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 |   As the first blog entry got exhausted. My second book |
| Evolution of Love Part 2 |
1. When you say *"a, e, i, o, u"* your *mouth* gets *smaller* with each vowel you say ! 😊😊. 2. You *don't really wash your hands;*... they *wash each other while you stand there and watch..... 3. Things are not on fire,... *fire is on things !* 😳🤔 5. When you say *'Forward'* or *'Backward',*... your *lips move in those directions !* (yes,...just like that !!) 😄😄 6. The word *'Australia'* has three *A's,*... all of which look the same, but are... *pronounced differently !* (surprised ??) 😳🤭 7. If You rip a hole in a *net,* there are actually *fewer holes in it than before !* 😄🤭 8. The sentence "All the faith he *had had had had* no effect on the outcome of his life."... *is actually correct !!* 😄😄🤭🤭 (getting too much??) 9. Sometimes you have to *sing* the *whole alphabet* in your *head*... just to find the *next letter !!* 🤔 13. *“Dammit I'm Mad "* backwards is still *"Dammit I'm Mad".* (and that's the *condition* you have *almost reached !!*) 🤪🤪😝😝 14. *Nothing* is *behind your Back.* it is always in *front of your back !!* (Now that's *stretching* it a little bit *too far !!*) 😂😂🙃🙃 15. Most of the time the people who tell you to *calm down* are the *same people that made you angry in the first place !!* (Yeah... You got that *RIGHT !!*) 🤣🤣😜😜 16. *Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia* is not fun to say, but ironically, this is the *medical term* for the *fear of long words !!* 🤭🤭😝😝 (Nailed it ??... *Right ??*). 😊😊😊😊 |
| A police patrol officer who parked outside a local neighbourhood bar noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn, and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles. At last (when almost everyone had left) he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test. To his amazement, the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy. They all got away!" 😂 🥂😎 |
| We all know how meticulous are auditors in raising objections, and how meticulously such objections need to be dealt with. Army personnel are entitled to an additional quantity of rum if posted at a certain height in the Himalayan range. One formation of Jat regiment were posted at a hilly location and drew the additional quota of rum. The Audit Department, after verification came to the conclusion that the height of the location falls short by 5 feet from the height prescribed for additional rum entitlement. Hence as the unit has already consumed additional rum without entitlement, the members of unit must pay back the cost of rum consumed. Official memo to this effect was received by the CO of the unit. CO replied that: " Ours is a formation of Jat regiment where the height of each jawan is more than 6 ft. We further undertake that all rum has been consumed in standing position only, thereby at a height more than the prescribed limit for free entitlement. The audit objection was dropped. 😂😂 |
| 🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺 In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local Schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for 'Water Closet'. She wrote to the school master inquiring of the facilities about the WC. The school master though fluent in English did not know what 'wc' meant. So he asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a 'Wayside Church' (WC) near the house; a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply: Dear Madam, I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located just 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. There is, however, plenty of standing room. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC; as it was there, that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angles. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all, since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all. With deepest regards, The Schoolmaster 🙏 Needless to say the Woman never visited India !!! 😛😛😝😝🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 |
HELL EXPLAINED BY A JEWISH CHEMISTRY STUDENT The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet. *Bonus Question: *Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives us two possibilities: *1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. *2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So, which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by my girlfriend Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh God, I'm coming." The student received an A+ !!!!!!🤓 |
| Somewhere between “ 10 toffees for 1 rupee” and “1 toffee for 10 rupees”, we grew up! Somewhere between “Ground may aaja” and “Online aaja”, we grew up! Somewhere between “stealing chocolate from our sister” and “Buying chocolate for her children”, we grew up! Somewhere between “Just five more mins Maa” and “Pressing the snooze button”, we grew up! Somewhere between “Crying out loud just to get what we want” and “Holding our tears when we are broken inside”, we grew up! Somewhere between “I want to grow up” and “I want to be a child again”, we grew up! Somewhere between “Lets meet and plan” and “Lets plan and meet”, we grew up! Somewhere between "Being afraid of our parents" and "Praying for our parents" we finally grew up And as we grew up, we realize; How Silently, Our Lives Have Changed....... |
| Way back in 1997 an officer was promoted and celebrations were on in the mess. Everyone was making merry, when one officer saw that the letter stated the promotion was effective from 997. There was a typo and the 1 was left out. In the prevailing light hearted mood someone suggested writing to AHQ asking for back pay for 1000 years. A letter was drafted and given to the mess in charge to post which he did. In a few days everyone had forgotten the letter and thought that it would be thrown into the WPB( waste paper bin). Three months late a letter came from AHQ. Signed by the MIlitary Secretary( officer in Army HQ) who evidently was even smarter. The letter stated - We have received your letter....blah blah blah and have decided that your claim for back pay has been sanctioned. The amount with interest as confirmed by the CDA(O) is Rs.25,37,654,492/=. However while examining the records it has come to light that from the time of the battles with Mohammed Ghazni (1007) till World War I (1918) a vast amount of arms, stores, supplies etc were found missing after each battle. The Judge Advocate General has opined that you, the sole surviving officer, are responsible. The amount of the missing items totals to Rs. 25,37,655,492/=. Hence amount of Rs.1000/- is due from you and this will be deducted from your salary next month. However in view of your long service and contribution the amount will be waived if you withdraw your claim. We are also pleased to inform you that the Army has instituted a new medal - EVLSM - Extremely Very Long Service Medal - to be awarded to those who have completed 500 years of service. As you have served for more than a 1000 years, a bar will also be awarded. Thanking you ................. |
We all have to be careful because people are facing mental health issues from being isolated for so long. In fact, I have been discussing with the microwave and toaster during coffee break and we all agreed that things are getting hot. I spoke with the window this morning cos it was very open about it. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he has been acting very cold and distant. The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked for his opinion. He didn’t say anything but the doorknob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to pull myself together. I tried to talk to the mirror as well but it asked me to go reflect on myself first. The vacuum was very unsympathetic and told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over. In the end, the iron straightened me out. She said everything will be fine and no situation is too pressing! 🌿 |
| _*WELCOME TO THE 21ST CENTURY!*_ ' *Phone.....👉Wireless* *Cooking..👉Fireless* *Cars........👉Keyless* *Food........👉Fatless* *Tyres.......👉Tubeless* *Tools.......👉Cordless* *Dress......👉Sleeveless* *Youth......👉Jobless* *Leaders...👉Shameless* *Attitude...👉Careless* *Spouse....👉Fearless* *Feeling....👉Heartless* *Education👉Valueless* *Kids........👉Mannerless* *Government👉Useless* *Parliament👉 Clueless* *MASSES..👉 HELPLESS* _*Everything is becoming LESS but still our hope in God is - Endless.*_ |
| Man is really a being who is self-aware. Even if he has slipped and fallen, is it not his bounden duty to use as a lever the very earth to which he has tumbled, and raise himself up again? Besides, one does not fall so often. As a man, constant effort is his duty. If he does not awaken to the consciousness of his own Self, what has he achieved? He has but wasted his life. How many lives are frittered away age after age in endless coming and going. Find out who you are. Discover the significance of the round of births and deaths, its cause and where it leads. When man becomes a traveller on the path to his inner being, the distance that separates him from his goal [of Reality] gradually vanishes. You will most certainly have to undertake this pilgrimage to Immortality, trampling under foot hundreds and hundreds of obstacles and impediments. |
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