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A continuation of my original blog, "Surviving Motherhood". |
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Welcome to my world of middle school, high school, and motherhood. The life of a mom is never easy, especially as children grow, and especially when you have a special needs child. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| So, for the first part, the apathy...I don't understand it. Cookie season is here, and I'm just.Ugh. I can't wrap my head around it and make it as urgent as I need it to be. Things are coming, things are needing to be picked up, and signed off for. I haven't heard anything from anyone since initial order went in. I haven't heard from my ACM, from council, from anyone. So I'm just kinda sitting here, going, what am I supposed to do now? Crazy time is coming. They know it, I know it...but I just can't seem to get myself prepared for it. Does this mean I think I'm always prepared, or it's not as hard as people think it is? I dunno. Maybe? Probably not. Usually I'm so psyched around this time, making my booth tally notebook, etc. but I just can't seem to get there these days, and I don't know why. I feel like this whole GS season has been off. We haven't really gotten much of anything done. I feel bad, but I don't know how to fix it really, except bring out the book and start working from there again...we're not even finished with journey yet, which is what I really wanted to do. We need to work on that sometime, get it over with so the girls wanting to pursue their Silver don't have to be held back from my fuck up. Anywho... I was talking to Don the other day about how for some reason, getting the kids to school on time this year is so much easier. I'm not sure why, considering I'm up at 6 am, which is not conducive to Jamie awake time. Somehow though, I pull it off, get her ready to go to school, set her up, get him up, set him up, and then I go back to bed if I'm tired still, and if not, just go downstairs. I guess because they leave around the same times now, makes it that much easier on me. Didn't see that one coming. Ease makes me happy. I get aggravated how I have to go pick her up from the bus stop, but honestly, she's the only one I get, and I don't even go all the way. I guess I just want to not have to get out of pj's and go outside at all. Gotta keep moving. Everything moves, so should I. |
| My birthday has come and passed, and with it, I am another year older and I suppose wiser. To be honest, ever since my 21st birthday, I haven't seen much of a difference that each year makes, sans the worst year of my life in the winter of 2005. Spring and summer more than made up for it though. It's so interesting how a few months in a year can change everything. Looking back now, I'd have to say that winter of 2004 was one of the worst of my married and child rearing life, but 2005 was a life changing year. Who knows what could be a life changing year? Sometimes they spout it out into the open air and let everyone around them know "this is a life changing year! Don't forget it!" and sometimes they stand silent until that life changing happens, and you can see it from the other side. I knew this school year was going to be a life changing one for the kids, and we've done well with it so far. That in itself was something I was hoping we were going to have a semi-decent time achieving. So far, so good. There are other things to be had though, that constitute as life changing. For starters, my new regimen for my diabetes. They took me off Lantus, which was doing me wonders, and put me on Basaglar , which doesn't seem to be working as well. It's kind of fitful for me, and it frustrates me to no end how this stupid insulin pen is supposed to fix things the way the separate needle did. I'm having severe issues with the pen, especially for the fact that it doesn't go up the dosage that my prescriber put me on. That right there makes me mad. I'm not a very big fan of these pen needles to begin with. All in all, I can't see this as being a productive way to sustain my life. I will if I have to, and that's what it comes down to, but to be honest, it's a lot of suffering and work all for little to no justification. Both my general practitioner and my endocrinologist have begun to suggest talking gastric bypass and bariatric surgery. I'm of a couple of minds about this. The first thing they're going to ask me to do is lose 30 lbs. The other thing they're going to ask me to do is get my pdoc to talk with me about it. I already let him know that both doctors want me to look into this, and he said he has no problems running the mental health check for this for me. At that point, it would be meeting with a dietitian, a nutritionist, both doctors, and the surgeon that would be performing this. This would be LIFE altering. I would literally be changing my entire life, from the way I eat, to the way I sleep, to the way I go to the bathroom. What I consume, how much I consume, how often I consume...this would change all of it. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a bad way. For better or worse, this surgery would change me forever. There's no going back. Both doctors say that there would be a lot of positives for me, such as the possibility of getting off needles altogether, and getting off my cholesterol medicine altogether. Exercising would be a lot easier, which I would appreciate as well. Right now, walking is getting me out of breath, and it really upsets me. In the last few months, I've gained a significant amount of weight, and because of it have had trouble keeping my sugar under certain numbers, sleeping, walking, exercising, etc. I rely on being self sufficient, so having all these drawbacks is killing me, probably literally. I can't foresee myself having to go on like this in order to live a healthy life, so even though I'm scared, I might look into this surgery a little more seriously than I would before. I want to be around for my kids. They need me still. } |
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