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Review of Getting By  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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This review is part of your shower from "Invalid Item" !


Hi Mara ♣ McBain . This is a review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group" ! *Smile* After reading "Getting By"  I have the following comments to offer.

*Reading*Title:
YOUR COMMENTS This title is the one, out of many in your port, that caught my eye. Having been there, I wondered how someone else would deal with it.

*Flower1*First Impression:
YOUR COMMENTS The pain felt by the mother without a job is felt from the first paragraph.

*Quill*Flow/Showing
YOUR COMMENTS The flow of this story was good, I only got catch up between the pool scene and the bike riding one because of the spacing. You might add another line to fix that. The showing was well rounded and held me tight to the story.

*Idea*Suggestions:
YOUR COMMENTS Medical bills and a credit card her shit ex had maxed out had debt collectors hounding her at all hours. (this line just did not feel right, maybe a comma between card and her would help but I think it is missing a word, maybe something before or after the word shit.)


*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
YOUR COMMENTS Unemployed for eight months she had five weeks remaining on her extension. (needs a comma after months)

*Star*Things I Like:
YOUR COMMENTS I love this story line. The truth of the matter is that there are a lot of single mothers in the world and right now, many that are without work. You caught the emotion of this well in this story. You left me wondering what happens to Elle and her daughter. A sign of great writing.


GROUP
Showering Acts of Joy Group  (E)
On indefinite hiatus
#1499415 by Pat ~ Rejoice always!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Please check out my auction "Invalid Item" 

Have blessed nights and bright mornings.
LG back to the writing board *Writing*
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27
27
Review of Ignorance  
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

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I wanted to stop by and say hi with a review. I love poetry though I am not a poet. This one was a good one. You brought to light just how some live. The flow worked well and the showing was clear. I found this to be an easy read and I enjoyed it very much. The imagery in the piece made me feel so if you were sitting here talking to me, that was great. The story line came through with your voice speaking so smoothly. Great Job!
Write On!!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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28
28
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

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I wanted to stop by and say hi with a review. This is an heartbreaking tale. The sadness cam through this story, leaving the reader to really feel for the character. I can see this is a well thought out story and a very touching one. The flow and showing were thrown off by a few grammar issues. I have posted them below for your viewing. I hope this helps you. Overall this is a great starter story.

'the night before my wedding ahould have beed a screaming sign' (misspelled word, ahould needs to be should)
'even though I was more educated and intelligent the all of them put together,' (misspelled word, the needs to be then)
'He said his usual sorrys and that it would not happen again and I thought marriage, I can't give up on it that easily, maybe it was my fault, I didn't give him enough attention.' (this is a long line, needs to be two and it feels like something is missing before or after the word marriage.)
'He told me to go home to my family, the first time in 3 years of our marriage, and take some rest and then we could continue and everything would be fine.' (this line feels off, not sure how to fix this, but a little rewrite should work.)

Write On!!!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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29
29
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

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I wanted to stop by and say hi with a review. This is an interesting poem, I have not read one so interesting in a while. While the last word I did not understand, the rest of the poem's flow was good. The imagery is sharp and so was the showing. Though the story was clear, I did not understand just who the poem was about. Was the person not human or is that just a figure used at the begining? This had me thinking, which is a good thing in writing. Leaving something for the reader to think about is good. Overall this is a well thought out poem. Thank you for sharing.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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30
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Review of Building Block  
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

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I wanted to stop by and say hi with a review. My handle is Lady Gypsy, in the real world I am called Teresa or mom, depending on the person talking. It is nice to meet you. I like how you placed this block here as you have. I can't wait to read a story or poem from you. This block is a nice start to a long and happy time here at WDC. If you need anything, please feel free to stop by my port and ask me. I am sorry to hear about your loss. However I love how you wrote this whole thing out. The story of your life has to be a good one for sure. Please feel free to stop by
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anytime, we are here to help you on your journey. *Smile*

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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Review of Whats inside?  
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

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I wanted to stop by and say hi with a review. This is a deep poem, one that is touching. I love the imagery that comes through. The flow was good, a very easy read for me. I love how you brought me in to see her pain, leaving me to wonder what happens to her. The story behind the poem comes shining through. This is what I look for in a good read. Overall I think this is a well written and thought out poem.
Write On!!!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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32
32
In affiliation with WRetopia  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*

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I want to start off this review with nice imagery! I love the different look at the seasons as well as how they see people. The way you brought them to life was great. Giving them a voice was an awesome way to get your point across. This to me was a great read. The flow was great and showing perfect. I felt in the moment, like I was watching them sitting in the field. Great work!
Happy Anniversary. Write On!!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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33
33
In affiliation with WRetopia  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*

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The title for this poem fits perfect. I love the imagery of this poem. The content of the story behind the poem is sad and unsettling to me, (these are the children I want to take in and show them someone does care) however it is to real these days. The showing was perfect, leaving me teary eyed. The flow was great, very easy read for me. This poem left me wondering about the young girl, what happened to her, where is she now. These are things I look for in a great read, feeling for the character, wanting more after the story is over. Great job.
Happy Anniversary. Write On!!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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34
34
Review of Hey Mum  
In affiliation with WRetopia  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*

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I picked this poem because of the title. It caught my attention and it fits the poem perfectly. I love the honor this gives to your mother and others like her. I can feel the love you hold for her as well as the love she holds for you. This poem's imagery is awesome. The flow and showing is great. Overall I really like this poem and the meaning behind it.
Happy Anniversary. Write On!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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Review of thanksgiving  
In affiliation with FraMoWriGro  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This story seems to have been a great time. I always love to read stories that are taken right out of someone's life. This was a clear view into your life and how one holiday turned out to be so great. I like how you start the story, not at the begining of the day, but at the begining of the cooking. So many people do not realize the work that goes into a Thankgiving dinner. Overall this is a good tell.
The showing was good and so was the flow, other than a missing comma here and there, not many. A little proof reading will fix them.
Happy Anniversary, Write On!!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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36
36
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

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I wanted to stop by and say hi with a review. I like this story, it is a nice way to show the start of a new vamp. The showing is good, however the flow is choppy due to grammar and comma errors. I have posted some below for you to see, how ever a little proof reading will fix them. You need to look for words that need capitals as well.

When he met her i the coffee shop where she worked, (i should be replaced with at)
he realized his throat was constricting in nervousness at his plans for tnight. (tnight should be tonight)
"I have to do this", he thought. (the comma should be inside the quotes, and he should be capitalized)
wearing the same little blqck dress she'd been weqring the day he furst met her, (blqck should be black, weqring should be wearing)
flashing her perfect smile at him as she glided past into the room. (past should have him after it or a comma)
Turning towards him Rebecca asked what was on her mind. ( a comma should be after him)
beforelashing out, and striking him with the back of her hand. (beforelashing should be two words)

I do think this is a great story and it has a strong plot. With a little editing it will be even better.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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37
37
Review of The Palace of Ice  
In affiliation with FraMoWriGro  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Wow this is a great sample. I love the imagery and how easy the flow was. Showing is clear and in the short read, I already felt for the character. I wanted to know more and the end left me wondering what was to happen next. The image of the character take the pass and putting it on the necklace, showed how this was a big part of the story. This is a great sample of your writing, I will be back to read more.
Happy Anniversary. Write On!!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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38
Review of What do you do  
In affiliation with FraMoWriGro  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I picked this one because of the title and discription, it fits the poem well. For me this is how I feel when I get writer's block, like there is just nothing left for me to say. I love how the imagery works through the whole poem. The flow was great. Since I can relate to the poem it is one I find hard to find anything wrong with. I am sure I will come back many times to reread this, when that writer's block comes to visit me.
Great job. Write On!!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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39
In affiliation with FraMoWriGro  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I like this poem for the imagery it gives off. The spacing was one way I found that made this not only easy to read but a fun read too. It made the words pop off the page and gave them great meaning. The flow was easy to follow and the way you changed the words mid poem was great. There was a lot of showing in this poem and the makes for a great read for me. Even though the meaning of the poem was a sad one, which came through clearly, it was a great read.
Write On!!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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40
40
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

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I wanted to stop by and say hi with a review. This is an intense little poem. The meaning could be anything, from war, to school, to work, or just anything where two people are in need of each other and have to part. The feelings came through well and I love the way you do this. For a short poem, this one hold great meaning and it is well written. The flow is great and I love the imagery. I can see how many people will see this for different reasons. Great writing.
Write On!!!

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Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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41
41
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

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I wanted to stop by and say hi with a review. How true is this poem, so many think just as this is written. I have to say, you caught all that many think when it comes to love. I like how you put in both sides of the couple. The over all feel of this piece to me is fear but the underlining emotion was deep love. I think one person will read this and see the woman as the hopeful part and the man the doubtful one, but I see it the other way around for some reason. To me that is a great poem, when people can see it differently. The flow was good other than one line, which I posted below for you to see. The imgery was great.
People fall in and out of it scared out of their wits (this one just does not read right to me, maybe a comma or word change would fix it)
Great work. Write On!!!!

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Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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42
Review of Happy New Year  
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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I wanted to stop by and say hi with a review. This is a good story written in all dialoge. I found it to be interesting and I could not wait to see where it went. The end was great and it left me wondering, which to me is a sign of a great story. The twist you added was great and I was excited about the reasoning behind the anger that came through. Making the reader care for the characters is another sign of great writing. Other than a few comma errors, which a little proof reading will fix, this is well written. Great work. Write On!!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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Review of How do I know?  
In affiliation with FraMoWriGro  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is such a great poem. I love how the questions are real and can be used by everyone. Either they were stuck in the friends zone or they have only known each other a short time. This is a poem that shows the real side of love. The questions we all ask at one point or another.
One the lines I liked best is "And I don’t have to hide behind a mask?" That to me says everything. No masks are great, if only more people would lose those and just be seen as their true selves.
The flow is great and the showing is perfect. I love the imagery, with it clear and insightful. Great job!
Happy Anniversary. Write On!!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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44
In affiliation with FraMoWriGro  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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I picked this story due to the title. Since I was born in MI, and I love the great lake, I thought it would be good to read a story about it. The title fit perfect. The imagery was great and I liked how you made me feel the boy's emotion about the ghosts. How he connected to them in his own way. How their stories were told to him and how he took them all in.
The flow was okay, however there are a few comma errors in the story that make it hard to read in spots. A little proof reading should fix that. Over all this is a good story and I like the ending. It was enough to leave the read wondering and feeling for the character.
Happy Anniversary. Write On!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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45
45
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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This is a great poem. I like the imagery, it is compelling. The flow is great and other then just a few places I found, they are noted below, I think it works well.
Goddess's tear drops felt as rain drops..(as should be like)
Goddess tear drop felt to the water..,(not sure whether you meant "felt like rain" or "fell to the water" either would work)
Heard the sorrow of a rain deer, (should be "reindeer")
Think on your brain and not only heart.., (should be "Think with your"

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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46
Review of Writer's Block  
In affiliation with FraMoWriGro  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I choose this poem due to the title. As a writer that gets writer's block I was curious to see this one, thinking it might inspire me when it happens again. I am sure that I will be returning to reread it because it is funny and I can see inspiration in it. I am sure that many others can as well. This is a poem that I can see many writers loving.
The imagery is great and the flow is perfect. I love this poem and the way it shows how one can break the block even if it is not the way they thought. Great job.
Happy Anniversary. Write On!!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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Review of A Morning Visitor  
In affiliation with FraMoWriGro  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I picked this story because of the title and the description, they both fot this story perfect. I love the showing that this story had, never once did I stumble over the words. The flow was perfect too.
The story line of a man trying to return to his first or greatest love was touching, but to me the must touching part was how he walked away, not trying to disrupt her new life with her man and baby.
Over all great story, way to go.
Happy Anniversary. Write on!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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48
Review of I Wish  
In affiliation with FraMoWriGro  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I picked this poem because of the name, it fits this poem perfect. How many people feel just like this? To many to count. I like how you show God does care at the end. That was great.
The flow was perfect and showing was too. The imagery was profound, showing the emotions of the girl.
Thank you for posting this poem and letting me review it.
Happy Anniversary. Write On!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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49
Review of Stay Pure  
In affiliation with FraMoWriGro  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is a very indept poem, one that I like very much. There flow was great and the imagery kept me seeing small flakes falling to the ground, then disappearing into the mudd on the unforgiving ground.
This poem could mean different things to different people, and that is a great writer that can do that. I really enjoyed what I got out of this read. Thank you for posting it and letting me review it.
Happy Anniversary. Write On!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

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I wanted to stop by and say hi with a review. This itions a deeply profound piece. It could mean a different thing for different people. Many that have cronic illness will get one thing out of it, where a person with a mental illness will get another. I can see how this is going to be an emotional piece for some, where it will make others think. That is a sign of a great read.
The flow is great and show is awesome. You leave enough out for the reader to draw they own conclusion. That makes for a great read, that more people are going to like. Way to go.
Write On!

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Have Blessed Nights and Bright Mornings
LG(Teresa)
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