What is this feeling?

I hug myself as I look out over the calm water, the feeling of sand beneathe me is so acute, it's hard to ignore. I wish that I hadn't worn this shirt, so flimsy and thin, it's so cold and yet, it's so beautiful. I pull back my hair so that it is no longer in my eyes and continue to stare over the ocean. The sound of the waves lapping the shore calms and comforts me. I close my eyes as I inhale, breathing in the salty sea air, and open my eyes as I breath out. I temperarily remove my arms from around myself and adjust my skirt as I sit down on the sand, then quickly wrap myself again in my own embrace. I look at the waves marvelling at how they reflect the moonlight and shimmer with honest beauty, as they rise and fall. I close my eyes and simply listen to the sounds surrounding me; the waves lapping; the sand grinding beneath me; the wind rushing around me; leaves rustling in the trees behind me; and the soft cry of sea birds in the distance. I breathe deeply and he comes rushing back into my mind, him, the one who has so captured my attention and is so unwilling to release it. I hug myself more firmly as I remember his warm brown eyes, gazing at me with a half hidden laugh in their depths. I close my eyes and picture him, it's not even remotely difficult, him, with his smooth dark hair, strong shoulders, tall stature, caramel skin and cleverly crafted hands, strong, yet delicate. I sigh and smile, appreciating once again his wonderful beauty. Yet, his personality surpasses his beauty with ease, his charming, funny, sensitive, kind and friendly personality, which has captured my affection as easily as a feather is caught by a breeze. Just the thought of him, has made me smile and relax. I've never felt this way before, many word spring to mind, but I cannot know which fits the best, the first is love, but I do not know. The feelings of helplessness and hopelessness over takes me every time I see him with another, I long to embrace him and tell him how I feel, what I think, I know that he is interested in what I think, as we talk about some of it often. If only I had the courage, the strength, to tell him how I feel, alas that I should secretly be shy. But the fear of rejection and pain is still much too high for me to attempt the deed, as of yet. All thoughts of the beach are swept from my mind as I think of the man that I feel so much for. I sigh as I open my eyes and let the image fade, but the thoughts linger. How does he feel? Is one of the many questions racing through my brain. I'm sure I'll never know the answer. The mere thought, that he may feel the same, sends a fluttering to my stomach and heart. I shake my head and rise to my feet, staring over the water yet again, I feel so confused. What am I feeling, so powerful and new? All I know is I can't get him out of my head, he's constantly in my thoughts. I walk along the beach staring at the now restless water, a storm is approaching, clouds are dark over head. I sigh and slowly make my way back up to the park, where my sister is waiting for me. The warm, chocolate brown eyes haunting my every move, I feel as if he's just behind me and I feel safe. I glance behind me and gaze at the ocean, which is now raging. I decide to run up the mounds of sand, hair flying, to the park and toward my sister, who I notice is talking to a man, not just any mand, The man, my man. I stop in my tracks and stare. Then realising what I'm doing I abruptly look away, to the ocean, thousands of thoughts are racing through my brain at a million kilometres an hour; what's he doing here; How do I look; Wow he looks great. I take a deep breath and start over to where he and my sister are talking. As I walk I notice that he is even more gorgeous than I remember, he was fantastic. His strong arms and hands where formidable and his eyes where possitively over flowing with laughter. As I reached them, they looked up and grinned at me. His smile was enchanting. I smiled in return. I was suddenly shy, Why did it always happen at the most inconvenient times? I wanted to say hi but my mouth wouldn't form the words. Then he decided that he would begin, and said, "hi" to me. Luckily I managed to sqeak out "howdy" back, I mean squeak, it didn't sound like me at all, all high pitched and sharp, I have a lower voice and it's usually smooth, why did this always happen to me when I needed my voice to work with me, it did just the opposite?


(I'm not finished yet....I haven't decided what's going to happen next, I don't want it to be too unrealistic...lol I'd love some suggestions...hopefully nothing too cliche lol :D thanks)