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 |  "All books are either dreams or swords." |
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"All books are either dreams or swords. You can cut, or you can drug, with words." ~Amy Lowell   These are my thoughts on my life and my writing, and how both seem to mix together in an odd confluence of events. I also thought this would be a good place to talk about things I've read both in books and on WDC. Combining all of my addictions all in one place. I warn you now that this will probably make no sense whatsoever and will often times leave you confused. Welcome to my world.  "The soul, secure in her existence, smiles at the drawn dagger and defies its point. The stars shall fade away, the sun himself grow dim with age and nature sink in years, but thou shall flourish in immortal youth, unhurt amid the war of elements, the wreck of matter and the crush of worlds." ~ Joesph Addison The journey continues:
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I'm getting whiplash from the all the good news coming my direction. I'm now a Preferred Author.  However, it is a bittersweet achievement. But here I will focus on the sweet part.  Thanks for all the well wishes and everything. I hope to do everyone proud now as a yellow case. |
** Image ID #1526520 Unavailable ** I must thank my wonderful, terrific, fabulous Rising Star Sponsor Gothic Angel gone  !Thank you for this opportunity. You're fantastic! (Ignore my cheesy grin.)I also would like to thank my awesome friend and confidant Lonewolf  You have been there for me through thick and thin. I wouldn't have made it this far without you. . .. ... This sounds an awful lot like an acceptance speech. All I'm missing is the golden statue made of chocolate. And yet, I'm too happy to care. Go me! |
| For the past few weeks I've been exploring the concepts of personal boundaries, but not in the usual sense. This semester I'm taking a ceramics class along with my other academic courses. Its been a while since I've been able to work with my hands so this was a lovely reprieve from the normal lecture grind. The premise behind ceramics is simple. You're taking wet clay and forming it into something. However, the true complexity in ceramics is something that can reach the soul. When you're working with clay you're literally instilling a part of yourself into whatever you're making. Your cells blend into the clay as you pinch, and mold, and scrap the shape you're hoping to achieve. And when you're done and fire the form in the kiln, your imprint will be in the clay long after you've left the world. Deep stuff here. So, on a random whim, I entered a poetry contest where members write on the contemporary topic picked by the moderator. On Sunday evening you're given an article to read and create something that inspires you about what you've read. Its been a great experience so far, but I have to say that the topics have been kicking my ass.
The first article/topic was on the topic of why people don't discuss race anymore in the United States. Racism has been a big part of my life, much of which has not been a good experience. Reading the article brought back some memories. Writing the poem was one of the most difficult I've created.
Who knew that the next one would be even more painful. This one will haunt me for a while. I can only hope I did the topic justice. I will see what others take from it.
With this current trend of topics I'm almost afraid what this Sunday will bring. |
| I haven't slept more than two hours in the past forty-eight. I find myself to be a little bit punchy at the moment. Today was a constructive day for my classes. I happy with the events even if my hockey teams are embarrassing me at the moment. I could continue to ramble here, but that doesn't seem right. Shucks, my brain is shutting down. 'Night all. |
| Today is officially Ash Wednesday, marking a symbolic close to the indulgence of the year and bringing about a time of fasting, contemplation, and sacrifice...damn. No, really, this is a good time to be had. If done correctly, life can gain a sort of focus that the rest of the year lacks. You're purging the wasteful for something more visionary. I think this will be a good thing for me right now. I've decided to give up chocolate for the next forty days. This is harder than it sounds. See me and chocolate have had a long love affair for many years. It will be hard parting company in such a manner. Mass is tomorrow. Not only will I be blessed under the ashes, but I'll get to meet the new priest at the church. Should be interesting as he's suppose to be a great orator. The last priest, Father Bruce, was an awesome man who had to step down because of a stroke. This new guy I've been told is young and spry with new ideas for St. Tim's as the church is also going through a bit of a recession. Not that you particularly care about any of this information. There ya have it. Fun times ahead. Happy Ash Wednesday... one of the few holidays they don't have greeting cards for. |
| To The Characters In My Head: Okay, it's time to quiet down now. Seriously. You're partying, getting to know each other, meshing all my stories to all hell and gone. Its great that you're spilling your beans, but that's enough already! My head can only take so much information before it explodes into tiny pieces. If you want your stories to be told you'll have to leave a small shred of sanity for me to form sentences. There's something else you all should also keep in mind. There's a reason why you all need to speak up ONE. AT. A. TIME. There are over one hundred of you and only one of me. Pushing, shoving, and shouting do not help the situation on bit. I promise, everyone will get their day in the sun. So, for at least tonight, I want everyone to...take a nap or something. Doesn't matter what you do as long as you do it quietly. Tomorrow we'll all pick up where we left off with one of the stories. This has to gone in a somewhat fashionable order or all Hell will break loose. Literally in some of your cases. Thank you. Sincerely, Your Frazzled, Overcrowded Writer |
The list of awesome things that make up my boyfriend is longer than the Great Wall of China. He's just that awesome.  I received one of the loveliest Valentine's cards in the mail today. It was the best gift a girl could ever have (except if he'd been in the card) and I'm beaming like a dope. I will be in this position for the rest of the weekend...well, besides an emergency trip I'm taking up to Bakersfield tomorrow. Still, the smile will be coming with me on the bus. My guy is a god among men. Isn't love grand? Message Ended. Sappiness Over. |
| Numbness, my sweet friend, come join me in a game of chess. The coldness has come, left, only to return. It a different kind of coldness, the one where you feel as if someone has just stepped on your grave. I had a moment tonight, well... more like an hour of growing fear. In the end I prayed as a waited for the phone to ring. Minutes turn to hours. Rings take a lifetime. The heart beats a rapid tattoo in my chest. The ending was comical - I could sense it logically - but my body still hasn't come down. The tears keep falling no matter much I want them not to. I don't cry, but this... Call it relief, leftover panic, whatever. How I feel just like a foolish girl, standing on the curbside while waiting for the ride that never comes. |
| This morning, after a fitful night sleep, I woke up feeling like I had been locked in a large freezer. For the life of me, I can not get warm. There's not heat in my body (there is, but it doesn't feel that way.) The bone chill and the pain are keeping me from class today. I hate that to no end. See, here's the thing, I don't get cold. I'm the person who, in the middle of winter, is wearing shorts and a tank with the AC turned to 50 and still wondering why its so hot still. But, right now, I'm decked in sweats, a sweater, thick socks, and a long shirt and still shivering from the cold. Does anyone have any heat to spare? My fingers are stiff from the cold. I'm thinking of layering on some more clothes. The heat from my laptop isn't even seeping through to my thighs. This never happens to me! It's one of those days where I wish I had someone to curl up with to keep me really. Really, really wish. Have I mentioned the feeling of something taking a bat to my body sometime last night? No literally, but feels pretty freakin' close. There's definite pain happening. I need to stop now. I sound like I'm whining, and there's no cheese around. Thanks. Walking away freezin' now. *shivers and waves* |
| Two posts in one day - the madness! Bizarre as it is I couldn't go to bed without posting the perfect poem for the perfect mood. I found this while trying to write a poem of my own in my notebook. Gotta love the irony. Slightly eccentric is she, if they only knew The real me I share with a chosen few Madness and enlightenment where my secret soul resides Which reality to follow each moment must decide I must live in this world and what can be seen But in my spirit I follow other dreams If this world is sane I choose in gladness My secret thoughts and embrace my madness -Written by: Ione L. |
| I'm writing a novel. Several actually. Thirty-seven if you want an exact number. Mostly I've been working on a series of books for the past few years about...well I'm keeping that to myself for the moment. But here's the funny part, for the life of me I can't put the words down on paper. I try, really. The ideas and characters are floating in my mind as I writer, wondering when they'll get through day in the sunshine. I want to give it to them. They're good people, creature...things. Anyway. So I've tapped into my great sense of procrastination and have come up a plan to help me get the words out. Some people find that making a situation easier helps them figure it out. I'm the opposite. I need to make things more complex to get the true feel for the issue. So, I've create storyboards on my computer. The storyboard idea I got from a couple of wonderful sources: a fabulous writer named Jennifer Crusie who makes them by hand, and another great writer and group friend, Reyah . Mine aren't as nearly as nice, but they're helping me envision my characters a bit more. Its nice to have something almost tangible at hand so I can say to myself in desperate moments - oh yeah! that's what he looks like.Through the process I've also found out what I don't want in my characters as well as trivia about famous ones I didn't know before. The process has been interesting, and I'm only about a fourth of the way through all the people, but the experience has been a learning one. Next - the playlists/soundtracks! I'm such a dork.  |
I've been having a weird spurt of energy since sundown, something I hope to ride out until early this morning. During this time, between jamming to music, writing reviews, and finding images for a Signature Shop I'm thinking of creating, I been pondering what to write in my blog. A few topics came to mind:  Writers and Music: The Musical Inspiration on Writing CreativityComma Crazy: My Bizarre Love With Overusing CommasThe Art of Reviewing: Learning Through Others MistakesCampfires: A Collective of CreativityEye Candy Obsession: A Look Into The Need For Writing VisualsIn the end as I pulled myself away from reviewing, and for some odd reason decided to check my horoscope of all things. This is what I found: Gemini - There is a distinct lack of intellectualism around you today -- and you aren't going to find any scintillating conversations happening. So if you have a strong urge to get philosophical, turn to one of your friends. New people are too afraid of going against the grain right now. They are going to be prone to just saying whatever they think you want to hear. Satisfy your intellectual hunger with an Internet search on the topics that interest you. Be in charge of your own education. Needless to say, all other blog topics went out the window for my mind is now dwelling on this. Part of me is saying, aren't you going to check the Cancer section? You are a cusp you know. But mostly my brain is scoffing with the realization of the magnitude of the "prediction". Is this not a sign to study or what? |
| I feel like I've fallen down on my mission for this blog. I was hoping to talk more about the things I've read and found on WDC than blabber about my life. Looking back, I've barely done the former and have totally smothered people with the later. I apologize profusely, and plan to fix that mistake right now. For the past couple of months I've donated review packages to certain auctions on the site. I did it mainly because I ran an auction, and its time consuming but necessary to ensure funds for upgrades and groups. I also wanted to push myself to review more. You learn from experience, and I've got to say, there are some amazing poets out there. Everyone I've reviews has talent, and I've come to find their voices among the words. Everyone has a unique flavor. Everyone has something to give in their writing. Punctuation is great, but it's the style and flow that captures my eye. These are just a few of the wonderful wordsmiths out there. Author: drjim Style: Free-form. Visionary. Has a way with words that leaves me in awe. Plus, he's a really nice person. Sample:
Author: ~Windsong~ Style: Can capture the essence of a place and paint you a magnificent, vivid picture with just words. Sample:
Author: aralls Style: Rhyme and emotionally driven. If emotions could be seen with the eye, these poems would be the way to see them. Sample:
Author: PaulZ ~ Je Suis Le Reve ~ Style: Poetry that makes you think, and is not afraid to answer the hard questions. Sample:
Check these writers out, and I assure you that you will not be disappointed. |
| Pain is a whore. Sure, it can make you feel alive and in the moment. But for whatever trip it sends you on, it always expects something in return. And if you don't surrender to its guiles? It tears you to pieces like a piece of paper. I've seen pain all of my life. I been dealt pain a number of times as well. However, after all this time I'm still a slave to it especially when it catches me off guard. The sneaky bastard. Tonight hasn't been the best, and my mood could be described as, well... surly. I'm pissed and hurt and disappointed, and feel like a complete moron for feeling pissed and hurt and disappointed. I can hear myself being bitchy on the phone, mentally trying to shut myself up, but I can't help the detached feeling of my words. In my defense (not that it excuses anything) the moment I feel hurt, I detach, retreating inside to prevent further damage. Still, no excuse. So, I'm saying goodbye as politely as a can to the person on the phone, praying to same down and get in a decent word when my knee spikes in extreme pain. It feels like someone has taken a baseball to my kneecap, sending shards of agony up and down my leg bones and muscles. Caught off guard I curse clutching my knee. I'm asked if I'm okay. There's compassion from the person on the other side of the phone. In that moment I felt weak, wanting so much to curl up in that voice of loving gentleness. Bet you can guess what I do with that overwhelming desire. I grit my teeth, let the bitchy, pain-filled part of me to take over, ending the call abruptly so the other person couldn't decipher my need for help and a shoulder to lean on. I know, I know, I'm a dumbass. The pain is still there drilling into my body as I write. There's no sleep tonight, predicting another lagging, tiresome day during my classes tomorrow. I haven't slept well in the past week because of an endless stream of nightmaric dreams. Bloody, violent, agonizing death with simultaneous heartbreak - you know, the usual fanfare. God Almighty, take the pain away. Let me get some rest. Help me make things right. Although this will not be seen by the person I offended - I'm sorry. Lo siento. Please... forgive me. Its okay, you can stop covering your eyes. I'm shutting up now. |
| My day was going pretty well as I was hanging out with my mom, just shooting the breeze and spending some quality time together. I'd been feeling kind of crappy physically, but being with my mom always keeps me light as she knows exactly how to make me smile. It was a nice change for the both of us after the gloom of losing friends. We had decided to pay a couple of bills given our sudden good moods and went wandering around Target. I was aimlessly walking down the Gardening Section when I get a random call from someone very close to me. (No names again. Ahh, Lady, the madness! I live to confuse.  ) He makes me laugh, I get stares from random people, I smile back rather unreassuringly, they flee for their lives. Well...not flee but close. It was towards the end of the conversation when he drops the hint of a bomb. This is the point in the story where I should tell that I'm a Worrier. Its a flaw of birth I'm sure. But if I feel an smidgen of affection for you, I worry about your well-being. If I love you, you're screwed because I'm thinking worse-case-scenario, apocalyptic hysteria. I hide it well, most people can't tell unless you know me pretty well, but the worry lurks underneath the surface of my calm facade like a shark in the ocean waiting for its fishy midnight snack. So, I sense the danger and start to worry with a capital W. In response to the sudden fear, I tumble out the jokes. I'm one of those stupid people that will try and use humor to deflect the fact that there's a gun being shoved into my temple. Yes, I know, I'm one of those sad cases. He laughs his wonderful laugh, I try to laugh, and start running those damn scenarios through my head. It takes thirty minutes to get home. My mom is looking at my squirreliness in question but doesn't comment, knowing with her Motherly Spidey Sense that I will tell her soon. The cell phone is in my hand before my bag hits the floor. "Is it bad?" "No, it can be considered good news." Oh. Relief fills me. "That's great! What's the news?" "I'm alive." Now I feel stupid. "That's...wonderful. That's the news?" "Well...the bad news was that Iwasinacaraccident." "WHAT?!?" "I was in a car accident." I'll give him this. He knows me too freakin' well. As he proceeds to calmly explain what happened, interjecting that he's fine a few times, I try my best not to have an asthma attack. "Are you okay?" I ask him the tenth or eleventh time. "I'm fine," he says with a smile in his voice. I'm not so convinced. The men in my life don't do well in cars. There has been more injuries, death, and devastating loss due to automobiles than I care to think about. None of what was being said to me was hitting the logical center of my brain. I wanted to run my hands over his body to make sure all his arms and legs were still attached. I needed to see he was whole with my own eyes. I needed to know for sure. Unfortunately, my teleportal machine is still in the shop. "Are you sure you're okay?" "Yes," he laughs. "I'm positive." My faith in God has been cemented for years. I'm not the most obedient of humans, especially in times of great strife or pain, but my heart is always there. Since that phone call I have been thanking God for protecting this man who is so dear to me. There is not enough gratitude I can give to show how thankful I am. Even now I continue to pray in mercy, my words are a mixture of languages and tears. I don't know what else to pray except: Bless you for watching over his safety. Thank you with all my heart. |
| Have you ever felt lonely? The kind of deep loneliness that seems to take you breath away just thinking about? That alone feeling where you could be standing in a swarm of people and still feel like the only person in the world? The loneliness where you reach out to someone, and nothing you can say or do can express that empty feeling inside? Where your skin seems to ache, needing someone to touch you so you can feel a connection with another human being? That feeling where neither tears nor smiles will fill that hole right over you heart? Really? Not once? *coughs uncomfortably into fist, looking down at the floor.* |
I have recently heard the news that two family friends have passed away. Each of their lives were cut short separately and tragically. They meant so much to so many, dear people who had much to give to every they met. They will be greatly missed. Rest In Peace - Francis and Lawrence. You are in our hearts. |
| I'm a superhero. I bet you didn't know this about me. Don't feel bad, I only found out a month ago myself. It took a person close to me to let me know who I was and that I had super powers. He even gave me my superhero name. Dork Girl. I know what you're thinking - Dork Girl? I had the same reaction. But I was told it is was a special name, one that fits me from head to toe. And as everyone knows any name with power comes with great responsibility. Its like being Superman without the massive inferiority complex or having Batman's dark, brooding moods all the time. When I hear the name my chest puffs out with pride, I walk each step with purpose...and nearly trip over my own feet as a curl gets stuck in my eyes. I even have a cape. *holds cape up in the air with big goofy grin* Armed with self-deprecating sarcasm, a tendency to bash my elbows into walls, and a knife too big for my size, I'm ready to take on the world one evil at a time. I'm currently working on my theme song. A girl needs to make an entrance. One wrong opening number and you're the laughing stock of the superhero community. I'm also looking for an archenemy. Applications are currently being accepted should you think you fit the part. Evil cackle, evil master plan for world domination, and evil minions are required. Now, I'm off to fight crime and static cling! Dork Girl to the rescue. |
| I'm tired - bone tired. Too much work to do and not enough time in the world. Sickness has found me again, and I have to be honest, its starting to bug the crap out of me. More and more I'm finding I have to apologize for things not getting done. I never thought things in my life would come to this. There is a certain amount of weakness about all this that's making me nuts. Well, can't stop moving now. Its as Lao Tzu once said (yes, I'm getting philosophical - blame it on the antibiotics) The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. |
| The goal of this entry is to give twenty current facts for the twentieth entry of my blog. Brace yourselves. _Here's a big surprise - I have a head cold from Hell. Currently, my head feels like my brain is going to burst through my eyeballs at any moment. Fever keeps spiking up and down, which makes my lovely bod feel like its been attacked by a Louisville slugger. By the sound of things you can tell I'm chipper as a corpse. I'm doing my best to channel my inner Easter bunny so back off sparky. _At this exact moment I am sitting outside on the balcony with my computer on my lab watching the sun set. Its quite beautiful actually, and I'm enjoying being outside for something other than taking out the trash. _Just finished my first auction and raffle. It was time consuming but an enjoyable success. I really hope I helped out my friends in need of upgrades soon. Their work is too great to lose. _Start Spring semester on Tuesday. Signed out for a full ride so this should be interesting. Twelve hours on campus, twice a week. I'm thinking of purchasing a tent to camp out on the baseball field. _Arabic is soon to be my second language (my understanding of Salvadorian/Mexican/Rican-esque Spanish somehow doesn't count...weird). It was either that or Japanese but Arabic won the coin toss. _Heading to a hockey game on Sunday with my father. Go Ducks! We're sitting in the nosebleed seats. Bringing tissues just in case. _Past couple of day I've been trying to catch on work. Reviews to fulfill for auctions, cNote shops to create, campfire additions to write, research orders to fill, work on the thirty-seven novel ideas floating around in my head. I set a deadline for Monday. Want to bet if I make it? _My eldest brother -S- turns 36 next week. Weird seeing as I can't legally drink yet. Between my eldest bro and me, and my youngest brother -Z- and me is fifteen years a piece. The circling of our lives is definitely strange. I've turned to calling -S- a grumpy old man just to bug the crap out of him. _Due to circumstances out my control I couldn't finish the 31-Day Journal Challenge. I enjoyed the experience however and entered the FtL Challenge. I'm also thinking of turning some my old blog entries into stories of their own. Could be fun. _Having trouble with my fingers lately. My knuckles are cracked and bleeding while the bones are constantly stiff. Sexy, huh? Winter is Hades on the skin...its a long story. _A poem of mine is getting weirdly trashed. Weirdly as in, "The spelling and structure is fine, but there's no emotional depth." Not sure how to take that, but I'm not quite sure they aren't correct. _Rediscovering so old music that I had forgotten. Like bumping into old friends. _Weirdness is afoot in the world. What's new really? _I keep having this reoccurring dream where someone is screaming my name, begging for help, and as I reach for the voice I wake up in a daze. Not sure what the means, but its starting to creep me out a bit. _Came to the realization that I'm not as funny as I perceive myself to be, but somehow, against the laws of physics, have become more sarcastic. I also have a wide breath of useless knowledge at my disposal. _My elderly next door neighbor who walks this little Chihuahua dog that seems to pee in the same spot on the steps every night. Since we share the same staircase its a bit bothersome. Little dogs are not my cup of tea. _There is something strange when you witness a 10-year-old Mormon girl from Utah sing in perfect pitch the lyrics from "Mississippi Queen". Who knew that Rock Band could bring back mullet rock to the masses. _I'm more Catholic than I realized. Wasn't raised Catholic per se but my mother is Catholic and has rubbed off on me and my siblings. My step-mother is also Catholic. Its running joke in our family that my brothers and I are "half-Catholic" twice the guilt-half the calories. _There is a surprising amount of plane activity over my apartment complex and we're more than fifty miles from the nearest airport. Odd, anyone? _Being alone and lonely are the twisted sisters of emotions. So, there it is. Twenty odd facts for my twentieth blog entry. I'm not as entertaining as I thought I was. Shucks. ** Image ID #1504839 Unavailable ** "The soul, secure in her existence, smiled at the drawn dagger and defies its point."  |
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lol Catch ya later friend.
