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A continuation of my original blog, "Surviving Motherhood". |
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Welcome to my world of middle school, high school, and motherhood. The life of a mom is never easy, especially as children grow, and especially when you have a special needs child. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Holy jeebus, I'm drowning in schedules. It's never been this bad before. I've never been inundated with so many things in such small amounts of time before. When he was in middle school, and she was in elementary school, everything seemed so manageable, and there weren't a million things going on. Moving up to high school really ramps shit up, and I'm struggling to breathe and catch up as the marathon's begun. I didn't get proper 5k training for this, and now I'm out of gas with stitches in my ribs. High school doesn't fuck around, my friends. Middle school now seems more ramped up than elementary school ever was. In elementary school, there was such a sweet, smooth, slow lullaby motion to it. Everything in due time, all the little ones will be okay. All the sudden it's "kids have this, this and this. There's a school dance on Friday. We have a Girl Scout meeting and a field trip on so and so, and yeah, there was a high school chorus dinner on Wednesday and also SMYOC on Monday and omg you have so much homework and omg I need to figure this out, and OMG SHIT I SIGNED UP FOR A GIRL SCOUT OUTING THIS WEEKEND I FORGOT ABOUT..." I have a semi-new fangled iPod touch. I am quite happy I own this, because it now houses my brain. I kid you not, AT LEAST 2 things EVERY WEEK. There is no week the rest of this entire year where we don't have something scheduled. There are numerous times where we are triple booked for the day, leaving to head to the next thing, and then the next thing, and then the next thing, and then eventually into a bed to pass out and try recoup. I've always tried to make it so the kids didn't have a million different extra curricular activities. We dabbled in both Girl Scouts and gymnastics, but Girl Scouts ultimately won over, and we just haven't had the time or the money for gymnastics. We put Ryan in soccer, but his main focus has been band, and he's joined a couple of things because of it, so now soccer is by the wayside this season while we all try to work in the schedules we now have. It's a constant, it's non-stop. I have yet to get a break yet. I don't even think the kids have properly gotten a break yet. I feel like collapsing. I can only imagine how much worse this would be if we did keep up with soccer and gymnastics. My mind can't even fathom that right now. How are the kids taking it, you ask? Quite well actually. I'm the one burnt out already. Ryan just tells me where he needs to be for how long and what days, and I try to get him there, and then i have to contend with where she needs to be at what time and on what day, and try to get her there to that, and then I have to remember all the appointments I have as well and try to move those in on what the kids have going, and omg. It's all too much. Trying to figure out this damn calendar is stressful, and I feel like my attention is diverted from putting in any extra thought or effort to getting tasks accomplished. There is literally nothing at this point in time that's getting my best effort. I'm running ragged and struggling to keep up. My health is currently having its ups and downs. New doctors, new regimens. New regimens, new issues. New issues, new medications. So on and so forth. My body has seemed to acquire more mass than it had before, and is proving a bigger struggle than I thought it would be. It's kind of throwing a wrench in my plans, and though I know in the long run this is going to make me healthier, it's also making things harder to do right now, as if I wasn't struggling enough. I am not even prepared for my fantasy hockey league. Do you see what kind of fuckery this is!? I'm not even prepared for my fantasy hockey team!! And I am ALWAYS prepared for that!! I have had absolutely NO TIME to research draft picks that will fit my cap budget. I have crickets over here folks. My draft is Sunday night. You tell me what's gonna happen here, cause my guess is that I'm not drafting, and I will house two holes where two right wings should be, and two holes on where two defensemen should be. I would say this would be enough to get me to stop what I'm doing right now and start looking, but it's not! Why?!? Because I have a Girl Scout meeting I need to plan for tomorrow night, as well as a Girl Scout camping trip I need to pack for this weekend. Guess what gets put at the back of the stove? Yup. And then Don wonders why I'm so damn stressed out when he comes home. Ugh. I'm tense. I need a nap. |
| Babysitting a 3 month old was quite an adventure, let me tell you. I forgot just how needy babies are. They can't do anything for themselves, including entertaining themselves, so it's up to you to keep them occupied before the screaming starts. They have no real methods of communication, so you're left guessing what the problem could be. There are only so many options to try before it gets to the point where you find something that works, but by that time, they may have lost their shit. I'm comforted by the fact that both Don and I remember how to handle the rodeo still (albeit we're very rusty), and also, the babysitting adventure was a snapshot into a baby we don't really know much about. I'm going to safely assume that by the time my kids were 3 months themselves, we were well rehearsed into their schedules and needs, much like I'm sure his parents are. All in all, it was an interesting and fun adventure. Ryan was more interested in the baby than Journey was, and Dixon was very affronted that such a small creature could overthrow his cuteness title in the house. I wonder if Journey and Dixon ever think they'll be replaced? Heaven knows I've told them both numerous times that they're the last "baby" and "kitty boy" to come through the door. Most times this is enough to get big grins and sighs of relief. I guess babysitting is a threat to their paradise LOL. I'm starting to wonder if I'm cut out to lead a large group of Cadette girls. 11 and 12 year olds seem kind of harsh...do I have what it takes to put my foot down and keep things sailing smoothly? I'm afraid that I'm going to get walked over, or that I'm going to lose them. Parenting my two kids is way different than "parenting" my 10 other girls. I feel like I don't have enough life experience to go through with this and help build them to where they need to be. What if I'm doing this all wrong? We were at the county fair being building guards, which this year I'm so thrilled that 4 of my girls signed up. We would've had 2 more, but I was told 2 adults and 3 girls max. It ended up being 4 girls and 1 adult, which I guess isn't bad...but, I swear people probably thought I was doing a shit job keeping the girls together and doing what they were supposed to do. I try to wrangle them in, I really do. They get wild, and they go crazy, and I don't know how to calm them down properly from losing their shit and going wild and wrecking things. How do I go from being a good adviser and mentor to being a guard and drilling discipline? Two of them were giving me hassle because they wanted to be on their phones, and I had to get them to put their phones away. One of them was fine about it...the other...omg. Fight to the death. It's always my same one too. I love her so much, she's like a daughter to me, but she pushes her limits ALL the time. I don't know how to get her to straighten out. It drives me crazy, and I'm left trying to keep her under control, and then they all see she's going crazy so they go crazy too. I dunno what to do. I'm tempted to sit down and talk to her mother, because I can't handle this anymore. I feel like I'm doing a poor job of leading this troop when stuff like that goes down. I don't have the quick quips and fixes that most people to do get this worked out. I suck at this. I need to find someone to get advice from. That would be totally helpful. So far, school is going good for both the kids. Journey is highly enjoying middle school, which I'm thrilled about. Any time it's a positive experience for her, I'm all about it. She says math class is her most enjoyable subject right now. I'm happy to hear that. I never want to put my own hang ups on my kids, so even though I had a horrible middle school experience, I'm so happy to hear that my kids so far have not. I'm glad Ryan's past that point now, and I'm glad things are looking okay for Journey for now. I'll keep an eye on the future to make sure everything's going alright, but for now, I think we're good. Ry is swimming along in high school okay for now. He totally bombed a few things in biology, but his grade is still a B. I need him to pay better attention and be more focused. I'm kind of glad that his computer isn't working right now, because that means he's at less of a chance to try and play Rocket League instead of doing his school work. We still have yet to hear about the fees he has to pay for his band and chorus, as the teachers and I were working things out, but they haven't responded back to me since. I hope to find out soon. Other than that, things are swimming along. We're trying to be able to afford what we can right now, which is proving much harder than I thought it would be. So much going on right now. I hope we make it through alright. |
| Time seems to be moving in weird ways these days. The first week of school was only 4 days long, and yet it felt like it took eternity to end. This week has been 5 days, the first full week, and even though it's gone by very quickly in my opinion, it still feels as though this should be the end of September, not the middle. There's much happening these days. School is underway, and both Ryan and Journey are doing great so far. I'm especially pleased with Journey, as she seems to be taking to middle school quite well. It's served as a positive experience so far, and I'm very thrilled to hear this so far. She's doing quite well in her classes as well, and sees her caseworker every day in two of her classes. She also has three aides in classes she's in as well, which makes me thrilled also. The school is taking her IEP very seriously, and I appreciate that immensely. It helps to know that they've got aides and her caseworker is almost always there as well to help out. The great thing is, she's not the only one with an IEP in these classes-other kids with IEPs are in her classes with her as well. Hence the reason her caseworker is there with all of them, and they have aides in the classrooms. It gives me peace of mind to know that this is happening for her. They will help her succeed the best she can, and I appreciate that. So far, Ryan's doing a bang up job on high school. He's in all honors and AP classes, so I was concerned about how well he would handle his workload. So far, he's doing well, and I'm pleased to see that. I worry about him and how heavy the workload is, but he seems to be doing okay, and that's what matters most. I told him if he's doing well by spring, we can put him back in soccer for the season. Currently, he is without his clarinet. We had to take it to the shop to get fixed, but hopefully it's a small fix and a small cost as well. We're hoping to get back as soon as possible, but for now, his band class and the youth orchestra will have to wait. I just hope he doesn't get docked for not having his instrument. We are going to be babysitting a 3 month old here this weekend. I'm very eager to see if I still have baby watching capabilities now that my kids are older. I also like the idea of the kids being introduced to a baby, and I'm very curious to see how Dixon is going to take to him. He sounds like a pretty relaxed little fellow, so we'll see what this weekend holds. |
| Tomorrow is the last day of freedom for the kids. Starting this year, they will be returning to school after Labor Day, which is tomorrow. The open houses were insane. I regret that we went to the 6th grade one, but in my defense, I thought we had to. I mean, I suppose we did, but I didn't really get anything out of it that I couldn't have gotten at another time. At any rate, when all is said and done, she's quite ready to go. I hope the A/B day schedule doesn't mess with her too much. I'm kinda pissed that I didn't get to meet with her case manager while we were being herded about the school to find things, but hopefully she has some news for me after the end of Tuesday. If I don't get answers, I will go into that school myself and ask. The good news is, she's with Grace in about 4 classes, and that makes me really happy. It also made Melissa really happy too. I hope the girls can stick together. I know that a couple of my other girls are on the same team (they split the grades into two teams, 6-1 and 6-2, and continue to do it up to 8th grade), but different teachers, and I know a couple of my other girls are on the other team. I hate that they're all separated from each other, but hopefully we can all get back together when we start meeting again. I'm currently waiting for approval to start meeting at the middle school. That's a story for another day though. Journey seems very eager about her classes. I'm excited for her. A bit nervous, but excited. I hope her days go well. I hope she gets a case worker that works well with her. I hope they follow her IEP. I hope she remembers to go to the nurses office and take her medicine. I'm nervous, but I think she'll do great. Going to Ryan's proved extremely necessary. The school is humongous, there are only 2 floors, but there's 6 staircases that lead from each side of the building. There's an A side of the building, and a B side of the building, and then there's the C side, and then the trailers outside, and sometimes when you think you're in the A side, you're actually in the B side, and sometimes the B side spills out to the end of the A side...heavens. Ryan gets the fun of trudging up and down the staircases every day to follow his schedule. It's funny, because at first I was upset that Ryan won't be playing soccer this season, and he also opted out of taking a gym class this year. After walking his schedule twice, I'm pretty sure he's going to get an excellent dose of cardio every day. This makes me happy and relieved. When we attended Ryan's open house, there were some upperclassmen in the halls, ready to help any freshmen that were looking for a particular room or area. Ryan was a bit lost looking for his biology class. A very wonderful upperclassmen took a look at his schedule with him to find out what room number, then looked at his schedule once more and quipped "Dang, you're smart!". I couldn't help but beam. Ryan is very academically gifted. His classes consist of Certificate of Merit classes, Honors, and AP (or Pre-AP, as in the case of his Language Arts class, as freshmen aren't allowed to take an AP ELA course.) He's got some hard courses ahead of him, but hopefully he does well and can keep up. We also ran into the high school band member that Ryan's old band teacher wanted Ryan to talk to. He's also a clarinetist, and is usually first chair in all tri-county and all county honors bands. He was happy to meet Ryan, and give him some pointers on being in band through high school. I'm not sure if they play together or not, and I'm not sure if he's a junior or a senior this year, but I think there's a lot of things that Ryan can learn from him. He grinned when he met Ryan and shook his hand, and told him "Your band teacher told me I needed to watch out for you!", which is a HIGH compliment from his former band teacher. He was signed up to take chorus this year as well, because he's a performing arts academy student, and the chorus teacher was thrilled to meet one of the academy students. I take it there's not a lot of them for the performing arts in band and chorus. I know there's a whole bunch of them for theater. I do think that chorus is going to do wonders with his breathing techniques, and help him gain better breathing and air flow for when he plays his clarinet. I hope that helps him. Ryan also made it into the youth orchestra once more. He practiced his piece pretty well, and he made it in again. Not to say that Ryan isn't talented, as he is EXTREMELY talented, but we've managed to catch some breaks, as clarinet is usually a gateway instrument into other instruments, such as the saxophone. Since Ryan has made his clarinet his home base instrument, there are a lot more doors opening for him, because it's hard to find good clarinetists. Bands and orchestras alike are always looking for good clarinetists, but they're very hard to find, as usually when someone gets good at clarinet, they ditch it for a different instrument, and kind of forget about playing clarinet altogether. We will get our last few days of relaxation in, and then Tuesday, we start a new chapter. Mother to a middle schooler and a high schooler. Never realized the day would come so fast. |
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