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One man's journey to find the way home |
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from. After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit. I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY? Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation.... WELCOME!! |
| Still going, don't ask how. I do need to still make breakfast in 15 to 20 minutes. I will be okay. Then I amble into doing showers along with being supportive, God grant me strength. |
| I am plain dog tired and I am not lying. I still have 10 hours and it feels awful at the moment. What was I thinking. I could call off. Hold that thought. I will be leaving in about 15 minutes with the dream of tomorrow. I pray that the God who has sustained me can continue to with me. God's will be done. |
| I am having a rough day. I am glad for time to blog. My wife is feeling frustrated with her physical health. She talks about not wanting to live. I do not know what to do. I can only imagine how she feels. She was married to someone who she had to pull the plug on and it haunts her. She constantly tells me to pull the plug if she gets sick. I will enter the work place not knowing what to expect. I know there will be work to do. There may be admonition or a write up for working during a time I had indicated I wanted time off. Who pays the bills? Oh me of little faith. The stress I feel is through the roof. I want to be a good husband and human being and am not even sure what that is any more. |
| I find myself running in all manner of ways with no good outcome in sight. I know only to do the best I can to stay the course. I am still working and that is a bit of consolation. My wife suffers in her own ways as she recalls her ordeal and hopes it will not take place again. And then my Red Sox play the Yankees for four games at their place after losing four straight at home. Nothing good can come of it. Running, maybe I will run back to God in such a way I will stop clinging to everything else. Be with me God. |
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