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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/forums/message_id/2297842
by Leila
Rated: 13+ · Message Forum · Contest · #1808166
Closed for judging.
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Sep 15, 2011 at 10:51am
#2297842
Edited: September 15, 2011 at 10:57am
Re: First Love
by Carwyn
I enjoyed the sentiments expressed, the word pictures they created are right on

these are my favorite lines:
Every time he looked at me, my breath caught , I sighed.
With every smile of his, my joy I couldn't ever hide.

good use of rhymes

my one issue with he poem is the format. It feels like the lines are too long which leaves me with an awkward feel to the flow of the poem for some reason. Maybe breaking the sentences at the commas, making each stanza four lines, not two would help that ?

thanks for sharing - good job!
MESSAGE THREAD
First Love · 09-12-11 3:29pm
by cursive-stroke
Re: First Love · 09-12-11 4:21pm
by Leila
Re: First Love · 09-13-11 4:52pm
by Lesley Scott
Re: Re: First Love · 09-14-11 8:51am
by cursive-stroke
Review: First Love · 09-14-11 2:35pm
by unforgettable1
*Star* Re: First Love · 09-15-11 10:51am
by Carwyn
Re: First Love · 09-26-11 10:37pm
by Summer Wind is Healing

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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/forums/message_id/2297842