Greetings Raygunner ,
I found your poem on the Request Reviews page and thought I'd take a look.
DICTION, TONE, VOICE:
The voice is first person, as is evidenced by the "we." The diction is clever, and the tone is sinister and mocking.
SOUND PATTERNS:
There was some alliteration, with "Distinction without difference," "Friend turns on friend" and "spectables staged." Very musical to the ears.
IMAGERY:
Rich imagery, with princes, kings, moneylenders, silver, gold, the craftsman, the farmer, hands, coins, war, eyes, palms, darkness, blood and steel.
LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:
Line breaks were used well, there was some repetition of the words "kings" and "princes," but it wasn't overkill. I almost didn't realize that they were repeated. The poem didn't rhyme. The meter was good in the first part, but was not uniform thereafter, so it needs to be tightened up a bit.
ERRORS:
I think "darkness till rules" should be "darkness still rules." "The choice now is to make a stand stand with words," remove one of the stands.
NEEDS WORK:
The meter.
FAVORITE LINES:
"Greed: the true king."
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
This was a mocking portrayal of what happens when one is consumed with greed. The emotion was felt in every stanza, and the point came across well.
Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! And check out my political poetry contest, "The Perfect Sonnet Contest" Hope you submit an entry!
April
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" . |
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