Hello! I found your story on Account Birthdays. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression: A great short story!
Plot:Was well contained and straight to the point.
Style and Voice:Kept constant across the short piece.
Scene/Setting: Enough descriptives were used to ensure this.
Characters: Not enough allotment for much character development, but sufficient enough.
Dialog: Minimal, if you could have used more action to break up the dialog it would have made it stand out more. Also try to separate the dialog from the center of the text-use spacing to set it apart.
Grammar and Mechanics: Some problems here: The sphinx spoke. (,)“There is a time limit to this final test. Any fool could figure this out given days to ponder- the test here is to be quick under pressure. At the end of 5 minutes if I have not heard the answer(,) I will tear your souls out of you and slowly chew your bodies until the next pair of fools tries to take my secrets”.
Suggestions: Separate out your text to make it easier to read. If there is a new thought try to add spacing or a new paragraph to keep things going.
Hello! I found your article on Account Birthdays. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression:
I think that you have great ideas for overcoming writer's block. I know that it is something that I must deal with on almost a weekly basis. Sometimes what I do is listen to a song and try to write a story that co- insides with the lyrics. For example a bad break up and what might have led up to it. Almost like a music video on paper. Somehow it gets my creative juices going and usually leads to other developments.
Suggestions: Great article with great advice any writer could use!
Hello! I found your story on Account Birthdays. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression: Very cute story! I read it to my young daughter and she loved it.
Plot: Good. Straight forward like it should be for childrens' stories.
Style and Voice: Appropriate for its subject matter and audience.
Scene/Setting: Good again, maybe just a little more with the setting, give some more descriptions about the world they live in to really bring the young reader into that world.
Characters: You did a fine job with your little witch, again some description of what she looked like maybe.
Dialog: Great interaction between the witch and the fairy. if you decided to expand upon this and make it into an actual young reader book you would want to expand, but for this story it was good.
Grammar and Mechanics:hardly any mistakes except her mother and her father...
Suggestions: Great job! I think you have a real talent for children's literature and I would work with this!!!
Hello! I found your story on Account Birthdays. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression: A good, thought out storyline. Could have maybe used a little more backstory- like how did the wife die? How did he get to this point in his life? (Just some examples of- I know this was not about his deceased wife or how much he worked- it would just add to the creditability of the story)
Plot: Cantered and precise- did not go off the main story at all.
Style and Voice: Some spots in your story seemed a little too simplistic. Expand somewhat upon the sentences and read it back to yourself. The places will demand a little more attention when looking at it again.- Example- They both looked sad.- Not consistent with the text in the rest of your story. This was 3rd person, not from a child's POV, even thought the last paragraph was about her.
Scene/Setting: Could be expanded upon, bring the reader in a little more by letting them enjoy the full experience of everything going on around the characters somewhat.
Characters: Good. Some more back story maybe.
Dialog:Good. Shorter phrases then used with action can really draw a reader in, keep there interest piqued.
Grammar and Mechanics: Some verb tensing- This needs to be that even though it was from the characters thinking, or put it into a indent to let the reader know it was his actual thoughts. Comma mistake when in dialogue: She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his chest,(.) "Not if you don't listen to me." She looked up into his eyes again.- change the comma to a period. This is an action, not someone said words.
Suggestions:You have great talent for using action and bringing other flavors into your story, just develop it some more with your setting and your voice!!!!
Hello! I found your story on Account Birthdays. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression: pacing was a little rushed. You had time to space it out and let it all emerge or reveal some of itself.
Plot: Good. Anything with a bit of mystery is always good in my book.
Style and Voice: Try to be consistent with your voice. Work with it and keep it going then everything will flow more naturally at a good pace.
Scene/Setting: You set the scene just fine- just use some more description like how the air felt? the area around them- help set the scene up more to involve the reader. Use all of your senses when you write- try to immerse yourself into the scene and use your eyes, feelings, etc.
Your description of the character was good. his eyes- the color. Just work with your descriptions a bit more.
Characters: Good- they were placed in circumstance, but try and let people know your characters some more.
Dialog: I would break up your dialog from the the rest of the text a bit. Give it a chance to stand on its own merit. Read the dialog back and see if it flows.
Grammar and Mechanics: Okay a couple of things...“Good morning” Ashley said as.... should be- "Good morning," Ashley said...- just an example-
Verb tensing- awaken/awoken- past. Most of your verbs were in past format- keep it consistent. I would have maybe put - John was aroused from his sleep by the sound...
Spelling errors/type-o's: Read your work over carefully- John thought tot (to)himself as he laid in he’s bed wanting to go back to sleep. (sentence does not make a whole lot of sense.) John new- John knew.
Comma usage: read your work back to yourself and see where the natural pauses occur- that is always a good rule that I have learned over the years. two verbs(statements) need to be separated by some type of connector- and, or, but- a coma or semicolon if it is two dependent clauses.
Suggestions: Try spacing out your paragraphs some more. It will help the reader comprehend more as they are reading the text. Reading it back or having someone else look at your work always helps. A fresh pair of eyes!
Hello! I found your story on Account Birthdays. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression: Good- a little difficult to get to understand in the beginning, but it picked up momentum.
Plot: Hard to understand. It sort of runs in one direction and then the next. the facts are helpful, but they need to help move the piece along.
Style and Voice: Work with it. Find a pace and rhythm that works for you.
Scene/Setting: Became confusing at points. Again just work with it.
Characters: First person was insightful and interesting to know what she was thinking.
Dialog: n/a
Grammar and Mechanics: Verb tensing was all over the place. Try to be consistent with it. It makes it easier for the reader to follow. Capitalization was sometimes amiss.
Some sentence fragments and run-ons.
Suggestions: Reread the story to yourself out loud, or find someone- to beta it for you to help pick up the little mistakes and polish it off.
Also try to space out your paragraphs more- it makes the piece easier to read.
Hello! I found your story on [insert where you found the story (review request, plug page, random read, etc.)]. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression: A nice story. A little more in-depth would have helped it along.
Plot: A little late in getting to it. Try expanding on the story a bit and see what happens.
Style and Voice: Try reading the piece back (out loud) and you will see some places that you have been either redundant with your wording or would have used some other way to portray what you were trying to say.
Scene/Setting: again, try working with it to create a continuous tone throughout the entire piece.
Characters: A little hard to follow. Try working with it- establishing them more. But you did a good job!
Dialog:n/a-just a little.
Grammar and Mechanics:Verb tensing is amiss. Watch having everything in the same tensing will help the reader be able to understand the story.
Suggestions:
Try reading the story back out loud and see how the story flows. It always helps me to see where I need to try to improve. Great job!
I really liked it. I hope that you keep with it. The lyrics seemed to be something that you have a talent for doing. The use of the word "stuck" in all of the verses was very insightful. Keep up with the good work and I would like to read other lyrically inclined pieces that you write!
Hello! I found your story on [insert where you found the story Account Birthdays. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression: I thought it was a sweet piece. I would have liked it if you would have elaborated a little more.
Plot: Simple, but to the point. A little back ground info on what happened to Celia would have been good.
Style and Voice: Good- Keep working with it to make it your own.
Scene/Setting: More descriptions will help set up the scene.
Characters: good- try developing them more.
Dialog: Reread the statements out loud it will give it a better flow of how actually people would hold a conversation. Some of it felt forced a bot so just work with it a bit.
Grammar and Mechanics:
Verb tensing issues- stay either past or present- Example - replied- past. Is-present. make your whole story the same for a
Punctuation mistakes here and there. Example:
The screen porch door opens with a squeak; Annabelle takes the steaming cup of coffee from her mother. (use a period instead. Only use semi colon if it joins the two sentences together- nothing about those two statements is conjoined)
Need to use lowercase for ..... Celia was so adventurous,” Said Annabelle (no end punctuation.) Example: " ....Celia was so adventurous," said Annabelle. (or Annabelle said.)
Watch for end punctuation at the end of your sentences.
Use a comma to offset addressing a character in speech:
“Oh yes, right Annabelle..." should be- "Oh yes, right, Annabelle."
Suggestions: Try having someone else read your work for you. Other eyes sometimes pick up little mistakes that we can overlook!
A great narrative for life. I would work on your spacing- separating out your paragraphs to make them easier to read. Some issues with minor grammar and punctuation, but a very insightful piece about what really matters. If only everyone could see life through this view- then people would not get so hung up on the little things.
I usually do not read poetry-but your insightful little 'diddy' about being a mother was not something I could turn down. It is very truthful portrayal of how motherhood is the crying..the pouting. It was a great piece describing the ins and outs of motherhood. great pace and visualization also!
Hello! I found your story on Account Birthdays. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression: A sweet piece about a not so small time girl leaving home to head out for the big bright lights of New York.
Plot: Good- she was going to miss home! I would too.
Style and Voice: Good- the story moved forward.
Scene/Setting: Could have used some more description to set the scene - not what she was feeling so much as what was around her- set the stage!
Characters: Very good job at writing this POV- I could feel what she was feeling.
Dialog: Fair/good- nothing was much gained except for her need to want to leave home- or not leave home. The dialog was more or less needed to be internal.
Grammar and Mechanics: Verb tensing issues -order(use ordered-) - am (use was)
Suggestions: Keep up the good work. You have a talent for showing others.
Hello! I found your story on [insert where you found the story Account Birthdays. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression: Keep up the good work.
Plot: Hard to follow- work with it- paint the picture in your head and go with it.
Style and Voice: Felt a little rushed, but fair.
Scene/Setting: Again let the scenes speak for themselves- what is going on around them that will
Characters: Could be a little more developed, but good for the shortness of the story.
Dialog: Some pacing issues that just need some simple rewording to make them shine.- (use a comma- “My name is Jack (,)” I said.)
Grammar and Mechanics: Verb tensing was all over. Punctuation misplacement- commas in the wrong spaces or not used at all- general misuse of colons-(I loathe those things- use semi colons instead.) Make your work stand out more.
Suggestions: Space out your paragraphs. Sometimes some of the best writing can never be noticed because it never has the chance to really stand out. You have a vision and with the right applications and practice everything will become clearer.
I like the idea behind this story of yours. Some editing issues and formulating issues that make it a little hard to read. Some sentence fragments that are thoughts that could have been reworded to make the flow of your story go a bit easier.- try using some italics to break up the thoughts and keep them separate from the rest of the text.
Keep trying to work with it. It takes a while to get the gist - read others works and see how they get the proper flow and formatting.
Great poem. I hardly every read poetry any more and yours has made me want to rethink that.
You could feel the emotion, even how basic the feeling of loss, healing, resentment, fear. It reconnected to me the behaviors that I have experienced with my own connections to others-in whatever capacity. Good tempo, easy to read and understand what you were trying to relay.
Thank you for posting it. It was enjoyable to read. Keep up the great writing.
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