out just which it is yet. My all time fave is this one lady who talks about all her stomach problems, how she's lactose intolerant,
and then turns around and devours every dairy product in sight, only to whine about how much pain she's in later. Give it up. I ain't buying the shit you're sellin'.

The Pretender
They show up and act shocked that something has happened to you, and go out of their way to show you how much they care. Faker! Because believe me, the second you are out of their sight, they've forgotten all about you.

The Liar
Oh these wonderful hemorrhoids that KNOW everything, pretend they don't, and shoot their mouths off. They always have a plan. Anything you say and do they are right there, taking it all in so they can twist fact into fiction and put themselves at an advantage over you. They have no problem lying just to prove a point. Or using whom ever they choose to get you on their side so they can manipulate the shit outta you. Just sit back and watch, usually someone else will point out the truth in their lies, and you can bet your sweet ass they will pull a valid excuse from their vault of previous cons to get out of the fire.

I could go on. The point is, most of these people are fake friends, the ones that zap your energy and mess with your happy, and to top it off, they ENJOY it. Get off on it. I have practically bit my tongue in half on multiple occasions keeping my opinions to myself just to keep the peace.

"JAFBG"   by Elisa the Bunny Stik