*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4741467
Review #4741467
Viewing a review of:
A letter from Gulfport, MS  [E]
A letter about Katrina's aftermath
by StephBee - GOT Survivor
Review by JACE
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! *Dragon*


Hi StephBee - GOT Survivor .

I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "A letter from Gulfport, MS" .

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

*Note1* Overall Impression. First, congratulations on your 19th WDC Anniversary. That is an exceptional achievement, especially considering how active you are on this site. Your continued participation inspires us all. May you be with us for 19 more.

I chose this particular offering for two reasons: I love reading travel memories--I get many great ideas for my retirement travels. And I used to live in Biloxi for a short time, not far from Gulfport. I was fortunate enough to have missed any hurricanes. Your descriptions are enough to thank my God and His favor.

I can't imagine having to start over with nothing after such a disaster. Your shock and despair comes through in your letter. One can see pictures and video on the evening news, but it can't compare to living through and surviving a natural disaster of that magnitude. It seems incongruous to use the word natural in that phrase.

*Writer* Editorial Thoughts.  It's good to have someone close to you during such time, someone in which you can confide. Just talking about problems can help fix a path toward a potential solution. Your letter provides that measure of solace.

I should probably state that this being a personal letter to your sister allows for a little leeway with how you express yourself. It should be a bit less formal. I feel like I should see more contractions--that is, writing like you speak.

And clinging to Donald and your faith are certain to lead you through this tragedy. Your offering is a roadmap to others who are experiencing problems in their lives.

*Exclaim* Technical Considerations. This section relates to the mechanics of your writing. May I suggest a few word-smith options to help clarify or strengthen some of your sentences?

         *Bullet* The school building itself wouldn't make such a roar.  Everyone in the school roared with such joy ...  

         *Bullet* The first use of 'their' is incorrect; should use 'they're'.  ... but their so waterlogged their captured memories ...  

*Star* My Rating. 4.5.  May you enjoy many more years with us here.

*Heart* Thank you for sharing your offering.

Reviewed by

Personal GoT Sigil



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/03/2024 @ 9:15pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4741467