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 |  A blog for all things personal, informational, educational, and fun. |
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Here at my personal blog Thoughts & Things, I share a wide variety of, you guessed it, thoughts and things. Anything that sparks my interest is up for discussion. For those who are uncertain of what that might cover, I'll generally talk about reading, writing, books, movies, music, games, history, current events, and feminism. I talk about my personal emotional and health struggles from time to time. I'm also a big fan of lists. This is the place here at WDC where you can get to know me best, as I talk about the things that interest me, impact me, and amuse me. |
| After an unexpected month in the hospital, my dad passed away this week. The funeral is over with. I can move on with my life now. But can I? Earlier this year (late May), we also lost my grandma (my dad's mum). I am still grieving for the loss of my grandma, and I can't imagine that going away any time soon. Now I don't have my dad either. To say this has been a rough year for me personally would be an understatement. I miss my dad. When I was a little girl, we were very close, and I adored him. When I was twelve, he went to Afghanistan, and he wasn't the same dad after. My teenage years with him were incredibly painful, and I think there was a lot of regret on my side and on his. Now that I am in my twenties, we have had a much easier relationship. It's not the relationship of my childhood, but it has been comfortable. (As a side note, my mum practically shared custody with my grandma all through my teenage years because after my parents split my dad wasn't really around, which is part of what made losing her so hard). I am glad that my dad and I have been closer over the last few years, and especially the last few months. I am hurting for him that his last few weeks were so hard. He went into the hospital for abdominal pain and a fever, and ended up needing surgery for an intestinal perforation (a hole through his intestine). When they opened him up, they found that he had severe infection, a tumour the size of a cantaloupe in his colon, and smaller tumours in his liver. They couldn't even close him right away due to swelling, and his surgical incision remained open for over a week following the initial surgery. He had four surgeries total. He began to have complications that caused kidney failure and breathing trouble. Initially we had hope for years. Then months. The complications took him from us in less than a month from the time he entered the hospital. At this point, I think we are all still processing. Grief has led to poor actions on the part of many, which has left me feeling a bit rejected by much family, particularly by my dad's wife and his sister. We are all just trying not to fall apart. I am remembering many things, especially from my childhood, very fondly. I inherited photo albums from my grandmother, so I found some lovely photos of myself as an infant and as a toddler with my dad. I remember watching cartoons with him. I remember the best foods he made. I remember going camping. I remember learning first aid (he was an instructor). I remember snorkeling over a ship wreck in Georgian Bay. I remember the post cards he would bring me or send me from all the places he went to with the military because he knew I collected them. I remember watching endless superhero stuff with him. I don't know how to grieve for two people at once. I don't know how to grieve for one person. It hurts. For anyone wondering why I have neglected to update my blog recently, this is why. It's hard to know what to say when it hurts so much. I hope I can do more writing now though. I may have talked about cartoons and reading as medicine, but let's not neglect the quality medicine that writing offers us all here at WDC. |
| Lately, I have been struggling. I have struggled with everything. Other than my own health problems, which make life extremely complicated for me, my father has been in the hospital for the last few weeks and it's not looking good. Although things have fallen apart, I have poetry to read, and it has provided me with more solace than words can say. I have compiled this list of poetry books that make for good reading when the times are bad. (Note: I have avoided including novels in verse.) Hard Times Require Furious Dancing by Alice Walker I currently have this volume checked out of the library. It's the first thing I have read by Alice Walker. I haven't even finished reading it yet, but I don't need to be finished to recommend it. The title says it all. While I am not in love with every poem, the poems I am in love with are pure perfection. This poetry volume came to me when I needed it most, as though fate intervened. Hard times do require furious dancing, but they also require reading these poems. And Still I Rise by Maya Angelou Maya Angelou is a brilliant poet. This is by far her best poetry volume, filled with poems that make you think and feel. This is the kind of poetry that absorbs you, no matter what state your life is in. If you aren't sure that you want to read poetry, find Angelou's reading of the titular poem on youtube. The Children's Classic Poetry Collection, edited by Nicola Baxter This particular volume is filled with some of the best classic poems out there. This is the poetry I grew up reading. This is the poetry that made me love poetry. I know that no matter the mood, this volume contains something I need. No matter how hard things get, this volume is filled with pure comfort. October Mourning: A Song for Matthew Shepard by Leslea Newman If you are in need of catharsis, this poetry collection can provide it. I don't think I have ever cried as hard while reading poetry as I did when reading this book. It may not describe the situation I am in, but when I need a vehicle for my emotions, I know I can rely on these poems to channel all of my negative feelings. Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein Shel Silverstein generally offers the purest form of poetic escapism, and Where the Sidewalk Ends is the defining book for that pure poetic escapism. Sometimes the best thing to do with yourself is to allow yourself time to escape to a place that is filled with something other than pain. You have the right to feel better for five minutes, and Silverstein can help get you there. |
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I hate sad endings. They make the best stories though. I guess I'll make reading William Shakespeare my New Year Resolution for next year or something I'd write for Dear Me 2018.