I enjoyed reading your story. The characters were engaging, and I liked the way you organized the writing; showing each character's perspective, and ending each section with the title of the piece. It felt very well done and gave the story a nice, cohesive rhythm.
As far as criticism, I have to say that I would have liked more detail about the setting and what's going on around the characters to really immerse the reader.
Thanks for the read! I hope my thoughts are helpful to you.
You've painted a lovely picture in very few words, and captured the spirit of Kurt Vonnegut beautifully. I always loved how he would describe artists as disappearing into their art, and you've gotten that vibe across very well here. The second sentence is gorgeously constructed.
If I may, I'd like to offer some criticism concerning the first sentence. In my opinion, "moonlight spotlight" interrupts the flow. The rest of the vignette has a musical feel, and this feels like an aberration in the rhythm. I also found "lighting her up in an otherwise lightless bedroom" to be disruptive to the flow of the vignette. Perhaps it was the use of the word "light" in four iterations in the same sentence that made it feel odd to me.
These are just my impressions as a reader, and I offer them in the hopes that they are helpful to you. Again, you did a great job with this piece.
I found this story in the writer's cramp forum, and I loved it! The opening sucked me in, the characters were developed well in a very short time, you did a great job of building suspense, and I liked the twist at the end. If you decide to revisit it, a bit more about the woman's aloof behavior at the bar might be interesting, as well as further details in general. Awesome tale, though, especially with the word count limit. Thanks for the story!
I enjoyed your story, and wanted to share some thoughts. Trent's perseverance and determination made him an interesting character, and I thought you did a great job with showing these qualities. It made him someone whose adventures I wanted to follow. I also like that you didn't end it in the expected way, but rather showed him contented with his hard work as opposed to focused on the results.
In my opinion, varying the sentence and paragraph lengths and styles (especially in the beginning) would make this a smoother read. A little more detail would be nice as well. I had pictured Trent as a younger teen until his friend Felix pulled up in a car. I was also unclear as to whether he was doing archery as an after school activity or at a camp or country club, and only decided it must be the last of these when his parents mentioned playing tennis. I was also unsure of what you meant early on when stating that his arrow "joined the crowd." My first thought was that it went wild and went into the crowd of spectators. Maybe adding a bit more detail as to the visual array of arrows on the ground would help the reader to paint a clearer picture in their mind.
The plot moved along at a good pace, and I enjoyed following Trent's journey from student to teacher, all the while doggedly practicing this new interest. I also liked the meddling parents. They were a nice touch, and pretty realistic.
Thanks for the story! I hope my review was helpful to you.
This was great! I got a kick out of the seriousness of the start, followed by the wildcard ending. The first paragraph was fantastically done. You drew me right in with the detailing of how much the main character went through to get to this opening point of the story.
I have a few nit-picky thoughts. In your opening description of Cutter and his smile, you use the phrase "a thing," which feels vague and filler-like. Perhaps substituting this with, "an expression," might make the sentence a bit stronger.
The word is is missing in the sentence, "a cause as popular as it is just."
Other than that, a bit more detail as far as setting might strengthen this piece, but considering it's flash fiction, that's not terribly necessary. The story itself was a lot of fun. Thanks for sharing this piece!
I appreciated your review earlier, and decided to return the favor. This story was so cute! I laughed out loud at the perpetrator's paltry defense at the end. Loved the twist, too, I was sure it was the red herring (not using identities to avoid spoilers in case anyone reads my review). I enjoyed your description of the cake and Kate's desire for it in the beginning. I'm about to have dinner, and it got my mouth watering.
I would like to offer a critique if I may. Dialogue tags are generally lowercase, whether following a comma, exclamation point, or question mark as they are technically part of the same sentence. I found this article on dialogue tags very helpful, and would like to share it with you:
I hope the article and my thoughts are helpful! Your characters are great, and the plot flows very well. I definitely felt Kate's frustration. Also, the dialogue does a fantastic job of establishing the characterization in a solid show-don't-tell way.
Hey again! I figured I'd check out one of your stories since we've been chatting, and I'm so glad I did. This is fantastic! You did so much with the allotted three hundred words. The characters are so strong and well developed. I love your man-child-genius, your assistant-mother, and the dynamic you created between them. The image of Mr. Alexander scurrying off to the cockpit was delightful!
I have no criticism to offer, just wanted to let you know this was awesome. I'll be back for more!
I found your piece on the plug page, and would like to offer some thoughts.
This is a very short, sweet little slice of life, and the two characters are clearly in love. As a reader, I would like to know more about the characters themselves. I was left wondering why she asked the question, as her partner wondered the same thing and never got their answer. More details would go a long way.
I am not sure what else you might be looking for as far as a review, but if you want feedback on anything specific, please do let me know.
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