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85 Public Reviews Given
85 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Advanced beginner reviewer whose writing has improved because of reviews received at Writing.com. Grammarly is a must. Reading is a necessity of life. It is an adventure to discover a new author and speculate about them and their perspective. Writing.com is brain food.
I'm good at...
Offering support, but I can also present a different perspective. I enjoy a good argument and a difference of opinion and welcome the same.
Favorite Genres
Humor, Fiction, Spirituality, Romance, Philosophical, Family Saga, Satire, Young Adult
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Science Fiction, Erotica
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Slice of life
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything too graphic or depressing
I will not review...
A piece that I find offensive.
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of Tired  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey Turtle,

So acrostic poetry uses an acronym. Maybe I could try that. I'm a nurse so I hope your piece is fiction and not about you. I think everyone has bouts of depression because life is hard and on occasion kicks us in the gut. If this is about you I hope your depression is situational, external and not endogenous, internal. TIME is the best healer, but sometimes medication helps.

Hope you're not really this sad,

Mary
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Review of In your eyes  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like your poem. The part that resonates the most is "so much of God's wisdom in eyes so young". I was asked in church one time how I knew God was real. Purity is my answer. I know there is goodness, flawlessness and purity. Adults like me are lacking, but a child is pure and good so I appreciate your comparison. I'm glad you are smitten with your child and wish that every parent was.
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Review of Clowns  
Review by 2serious
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Your poem makes me angry. "This and that came up" means I did not prioritize you. Other things in my life were more important. If you are writing about a real dad then you need to explain how he contributed toward the cost of the party. "You're my baby girl, no matter what" doesn't cut it. The father in this story knows what she likes, but does he know what she needs? Is he providing for her food and shelter? Sweet talk is meaningless when it comes to raising children.

I was raised by my mom. My dad was a good time Charlie, selfish individual who did not contribute to our upbringing. My mom never bashed him, but children remember who fixed their lunches, took them to swim meets, bought them new tennis shoes.

Your writing style is good, but your topic makes me seethe. If you were trying to elicit emotion you were successful. The father in this story does not however have my sympathy.
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Review by 2serious
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is a very courageous piece. We have a nearby factory. I had no difficulty visualizing Keith Hull and the OSHA inspection. The flat tire in the rain and the torn jacket provoked more sympathy for your character.

Your submission is very timely with so much unnecessary cruelty in the news. Kate's story is tragic. I imagine a fugitive, never fully at ease, never able to forgive herself and now her sorrow is greater.
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Review of The Loud Silence  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, what a huge undertaking. It sounds like you found a calling and an outlet for your mountain of time.

For our parents was created a video with old family photos and music. We did it posthumously with my husband's parents, but fortunately we completed my mother's before her death. We watched it with her and played it at her memorial service.

Your idea sounds like a unique way to honor our loved ones. I especially appreciate your plan to include their challenges and failings. We tend to deify our deceased loved ones, but they were real, human, just like us.

May you hear clearly what those who have gone before have to say to us.
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31
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.5)
What an original piece. I'd love to see this illustrated book in the lobby of our local nursing home. Thanks for adding levity to one of the most depressing aspects of growing old. May we all have a loved one with a sense of humor when we're admitted to the old folk's home.
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Review of Kite Chasing  
Review by 2serious
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I like happy endings and this wasn't an uplifting piece, but you brought out some very challenging arguments for euthanasia. Killing the cat was absolutely the right thing to do.

The bereaved Carly was very real as well. I worked in labor and delivery and interacted with bereaved parents. Some of their literature was so dark and bleak. We have a tendency not to acknowledge their grief because we want them to get over the loss of their baby instead of allowing them to experience the heartbreak. Your Carly sounds real to me.

Her death was a moral dilemma, your challenge to the reader. That would have been a difficult jury to serve on. I think I would have found it difficult to judge the bereaved father.

The only part that was a little distracting for me was the baseball game. I wasn't sure about the connection.
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Review of Nocturnal  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Teerich,

First of all let me say I'm so glad to have another person of my vintage on the site. I'm working to acquire a taste in poetry. I like yours. We live in the woods and have evidence of the nocturnal creatures that you provide for.

Are they eating slugs and snails, but not your plants?

I think I found one typo. I believe the third stanza should read motionless, in case they scamper,
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34
Review by 2serious
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey Poison Ivy,

My first thought was December 23? What an interesting thing to write about during the holidays.

Much like the piece you wrote on love, your thoughts are weighty, mature and believable.

My favorite part, "His wrinkled face bore an expression of grave seriousness and his dark eyes represented cold, lonely tunnels which no one ever hopes they stumble upon..." Great description.

Suggestions: Your focus was on the patient's thoughts and emotions, you mention the sights and sounds. Your already credible character could become even more so with graphic descriptions of what she tastes and smells.

If this was a journal entry would it have been written in past tense?

When writing is it possible to change from first person to third person as you did in the last paragraph?

Take care,

Mary
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Review of The Sound  
Review by 2serious
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Tom,

I'm female and less than a decade away from retirement, but the musings of Fred Ryan gave me insight into the life of man in his twenties, fresh out of college. Your attention to detail was excellent. You addressed his concerns and priorities, a place to live, financial responsibilities, beer, friends, romance, etc.... It was very plausible. Your characters were real. I've met that no-nonsense apartment manager.

Dry, sarcastic humor is most appealing. My favorite character was the father. I listen to a lot of parents as they lament the horrors of the teen years and imagine their relief when college orientation is scheduled. I loved how Fred's parents packed up ALL his crap as if to say, "Thank heaven he's out of here."

The clumsiness and physical injuries horrified me, as did his carelessness with matches, but my biggest fear was his potential imprisonment after the "peeping tom" episode.

The telephone call to dear old dad and the son's claim to have a gambling problem was priceless.

Fred started out on the wrong foot, but I have hope for him. I believe he'll succeed. He doesn't take himself or life too seriously.
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Review of Quiet  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear MisMake,

I'm old and not generally a fan of poetry. I guess it has to do with impatience. In school when a passionate teacher took the time to explain a poem, I could appreciate it. I think the Psalms are beautiful, and they are essentially poetry. Songs are poems, and I love music. I'm not sure what my problem with poetry is, but I generally avoid it.

However, I genuinely appreciate your poem. You did an excellent job of creating the mental image of a shy person. I could see a pained expression, the pink cheeks, the well meaning people who make matters worse. Your poem displayed a shy person's pain.
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37
Review by 2serious
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Ahlyssah,

Likes: My favorite part was your statement "It is only when you can get the people around you to shut the holes of nonsense in their faces that you can hear your most intimate thoughts." I work with this really loud person with a nervous laugh who is frequently sorting out her household crisis du jour. When she has trouble with the computer she moans aloud and verbally abuses it. Your words brought her face to mind.

Evoked emotion: I totally disagree. Sleep is our friend. It is our sweet haven where healing occurs. We awake refreshed and renewed, ready to face the day. We have a new perspective on arguments and priorities.

Question: You said, "Such art the sleep-deprived mind can create." Is that an objective opinion? My dad said he could drive better drunk, but that wasn't true. I had a bi-polar friend who hated taking his meds. He said he could have the crowd bursting with laughter, in the palm of his hand, but was that accurate or his perspective at the time? He was also an extremely talented, compassionate fellow, a renaissance man.
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Review of Teen Love  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.0)
Poison Ivy,

Despite mankind's universal quest for it, love is difficult to describe. You did a commendable job of explaining how all consuming love can be. You accurately portrayed the roller coaster of emotions, the joys and the sorrows that we've all faced. I appreciate your positive note that love is worth it.

Limerence was a new word for me.

The only typo I saw was in the third sentence. It should read "ultimately all amount to the same thing."

Nice job.
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Review of First drum set  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.0)
Yes Kare Enga, I can hear Gary the third playing his drums and see his innocent smile. What a brave father to give his son a drum set. In my experience musical instruments are bestowed on children by well meaning relatives and friends who are aren't subjected to their daily use. We gave our nephew a 9-piece rhythm band and it was never to be seen again. The ear plugs were a wise choice.

Sounds like the McPike household is a sweet place to grow up in. I'm glad they are a part of your community.
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Review of The Ice Lake  
Review by 2serious
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Darkness Within,

I identified with The Ice Lake. The past couple of years have been a time of grief and recovery. My future didn't unfold quite as I'd hoped, but I'm regaining my sense of peace, rediscovering what is right with my life and how much I have to be thankful for.

I accept that many of my struggles and barriers are of my own creation, and that time and perseverance are working for good, but tell me about the role of the woman. Is she different for all of us? Is she the crutches we tried to rely on? Drugs? Relationships? Poor coping mechanisms? Someone we blame?

I am grateful that you included the words, "I have finally learned to forgive myself." Balm for our souls, the perfect elixir, yet we aren't ready to accept it.

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Review of Just shoot me  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh, I really like this one. I administer immunizations and was anticipating an injection, but your ending was better. "Just shoot me" is one of our favorite household expression although I can't remember which sitcom we borrowed it from. Thank you for adding a little suspense to my morning coffee.
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42
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dave,

What a wonderful outlook on life. Your words encourage me. I'm working hard to let work be that place where I go to get gas, grocery money and health insurance for the retired husband and me.

I'm glad your golden parachute led to your real career as a writer. I've run into folks who struggle with their identity after retirement. They walk around with glum faces and declining health. Oh how I want to be like you and "pursue my dreams which have been buried in the clutter of work."

I loved reading how your efforts as a teaching assist evolved into responsibility for three classes. Proud that you found your niche.
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Review of God's Telephone  
Review by 2serious
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dear Nixie,

Dang your hide! I read fiction with happy endings. How dare you. You managed to make that child visible and lovable and then BAM! You kicked me in the gut. In my research on how to write short stories I discovered Kurt Vonnegut's list. Number six reads, "Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them–in order that the reader may see what they are made of." Mr. Vonnegut would be proud of you. I, on the other hand, am upset.

My measurement for quality fiction is when the author make the characters and setting come alive. You did that well, but I wanted a happy ending. I can understand why you've received so many rewards.


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Review of Reality Check 2  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed your post about the bad day at work. You seem very mellow and resolved everything quickly. I would like to have seen some anger or personality conflict with the boss, surely some frustration with the dog. Perhaps I am projecting. The most visual portion for me was the thick cup of coffee and sour creamer. I'm glad you included the beverage of choice in the afternoon, my saving grace as well.
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Review of Dusk to Dawn  
Review by 2serious
Rated: E | (4.5)
Curious about the word "noir". Do you mean danger or depression? She is struggling with a decision or maybe overcoming grief. I identified with your writing. Maybe she woke up with a sense of peace. Her problems still await her, but for the moment she is awake and free from the burdens of the day. Another reading makes me wonder if she is suffering from dementia. She tries to fake it during the day, but others get frustrated with her. She knows she is slipping.
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