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One man's journey to find the way home |
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from. After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit. I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY? Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation.... WELCOME!! |
| Tired after a long morning. Happy Valentine's day. May God's presence be a valentine to someone today. |
| Hope is a name we all need to bear in whatever firm it might come. I am walking and feeling pain instead of numbness. It needs to translate to writing and living as if life matters. Yesterday was a case in point. The paranoia I feel around my supervisor can be disabling. She says hi in positive tones and lets me know she notices the hours I work as I quip about the hours I know a sub to be working. Do what does it mean? In a sense I am appreciated, but do I in all honesty know when to say no. I hope. |
| Pray for me. So many things could go wrong. I seem to be throwing bread on the The water. There are taxes not done, my car a great worry, work is ever stressful, marriage, do I really need to lose weight. Will I survive this life? Only God knows! |
| Another day of dealing with car trauma. How bad can it be? It is a safety issue, the longer I am deaf to it. It borders on the same issue of determining it is ok to keep going if nobody gets hurt without knowing if an underlying issue puts me or someone else in danger. |
| It is curious. What does it mean to have only six hours to go? At some levels, it is a challenge. At other levels a threat of sorts to see if you can even cross the finish line. I can break it down to three and three. It begins when I get up and enter into the time to see whether it be worthy of my investment. |
| Well what is God trying to tell me. The money is there and yet my body is feeling the effects of all work and little play. My mind is in a funk. The scripture that comes to mind is being saved by grace. The problem is how to get to a place where I find time to receive it. |
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