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Because I usually am in Vino ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** In 2009, I gave up my studies as a medievalist and musician, left my home, my family, my life and moved to Provence in southern France for a guy. In 2012, I moved away from him to study wine. Today, I'm a vagabond sommelier working in Paris at one of the oldest and most famous restaurants in the world, struggling to find some purpose to what I deem the rest of my life. I'm still married and after 8 10 years, I'm still trying to fit-in with French life and culture and to understand why the French are the way they are. Because they're weird in a different way that I think Americans are weird. Perhaps it's me who's weird. |
| I never came forward about the abuse and above all the sexual assault I suffered at Rabanel's. Even though everyone there knew something was up, knew there was something seriously wrong with the way the maître d'hôtel treated me, no one did anything and I was too weak, felt too powerless to stop it. And now I see that same ugly, alcoholic face being touted as the head sommelier of a world-renowned restaurant. Giving interviews, getting recognition and moving onward and upward while every day I have to face down the marks of trauma his abuse left on me. Some days I can forget about it. Some days I can put it aside and move past. But some days I can't. And picking up a copy of a hospitality magazine and seeing his face on the table of contents this afternoon was just traumatizing beyond words. He doesn't deserve his job. He doesn't deserve his post. He doesn't deserve any recognition at all. What he deserves is to face the shame of what he did to me, what I have no doubt he did to other women and to face the consequences of his actions. But that will never happen. I live in a country, in a society where men like him are put above women. Where they can do no wrong and the women VICTIMS are just hysterics and sluts and "gonzesses" who have no place, no right to accuse a man of putting their dick where it wasn't wanted. If shouted to the world how this fuckhead treated me, I would be the one fined, sued, and possibly jailed for defamation. I would be the one to lose my reputation, my job, and any credibility. And he would continue on just as before. So I can't. And that makes me rage inside. Because the laws in this country, in France, bend towards the side of the accused and not towards the victim. So when people ask me why I hate France. Why I hate French men. Why I have no faith in this country or its system or any of the people who claim France is so great - this is why. Because even if I had come forward when it had happened it would have been my word against his and he would have been backed by our boss, another famous chef who wouldn't have wanted the bad publicity. All I can do is come forward here. Because I don't have any place else. |
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I think it's awesome that you're using that negative experience to get creative. It's hard not to just wallow when those things happen. I use a paper journal for most of my actual coping process too, but I do share bits and pieces on WDC as well.
Might try a short story a day instead. Stay safe. 
