Where Stars Still Shine At Night

March 2, 2013: Write about a time that it was hard to be honest, but you were.

Many times as a child I fought every kid's battle of truth or lie. My parents made that decision much easier. If we told a lie and they found out about it, we were spanked. If we told the truth, the spanking would be lighter or not at all. The risk of our lies getting caught out far out-balanced the benefit of the lie. So we usually told the truth, or only told a fib or two.

And as the youngest of seven children, I watched my older brothers and sisters reap the consequences of their lies. In a way, their spankings were mine – sure, I didn't feel them, but I felt just as bad and learned just as much. I think I received the least spankings of us all because I was terrified of them and would break down in tears. I was not spoiled. I guess I had a different set of struggles as a kid.

Anyway, I'm getting side-tracked. Excuse my wandering pen, and the excess emoticons. Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm has named us Queens of Emoticons!

Nothing came to mind immediately when I first read the prompt, except for little insignificant incidents concerning money, etc. I'm not blowing my own trumpet, but I have never found honesty a problem. I guess lies are...hurting to my self-esteem and beneath my dignity, if that makes sense?

I think children's lies are much more innocent than adults. I don't think we grow out of lying, we grow into a more intricate and subtle way of lying.

After thinking for a while about the prompt, I think I've nailed the most hurtful truth I ever told. I suppose it was a very hurtful time during my childhood, and that's why it stands out so starkly.

Once when I was eleven or twelve years old, I caught my older brother looking at pornographic pictures. I confronted him in tears, ashamed and frightened of what he was looking at, and ran away to my room to cry. Later on he came and apologized and asked if I had told anyone. I said, no, I hadn't. He said he would confess to Dad and never do it again. I didn't hear of anything more until Dad found the pictures. He rounded all of us kids up and asked who did it. Clearly, my brother hadn't confessed. I mumbled something awkward and he said, "Did you do it?" I stumbled out, "No, but I think I know who did." Honestly, I was so frightened and so ashamed that I knew the secret. It has never pained me so much to tell on someone. I told Dad everything, and later he came and thanked me. I knew my brother had been punished and talked to for a long time about it. I thank God he was caught, because I now know pornography is addictive and I have seen what people can become. (My brother is fine now. He's going strong on the straight and narrow. )

Yikes, reading back over this, I'm afraid I sound really self-righteous. Sorry, I thought about deleting it and starting all over again, but I can't. I've done my best, there it is. I just hope it comes across right.

Honesty is a valuable quality. It is a pillar of friendship and trust. No relationship or business or any kind of endeavour will be successful without honesty.

February 28, 2013: Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Yikes! I've always feared this question, but I can see the point. I don't like try to sum myself up with one or two words, or put myself in some kind of category.

I think I'm both, if that's possible. I'm like the moon, there are two sides of me: the side you see, and the side you don't see...

I'm introverted inside me, very personal and shy in some ways. I don't make friends easily unless I move in the same circles/see them regularly, and get to know them slowly. I don't feel comfortable in groups of people I don't know, and usually keep to myself. I never liked myself much for being so awkward and stupid. And I have always had a horrible habit of saying "What?" or "Eh?" instead of "Pardon?" or "Sorry?" (I've improved recently! ) Anyway, I was never good at expressing myself, and writing became a channel for that. Writing is a very personal part of me, especially poetry.

On the other hand, I'm very strong in my opinions and beliefs, and I think this comes across to a lot of people as self-confidence and wit. I've been told that people are drawn to that in me, how I am who I am and they know who to be around me (themselves, I hope). Strangely, I have been called "popular", "smart", "funny", "talented", "philosophical" and "beautiful", words I would never have dreamed of being applied to me. I have also been called "optimistic" and "pessimistic". So you choose.

In the end, I think I lean more towards the introvert. But I can be who I want to be, and I like to see myself as me.


Thanks to everyone who has sent well-wishes and kept me in their thoughts and prayers. I am feeling better, but I am still spending a lot of time in bed resting. I get headaches and still feel dizzy and sick at times, and the antibiotics make me sleepy and stupid. (I slept from 9:30 pm until 11:45 am today, hardly waking up once!)

Oh, and don't forget to check out Wonder Woman's (Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm ) awesome, unique, new fund-raiser (link below). I can sense it's going to be a rip-roaring success.

P.E.N.C.I.L. Anniversary Fundraiser   (E) Almost closing time... Hurry and get your bid in! #1919860 by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

February 27, 2013: If you were supreme ruler of planet Earth for one day, what changes would you make?

Dear friends,

Yesterday I collapsed and had a kind of seizure. I was taken by ambulance to the hospital, with a soaring fever, shivering, dizzy and tingling all over. I was in quite a bit of pain for about an hour. The pins and needles were in my legs, arms and face. They took blood tests and a urine sample (eeww!), and the pain got worse for a while. The nurse worked with me to control my breathing because I was hyperventilating, and eventually I got it under control. After they pumped me with antibiotics, I soon began to feel better. They x-rayed my chest and we waited for the test results.

It turned out my immune system overreacted to an infection, sending me into an almost seizure/fit thing and a fever. After about five hours in hospital, I felt much better and was discharged. Dad and Mum took me home, and I slept really well, only waking up a few times in the night. This morning I felt much better, just a bit dopey. The tingling in my fingertips went away, and the headache has faded.

I praise God for bringing me through, and I am thankful that it wasn't worse, such as meningitis, epilepsy or a brain hemorrhage or tumour. Lying in that hospital bed, all I could do was pray. Not knowing what was wrong with me, I realized my body was, in a way, beyond my control. I knew then that life is a breath – quick, quiet and always taken for granted. I chose my life not to be a breath, but a shout, a song, a whisper, a word – anything but a breath. I want my life to be heard and seen. Because breaths are numbered and death is a breath away. One minute I was playing my cello, then I felt dizzy, then it all went black. I could've died right then. Every second of my life I could have died.

I know that God has plans for me, and I also know that I am ready for death. I know I could face it, not without fear, but with the courage that God has given me. God protected and comforted me and I felt His presence all around me. I thank Him for the capable nurses and the kind doctor who looked after me. I thank Him for bringing me home safely, and for drawing me closer to Him through this experience.

I also thank Him for the family and friends who were there for me, and spent time praying for me. I love you all so much.

I hope that the memory of yesterday never fades, because I faced some of my greatest fears and trusted in God as I have never trusted before. Praise Him!

Please forgive me for any delay in responding to emails, etc. It has taken me a long time just to type this out!

And today's prompt? If I were supreme ruler of planet Earth for one day, I would put a Bible beside every hospital bed.