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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 14:43 I get a day to myself! YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I'm so happy! With it being the holidays and both of us having to endure each other all day every day, I think my son and I were starting to go mad. I get so fed up with him and I don't like getting out of the house so I don't take him out every day. That affects both of us. But, for today, his dad has taken him to visit some far-away relatives. I would have gone too but I've a headache and my back has been bothering me so I didn't think I'd be able to endure two hours cooped up in the car. But, onto the good stuff! With this blog entry done and dusted, that'll be three things crossed off my checklist. I have three other activities to do and then I'm free for the day! I'm thinking of a Netflix marathon - I started watching another K-drama last night and it's looking good so far. I'm a little bit stuck on my short story still. I've not been giving it the time it deserves so I thought I'd try to get at least a thousand words down before the day is up. I'll try to do that after I've finished this entry. I'm not thinking enough about my stories. I'm so lazy! I don't know what else to write about. I appear to have developed a YouTube addiction, and I hate it. Why don't phones come with the option of deleting some of the less-useful apps? My God! Ever since I decided that I definitely want a cat, I've been watching cat videos and they just keep on coming. I can't resist! That's eleven minutes. I'm so tired. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 20:49 I have been putting off coming on the computer today, for a couple of reasons. One, I spent ages on it last night and my back was hurting a lot in the morning. Two, I'm trying (and failing) to potty train my son. I've removed his nappy and so I have to keep an eye on him in case he leaks and I'm not attentive enough to realise. I need a break from this! If people had told me motherhood was this annoying, I would have said "No, thank you!" He just does not seem to get the concept of weeing in the toilet, despite showing plenty of signs that he's ready. He's done number two in the loo a few times now, but he won't tell me if he needs to go and he'll do it in his pants instead. We clearly have a long way to go! I'm keeping up with the checklist, but there isn't much on it today. Of the five activities on there, I've done four (including this one), and the last entry only reads "story". I have no idea which story I had in mind for that. I've begun work on the Elementals series. I'm trying to come up with the air Elemental's backstory but though the idea of her living in a city in the sky (like a large scale Laputa) is very appealing and all, I just don't feel like I'm very interested as it is at the moment. I guess I'll just have to keep writing and smooth out the edges. Ideas don't pop into writers' heads fully formed, after all. I enjoyed writing Child of the Water because I'd already done a story set on the ocean floor, featuring merfolk, so I took elements from that and was able to experiment and come up with something I thought was cool. But that took some work too, when I started it. I need to learn to keep to an idea rather than jumping to the next shiny one that pops into my head. Twelve minutes! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Time: 19:29 I'm a bit late today, as I've been out all day. My niece had a birthday party to go to at a...I don't even know what to call it. A leisure park, I guess? With a ski slope, trampolining, arcades, and places to eat. So while my niece went there, the rest of us went around the shops. But the first order of business, of course, was to fill our bellies! With dessert! We went to this Italian place and, by God, their gelato was delicious! I had a white chocolate swirl, with this scrumptious blood orange sauce. It was to die for! I'm wondering when I'll get to go again. I'm having dinner while I'm typing so I might not get as much done as usual - I know, the horror! How dare I bring food and drink near the computer! I've not had a proper meal all day so I'm trying to multitask lol. Because of the day out, my checklist is not even halfway done. Speaking of the checklist, I'm really glad I've managed to abide by it every day this past week. It's helped curb my laziness a bit and I don't spend hours and hours on Netflix. I sat down to watch a movie last night because I'd ticked off all the activities on the checklist and I felt a little guilty because I'd have much rather been doing something productive than sitting on my ass watching crappy rom-coms. This lamb biryani I'm eating is delicious! That's eleven minutes! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Time: 11:20 SO I want to try out the idea of writing my blog from my character's POV and their response to everyday things. I haven't planned it or anything so here goes! Aoi: Work has been slow this morning. Acey keeps on at me about finishing my reports. Never have I met a man who is such a nag. There are no missions for me to do - the few that have come in today have been relatively small so I sent some of the other guys to do them. We've not had word of Franks for several weeks so the case is gathering dust. I wish he'd appear, just to give me something to do. I suppose I could go back home for a while. Aki would be happy to have someone to chatter at. She is becoming very talkative nowadays. I feel like she must have been a lively little girl before her family's deaths. It's great that she's finally comfortable enough around us to talk to us so freely. These past few months, she didn't trust anyone. Going outside anywhere put her on edge. But she's getting used to it now. I often find her wandering around in the street when I return home after work. Haku came home a few nights ago. As usual, I don't think I was quite able to convey my true feelings on the matter. He must think I don't care that he's back. I told him I was glad, but I don't think I used the right words. I don't know how to talk to people, even those closest to me. I don't have it in me to be like the others and welcome him with open arms. I don't trust easily and he broke my trust. I know I also have a part in play in the breaking of that trust, but he is no longer someone of this family. I will treat him like my brother still - he will always be my brother, even if he chooses to leave and never comes back again - but I don't know how different my treatment of him will be after the three year absence. I recognise him as family but he is also an outsider now. Twelve minutes! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Time: 15:16 I think eating those three scrummy chocolates yesterday unleashed the sweet lover in me, and she's thirsting for more. I have opened the gates to hell... I just have a sore sore and I've been coughing a bit, but nothing too bad. Why did I have to have such an enormous sweet tooth? But I don't know what other tasty, grab-and-go, healthy snacks there are that I can eat with a cup of tea. I've not had lunch because I can't be bothered making anything. Terrible, I know. The "lazy" in "LazyWriter" isn't confined to just writing, you know. The story prompt I've been working on this week is due in before the end of today. I did well last night. I started again and got about 3700+ words of my total 5000. So now I just need to write about 1200+. I'm going back to the Elementals story idea I mentioned a few entries back and the short story I did was around one of these "Elementals". It was a good experience as I've not delved into his character much. For the next prompt - if there is another - I'll write about one of the others and then start planning out the story - I told myself I'd give being a "plotter" a try. But really, just having a vague idea of a story climax is usually enough for me to keep going. Writing out chapter summaries annoys me. It sounds so constraining. Is my creativity a dog that I'm putting a leash on it and taking it where I want it to go? That was a sucky analogy. In any case, I'll give it a shot. In other news, I'm thinking maybe I can use my blog to create one-time characters and then pick them up later if I need some inspiration or one of them really stands out. It might be an interesting exercise. Or maybe write entries as different characters. That sounds interesting! I can't imagine the main character of my novel writing a blog, mainly because he lives in a time that's akin to the early 20th century  Twelve minutes! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Time: 12:58 ...Well, no. Don't help me. I rather like chocolate. Too much, in fact. And then my throat gets all scratchy and I start to cough uncontrollably, which is especially bad at night. No sleep. I should probably not eat these three bite-sized little chunks of sugary goodness, but I already got then from the box so my mind is already made up. I haven't had chocolate in days! Not counting the chocolate snack bar I had yesterday, of course. But there was only a little bit in there so it doesn't really count. The problem with staying away from sugary foods is that I have a massive sweet tooth. I can give up anything but I cannot totally cut out sweet stuff. Why do I have chocolate in the first place if it's bad for me, you ask? Well, that's because people keep gifting me with it! I have boxes from last year still sitting around. Can't people be more creative with their gifts? I mean, come on! I like writing, so a notebook would be nice. I like baking. Even some flour would be nice! But why give me stuff that's trying to kill me? Oooh, Galaxy Caramel! Get in! It's wonderful! T_T I'll start to feel the effects in a few minutes, no doubt, but at the moment, with the taste buds still rejoicing, I feel like it's worth it. Poison in a promising package, no? In other news, I got stuck with my story prompt. Nearly halfway through and I don't know what to write. Perhaps I should try the "plotter" method of writing. I ramble too much when I let the story unfold as I go along. But the idea of plotting it all out doesn't sound very appealing either. Maybe I can find some middle ground. Eleven minutes! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Time: 12:24 My husband had guests over last night so I kind of stayed out of the way and was mostly on my computer. I don't know what it is about sitting at the computer that makes my back hurt so much. I'm find sitting on the sofa downstairs. I was mostly fine after sitting on the uncomfortable college chairs for several hours last Tuesday. Even after getting a padded swivel chair, I still get back pain from sitting here too long. Perhaps I should invest in a new laptop, since the old one doesn't work. This sucks! I can't just give up the computer. I've had this one for about a year now, after many, many years without one. Computers and laptops feel very different to use, I've discovered. Perhaps it's the amount of time I was on it. I didn't feel too bad the past week or so when I've just been coming on here for an hour or so. Maybe it's my posture. I can't quite sit on chairs with my legs down, so I cross them on the chair seat or stretch them out and rest them on the lower shelf of the computer desk, where the printer is. I just can't keep them down like a normal person. I'm still in the process of writing my seasons short story. I thought I started off all right, but I've hit a dead end. I guess this is where being a "plotter" would be good, but I don't like planning my stories out. I should try it though. For a short story at least. Who knows? Maybe it'll yield such good results that I'll end up doing likewise for all my stories! When I write, I usually have some idea of what's going to happen, though this develops as I continue writing. Sometimes, I brainstorm so I have at least a little bit of direction, but this usually happens for stories which I'm really serious about. I have so many ideas which just sort of withered up and dried out. So I will definitely give being a "planster" a go! It's been thirteen minutes and that's three minutes extra to make up for my very short entry yesterday! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Time: 11:43 I'm in a bit of a hurry so I might not be able to do the full ten minutes. My husband is taking us out to the park today - at my behest, of course. This sort of stuff doesn't usually come from him, bless him. He doesn't seem to be able to come up with any day out plans by himself. Oh well. My little one is currently sat on the toilet and I am waiting, in vain, for him to wee. He's turned three but has yet to be potty trained. I hate this! I hate doing it. I hate picking him up again and again when I have back pain. And, try as I might, he just doesn't seem to understand what I'm trying to achieve. In these two week holidays, before he goes back to the childminder, I want him to be out of his nappies. Seems like a very distant dream at the moment. Time: 11:47 If I can, I'll do another entry this evening. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Time: 11:49 Having a daily checklist really helps me to keep on track. When I turn on Netflix, I can sit there for hours, wasting time watching stuff that's irrelevant. But when I know I have a checklist that still has items on it that need crossing off for the day, I'm much more likely to get up and go and do those things. It's working out great for the three or four days I've been using it! Currently, I have six items on my checklist and, after I've done this blog, that will be half the list done. I've yet to do some ironing - it's such a chore, but Netflix helps with that :D I've also got to continue my seasons short story prompt, which I began last night. And then I need to make a start on my college assignment, for which I have only typed out the questions so far. What an accomplishment! It's due in two weeks. With every passing college assignment, I get less and less concerned about the course. At this point, I'm only continuing because I've already paid for it. You know things aren't looking too good if money is your only reason for doing something like this. I'm studying counselling - don't know if I've mentioned that in a previous entry. I'm in my second and final year of a diploma. I wanted to go back to studying because I felt like I was wasting an awful lot of time, and I wanted to learn something, do something. My level three counselling was all very well and good, but lately, I've started to feel like I don't really care. Not about the profession - it's a good profession and I'd love the chance to help people out. But, generally, I feel like I'm falling short. I'm getting more cynical of everything around me. Of everyone around me. I don't want to be there, but I attend every lesson because I have - to my knowledge - a spotless attendance record and want to keep it that way. The biggest reason, perhaps, is that I can't find a placement. If I can't find a placement and get my hours, I won't be able to qualify and even though that doesn't bother me too much, I keep thinking about what my family will think. "You studied all that time and for what?! It was stupid!" But I don't think it has been. I've enjoyed being a part of something, even if it's just a classroom with other thinking, feeling human beings. Before counselling, I was cooped up in my house for a long time. The hermit tendency hasn't entirely gone away, but I need to have a reason for getting out of the house. 13 Minutes! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Time: 12:26 I've received another prompt and, this time, it's about the seasons. I'm looking forward to it! I have an interest in the elements and the seasons, particularly in characters who are superhumanly gifted with abilities that correspond with either of them. I remember watching a live-action movie adaptation of the Snow Queen many years ago, can't quite remember the details, but the girl goes through all the elements before finding the boy at the Snow Queen's palace. I thought it was fascinating that each of the seasons were physically embodied by a woman with a particular set of traits that alluded to her season. Winter wore white and was cold. Spring was warm and motherly. I can't remember a thing about summer, but autumn was...I guess rebellious and rough? Very interesting. I've been thinking lately of revisiting my Elementals story idea from like a decade ago. It interested me then and it still interests me now, but I've sort of pushed it aside and forgotten about it. I'm taking a bit of a break from my main novel, to get a fresher perspective when I go back to it, so in the meantime, I think I should focus on the Elementals. As the name might suggest, it's about people with powers based on the elements - earth, wind, fire, and water. There are four nations of elements and there is peace, but it is quite flimsy and tensions between Fire and Earth, who are neighbours, have long been rising. I didn't get more than a couple chapters but I'm excited at the prospect of picking it up again. And that's thirteen minutes! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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