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When one blog is filled, another one must open. |
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Coming soon: more work from someone creative, ambitious, and determined - often called a variant of insane/crazy. Notes: Genderfluid. Preferred pronouns (they/them) [& denotes married couples] Immediate Family: soon-to-be-ex-Dilbert, Tempest, Dogbert My Extended Family: (s)Dad, cousins (K, D, G, J, F, N) I guess it's good to be on speaking terms with someone. Voluntarily. AuntS Dilbert's Extended Family: SIL (+5 kids)& BIL, FIL's gf (only for holidays, mostly) Important People I Don't See Enough: Owl + Partner, Paradise ICON crew (which owl is a part of) People I've Known a Long Time/Long Distance: Doc & [husband], Sheer & DocSheer, Mrs. Light & [husband], Trillium & Diego (not married but close enough), Steph Local People: MotherDroid, Owl&Partner ... There are about to be new people on this list, because, well, I'm evolving. And it hurts. DnD: used letters, S (DM), D(doctor), Y(because I like him!), K(old RPGer friend who also attends church), P(church guy who does game night and is local and our families are also friends), A (went to church but moved back to Chicago, moved back locally then i moved) Tempest's friends: I don't know very many of her local friends. She's got an internet buddy who also talks to CousinK's younger daughter. the younger daughter is DRAMA. Dogbert's friends: Has a new group of friends based on a Pokemon thing and they have a DnD club at school and outside of school. Lucky kid! |
| "Note: In that moment that you graduate from university w..." I need to talk about this more. But I'm late to a playdate. |
| July is still a struggle. So... at church I had a discussion with Daisy: And part of it was that my mother thinks i need to have a chat with her wife (Rascal) about her excessive weight - but that was more of an aside. I don't know how to tell my mother that I don't think her weight is an issue. And that no matter what, it isn't my place to go there unless Rascal says something about wanting my specific help. Because if I step in there - I'm not her friend. Daisy doesn't think I should even mention that to Rascal, because that's apparently the thermonuclear war button on Rascal's back. And I mentioned that there's a warning sign for her wife: her bumper stick reads Change how you see, not how you look. And then there's the part about becoming a krav instructor, and being the first girl on that side. She always mentions that's why she took her daughter to Kuk Sool Won (remember when I tried that?). Because there are "many" female black belts and they are respected within the school. BUT- one of the female black belt teachers there was such a bitch that I couldn't stomach voluntarily going and finding out she was teaching again. Which is why I sent the master of that place an email about why I wasn't joining. It wasn't just her- I can realize it was the change in the entire class around her. There were NO women in her class- the females that were there before had all gone, one I had spoken with before the class started and she pled illness. Damn. time to go to yoga if I'm gonna go. Still might be late. Will update later. I didn't make it to yoga. but I did make it to Michaels to exchange a frame and buy new ones for the pictures Mom made of the kids and I went to Kohl's to spend a reward cash. Got a sports bra (because I'm just not as happy with all of them) and a shirt that says "My favorite bars are chocolate." Fitting.  but on the krav thing- Daisy and I have a mutual friend that loved when her son took taekwondo from the owner of this place. And my teacher was teaching the boy, too. She understood I was in with good people. *breathes* I think I get my hackles up when she says that because she didn't try the class and she didn't see how those guys reacted to black belt bitch. She might understand the art but she doesn't have any idea how to confer that to others - or to understand that you don't need to micromanage them as they work underneath her. I'd rather be that woman at the krav place, that people see being respected by the teachers and the other students. Not that I won't have to work for that on some of these students who think they're farther because of a belt level. There are different reasons for choosing me than just any of this other level of belt. (Those reasons might also be because I'm a woman, and not just that I've taught a crapload of other classes. 13 years is a lot of classes. Plus I'm consistent and I'm persistent. Another plus: I get along with the current staff.) I think i went through the iteration I needed for now. but my new tai chi class is going again tomorrow, and I might be taking on a silver sneaker class for my boss in the fall - because summer is a tough time for me with kids and all. Sometimes I don't feel ready to teach tai chi. This class is an exception, but it also proves the rule because I have to make it up as i go along. THat's tough. |
| Received my orange belt last night. I tested 6 weeks ago, but the certificate, belt, and wristband are now in my possession. It feels good to have that actual reminder of this achievement. I ran the warm-up for class. It's something I'll do occasionally do since I said I'd like to instruct. It's hard in a class that goes from white-orange-yellow and to only be a middling orange. Most of them are a lot farther along than me. But they emphasized my teaching experience, and I guess I ought to do that, too. I do have a lot of teaching experience. Like- 12 or 13 years. I forget exactly. When I think back to that first yoga class- it was terrible. But my class was encouraging and they helped me over that first hurdle of trying something very new. And after that, I got better. I've improved a great deal over the years, sometimes in different ways. And sometimes I've lost some while I had kids and no sleep and no continuing ed... I almost nailed the warm up last night. Two small glitches easy enough to solve. Not bad for the first time. The owner talked about a man who was posing within the organization, poaching students from different schools and trying to pretend he knows more than he does. I appreciate the warning. But it was a long explanation and it was a long time there. Dilbert didn't miss me this time, but I didn't stretch. And so I am very sore this morning. But I feel okay with where I am. Except when the owner looks at me and says I can teach Kali, too. I don't know that I can. I can try krav. I think I can. Kali has more for me to understand and practice, and at that point I realize I am very good for a complete beginning to get a feel for that basic spot. I have three teaching buddies for this new iteration: two are facebook friends and one i have his number to text. All of them are fellows I feel good about- one of them I was practicing kali with in the park. He  s the park I chose and is excited to go back. It's calm and peaceful. He is only going to test for his yellow belt in krav, so he's not much further than I am. The second who will teach kali is also i think orange or yellow? And the one who will teach krav with me just tested camo a few weeks ago. I feel like I'm in good company with these guys. And they're all guys- the owner, my teacher, and my teaching buddies. A couple on the taekwondo side are girls, but I don't know them, and i don't see them. But except for one girl, who i haven't seen in a couple months, I'm the farthest along of the girls in krav. And I need to remember that. Because I can make this work. And the creepy guy didn't bother me this time. but we'll keep an eye out. |
| I can contact exactly 2 of the girls from krav (one is my writer friend). Thursday only two of us were there, the other girl is Cassie. And I realized Cassie would be there today, and I wouldn't. And my writer friend is out of town. Normally that doesn't bother me to be the only girl, and it doesn't bother me to let someone else be the only girl, either. We're tough. But there's a new guy. And I was his partner Thursday. He sought me out. Because of my ankle, because of his wrist. We're practicing headlocks from the back, but he wouldn't let go. I just kept fighting it, because that's what I do. Teacher, who has my loyalty and my high regard, caught him doing that and told him not to - but when it was the new guy's turn to do the drill, he wouldn't let me do the headlock on him - he made the other new guy do it. (I had told him it was his turn next. coward?) So I'm left with this opinion he's either a brat or an asshat. He thought he was the youngest in class (21) and I informed him he's definitely not - because the 15 yr old was back and next to him. (just turned 15, too) He's also very religious, and he wanted to pray over my injured ankle. That's not going to happen again. And damnit. Why do they always pick me? I haven't gone to the teacher yet. But... it was enough for me to text Cassie this morning. That i don't have anything concrete, but keep your eyes open for that new guy. It's a girl thing. And now I'm going to go teach yoga and get him out of my mind. I have a novel to edit, a birthday gift and probiotics to buy, and the kids come back at 1 for a birthday party and i have 2 extra girls this afternoon to keep busy. Whee. |
| Did I mention dilbert was home this week? And that it could possibly be only to annoy me? So, yesterday, I stopped by the post office and my PO Box key didn't work, and there were about 8 people in line, so I skipped sitting there. Then the washing machine (that was installed June 2) was found to have a kink in the back of the hose. by Dilbert. Around midnight last night. After I said I was going to bed at 10 and he said it would only take a minute to "show you where things are in the garage" after he cleaned it. I got to bed, like 12. Because of the garage only a few minutes but the washer ate up rest of the two hours. And THEN I went to wake Tempest to go potty, because still having accidents. She was soaked and she had slept through it. *hangs head* And she didn't even realize she was wet until after I had her to the bathroom and she was getting dressed again. 12:20- Dogbert gets up, crying. His knee hurts and he doesn't know anything, just pain and tired. Ibuprofen, back to bed to snuggle in his bed, then ack to my bed. almost 1am. (No wonder I'm exhausted and waiting for a nap and I'm losing my patience.) Dilbert was, of course, downstairs, watching tv. He wandered up around 6am. Because he fell asleep downstairs again and missed all of it. Again. He roped poor Tempest into "Helping" him clean outside in the heat. And then a thunderstorm rolled through, so of course she was terrified. I had Dogbert help me inside in my office. Today the computer sounded terrible, so Dilbert is now fixing it. Then he's going to clean up things i don't use. He might as well uninstall everything because i haven't been down there in months. That's after Tempest wanted to go biking and i said not with her sandals. And then she took out her scooter and Dilbert yelled at her because she scratched my car. Today was supposed to be the nicer day. I took Dogbert to Despicable Me 3 and Dilbert took Tempest to Cars 3, so the kids have seen both movies this week. Plus today when Dogbert and I returned Dilbert was taking apart my bike because the front tire froze between yesterday when he wheeled it over there to today when he parked his car? No idea, but he complained so much about how the thing was built. But if you only allow me to buy a cheap bike this is what you get - a cheap bike that's not designed well. I so need krav tonight. Maybe because that's my only break, it seems. |
| There have been a couple good things - like Dilbert let the kids stay up last night to watch fireworks (but only at our house. He said we could see the city's above the trees. More like sort of through the trees. There were a lot in our neighborhood, and he even bought a couple. Both the kids thought it was the best night ever. He even caught a firefly and handed it to me. He worried he might have been a bit rough catching it, but it flew away when it was done. I held magic! But I've been very tired, and I'm not catching up on sleep. I keep waking Tempest to get her to the bathroom, rather than relying on her non-functioning internal alarm. She went to gymnastics with the team again, allowed to work out with them, on Monday morning (her regular class was cancelled). And her coach was loud and it scared her a bit but she may have gotten over it. But she wouldn't get on the beam at all without the mats underneath it, so she's just really not ready and those two things solidified it for her coach. And me. I also wonder if something changed for Tempest during that time, because she was exhausted when she was done (1.5 hours of strength training will do that to a girl) but she wouldn't say. She says she still wants to do the team. but, I don't know how to read that shift at this moment. Dilbert has been home since midday Friday. And he wants to clean. He's also got a new codex that he's running all of the movies through to save space - and some of them we haven't watched since the last new codec a few years ago. And he spends all his time running down there to check on it, and I don't even know what to think. He's excited about saving space, great. But... Does it all have to be done this week? The only thing it isn't getting in the way with is the cleaning. And at some point I just have to sit down because my ankle still isn't healed, and I hate it. Saturday I got an email from the PiYo people - and they're changing the teacher certification something or other in a very confusing way and then they took a 4 day weekend. I hope I can call them about it tomorrow. Now I'm a little worried I can't teach that for the foreseeable future, either. But I'm going to get details before I throw in the towel. Dogbert is not wanting to jump on the cleaning game, as usual, but Tempest is trying hard. Except my mother took Tempest this morning, and she'll be back tomorrow. I sat in his room and told him what to do to clean up for maybe an hour? Maybe longer. But he eventually did it after trying to wiggle out of it. I can't do it for him. It's really rough. Dilbert also bought a new brand of hot dogs, and they're a different color and a different length and Dogbert decided he didn't like them. Like, more than it's worth to talk him into eating them. But Dilbert got frustrated and he seems to have fixed it for now? But the frustration was on many things and of course he took them all on at once with the poor kid. *shakes head* No wonder I'm exhausted. Because then he leaves me for the codex and I have to try to keep going. And he says this is the brand we're buying from now on because it's so much cheaper. Then Dilbert thought it'd be fun to go to a movie. But there are two movies the kids will love out this week: Cars 3 and Despicable Me 3. (We saw Wonder Woman Sunday night for date night.) Mom said she'd take Tempest to Cars 3, but I said we were gonna do that on Thursday and she says, well, I took them to Moana a second time and they were fine. So i texted her to see if she was going there, and she eventually texted back - after we bought tickets for Cars, that they saw DM3 (her phone autocorrected to Disputable Me, which was amusing). So now Dilb and I are trying to figure out how to fix that among the kids. So we might split up and each take one to a movie they didn't see. Wonder woman was amazing. Cars 3 is really good- better than 2, right up there with the original, I think. (Maybe 2 just has too much Mater for me.) And... teaching two extra classes this week (tai chi and pilates). Then I saw the schedule for that 300 hr yoga add-on to get me to the 500 hr certification. I truly don't understand why we have to make it all work within 5 months, but it seems both 200 and 300 in this area are built that way. But the schedule is every other weekendish, 3 hours Fri night, 11 hrs Sat, 11 hrs Sun, 3 hrs Mon night - there are make-up hours on Thurs eve and there will be additional hours to be scheduled on Wednesdays or Sundays. This is the program with the same guy who just did my 15 hour brain explosion a week or so ago. And those hours on Sat and Sun begin at 5am. I... I don't know that I am up to that. I am almost positive my family isn't. And it makes me so sad I dared to dream I could. |
| Tempest took her shot at the gymnastics team today. I don't think she realized they invited her for a tryout. She's close - a strong maybe. She says "i'm scared" a lot, and she can't quite do a back handspring by herself on the floor. But all the other girls are 10-18, and she's 8. Which everyone has trouble believing because she looks like a six year old. The coach likes her- her strength is good and she has energy. [Coach was worried that 2.5 hours of class would be too much for my girl to take. T did great that way.] I have a favorable opinion of the coach. T cried a bit after we got into the car. I repeated the good things coach said about T, and that she did a good job. I understand being sad, but I also told her it might be to see what she does with the disappointment - does she quit or does she work harder? She says she's going to work harder. That's my girl! Dogbert has been off with my mom this morning, because 2.5 hours is a long class. I'm sure he's having a good time. Dilbert said it wasn't worth teaching my Monday class for that, to go to Milan, back to Bettendorf, back to Milan, back to home. (Home is 5 min from the B'dorf Y, and Milan is 20 min away. So we'd trek to gymnastics, turn around and go back to the Y, then I teach my 45 min class - arrive at Y approx 9:50, class at 10:15 to 11, then back to gymnastics leaving by 11:30 to pick her up at 12. And somewhere in there i'd prefer to shower. Dogbert could hang at the Y, as long as they still allow him in Y-pals. I told him it wouldn't be that long, maybe for summer and that was it. She's not even on the team yet, so I guess we can worry another day. Would've been so nice if that girl had taken me up on grabbing this class for the summer, right? Oh well. Still on my quest of personal improvement. Looking at changing diet to remove sugar - my last real vice - and while I'm not going to get rid of all of it, I'd like to have some options that are healthier that way. Like oatmeal instead of poptarts for breakfast, right? And not with a bunch of brown sugar sprinkled over the whole mess. It's far from a perfect no-sugar diet, but it's at least better. See how I feel with that. Also on the list - probiotics, a specific yoga practice that involves gut-brain and brain health, and adding in meditation, a breath practice, an possibly a mudra. Nothing big, right? But it is going to be a change where I am mindful about it. I haven't done that in a long time, and it's an important change. I feel a little bad I didn't do yoga when I got out of bed this morning despite all the hours I've spent researching this weekend. However, I have a bit of time this afternoon and I'm going to be continuing to find this path. It's important - maybe no-more-antidepressants-important. (and i mean, like, ever.) As a side note, the more I read the yoga books the more I feel I need a better handle on Sanskrit. I'm also working on Habit RPG (called Habitica now but wasn't the first time I downloaded it) to keep track of a few things. I've also reintroduced Duolingo in the last couple weeks. Only Spanish at the moment, but that could easily change. I feel like I have a good idea right now. Watch it just morph into a story on me. My teacher this weekend knew the sci-fi lingo. So when I said grok was the third (manipura) chakra, he got it. He said prana was the force, and thank you George Lucas for giving us that in pop culture (paraphrased) and he pulled out LOTR by calling a bunch of people where he's from (Sedona, Arizona) like Lothlorien Elves. Next up: asana! |
| I think I'm on the edge of an epiphany. It's the yoga, it's the training, and it's the July thing converging. I'll be looking through several different references to see how I can accomplish this, but I have an idea, and please cross your fingers to see if it works. |
| Apparently Smarmy still is bothering me, and I haven't seen him again since Wednesday. Dilbert and I are both very tired today. I took a short nap - Dogbert woke me many times last night. Dilbert took a few hour nap (3? more?). The kids weren't too bad. the gifts were just okay. But *sigh* Dilbert is very worried about the housework. And it seems I'm not at home much at all. I'm worried. I think I feel July coming on. But it's something more. I've got a couple inklings of stories but they won't come out. I can't bring myself to edit - even the promo piece for my yoga class is daunting. What's wrong with me? Did I lose my writing connection? ICON updates came, and I have to have something together by August, I know it. So, first chapter of Next Jane, even though I haven't opened it in months? Something else? I feel like such a poser, the writer who can't anymore. I keep thinking of all the things i need to do, and I just don't have it, especially in the summer. Photogirl got a job and I'm watching her kids sometimes and she's watching mine. After a few weeks, the west Y has decided to allow 8 yr olds in child watch so Tempest (and other staff children) feel more welcome. But there's a bratty kid who acts like she owns the place, and the child watch staff are all fawning on her because though she's 8 they've known her their entire lives. The rules don't apply to her. She interrupted my class and I didn't appreciate it at all, but I tried to be polite when I took it up with her. Somehow I have to get connected. |
| Most of this year I've been procrastinating editing with something - whether it was Duolingo and languages or - more recently - a bunch of stupid games that I had stopped playing but now have reemerged. The games annoy me because there's literally nothing to get out of it. At least languages I could pretend I had some enrichment, and occasionally it overflowed into my stories of what was a specific point in a society. Like in Swahili they ask how is the morning, how is the day, and not how are you - which is quite a loaded question unless you follow the regular script and just say fine. But fine doesn't give any information at all, and half the time (at least) it is a lie. Feels like a meaningless question. Perhaps that's just my brain rebelling at summer. The first full week of summer kicked my butt. We biked 3 days at 7ish in the morning, I taught my regular 7 classes plus went to krav and kali (but missed tai chi to help a friend take her rv to rockford - which was another crazy early morning though we didn't bike). And I fell asleepish in front of the tv at 830 friday night. We also started swim lessons and a tumbling class so there is something going on every day m-f. And M is the only day (gymnastics where we miss swim lessons) where it's only Z that has something. S's mother drives me crazy when she asks what Tempest is doing and then says "oh, S does that." Then piles on all the other things that S does. And at this point, all I'm wondering is what her younger child does. Because Dogbert has his own thing, and I don't know how anyone could keep up with all of that. S is currently in track, gymnastics, and soccer but not swim lessons because "she's a fish" which is as far as the Y does lessons at that place without going to swim team. G has transitioned to swim team, and she rides a horse. Her mother doesn't compete with me, and I love asking how her kid is doing because of that. She answers and asks in kind. Oh. right- i don't hang out with S's mother anymore except when lunching with G's mom. All I have to listen to is how much Tempest misses S. She misses a lot of people lately. Dogbert is nearly out of training wheels, I think. but Tempest? Nope. She's scared of someone being behind her and falling over and going too fast. I do not know how to help her with this. She dove into the water at swim lessons for the first time this week. She has stopped saying she's scared in the pool, which is great. But the bike is not her thing at all. I have managed, barely, to keep up with my words. I haven't read much this month yet but I think I'll get there. So the question is how to edit. I can't go to book club or the other writer's club this week because Dilbert is out of town. Still trying to plan on krav and kali at least once because I need to work on my stamina. I could barely do anything last thursday. But I feel like if I take a week off, then I'm really going to miss out. So - Dilbert leaves tonight and returns Thursday. I need to change my goals around and be ready for the week ahead. Plus make changes like ditch the stupid games. I don't remember when I last duo'd, and that i kinda miss. I also sort of volunteered to have two extra kids for three afternoons this week, and I'm not sure how that's going to go just yet. I don't have a car big enough for all that. |
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