What attracted me to the piece: Of course it's the fact that we are celebrating the years writing.com has been on the web. I have been here 5 of those years. I have never regreted the opportunity this site has given me. Your poem expresses the thoughts of all on writing.com
What impressed me the most: How you personlized the poem. It's lovely.
How about grammer: No mistake I saw.
Overall: Keep writing!
Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success if in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can.” Douglas Pagels
Awesome! This is one of the best poems I have read in a long time. I love the way it takes me to the secret place of knownledge which will let me know what happens to us in the end. My Mother passed away Feb. 23 of this year and this poem makes me long to understand the wonder of life. You really have what do they say in the south: Hit the nail with the hammer or something. I invite you to go to my Port and read a poem about a city which no longer exists in the south. I think we write along the same lines. There's a mystery to life and that's what we strive for...keep up the great writing. Diane
I loved the story but think I would like the longer version better. This happened too quick and it was too easy to get rid of the ghosts. I believe in them also but I have only been fortunate to see them as vapors not as really dressed up appraritions. I guess they are scared to show their complete selves to me becuase I would want to talk to them way too much.
I am a Christian but I believe in reincarnation. I think all the religions in the world can share in a common vision, we have a creator and we should be living for the good not evil. I believe we keep coming back until we get it right! Looks like I'll be coming back a lot before I make it to Mother Teresa Ville!
Take care and keep writing. You're excellent and I don't see grammer errors like I do in mine and a lot of other writers. How do you do it?
Very well written and a great observation of the time period. I nearly forgot how hard it was to become pregant before you were married; it's so common place now.
The way you told the story made me want to know more of what happened to the young girl. Did she commit sucide, have the baby and keep it, put it up for adoption? Just several things go through my mind. One thing that needs to be said is that I read enough and write so I usually can foreshadow things to come but this story really surprised me. Good job and keep up the good work.
It's a very hard read because you left out commas and semi colens on your sentences. For instance, you've used commas and stuff in some wrong places. It doesn't look like you did a spell check or rewrite at all and that's what writing is all about rewrite, rewrite, rewrite, like a capenter: measure twice cut once.
'There's more than one place where it's out of wrack like the 6th paragraph which uses the word on too much. Your content is good. What you're writing about is something that causes us all to stop and think but you have to put some form with the content.
I would have liked the story a lot better if the cat wasn't let out of the bag so soon. I love foershawdowing in a story but I kept wondering when the little girl's daddy was going to die. With some work though I think this story can be a great piece of literature. Just use your grammer check and proof read.
Always remember what my creative writing teacher said:; The key to good writing is rewrite, rewrite and rewrite. I bought some writing C.D.'s to help me with the same problems you experience.
Oh, it touches me so to read your words. That's what writing should do is touch emotions and yours does.
They are so touching to a Mother who has went down the path with her own son. My Prodical son is at home now at a cost. He has been in prison and during that time my Mother passed away. His best friend in the whole world. We buried her Feb. 23 and he got out Match 1. I don't know if he will go down the wrong path again. We later found a small spiral notebook which had the dates of all the times he went to prison, jails, rehabs, run aways. She loved him like no other and maybe that will make a difference.
Diane
What attracted me to the piece: I saw it on the opening page and someone was asking that we look at the writing.
What impressed me the most: I love it when couples are dedicated to each other.. The problem I saw with it was it wasn't as unique as I would want it to be as a son. Most songs have said the same thing in other words so I would concentrate on some thing else difficult in the relationship.
How about grammer:I look more for content.
diane
Overall: Keep writing!
Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success if in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can.” Douglas Pagels
First of all happy birthday. It's your anniversary with writing.com. Yes! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I thought these stories were very orginal and has given me the inspiration to write some of the stupid stuff I've done in my life. My children knew the routinue I would tell them to go ahead if they wanted to do the stupid stuff then I would hear them echo back my favorite pharse to them: "What happens when your Mother tells you not to do something and you do it?" They would say, "Something bad happens." It would be so funny.
My favorite one of all was the head one cause I tried to be a monkey one time and jumped out the window. Thank goodness it was the first story window. I was skinned up pretty bad and I think you are the first person I've told. Read about my funny thing that happened in class!
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Very good comparision between you and the many trees. I like the way you described the pine trees that never shed their pine needles. We have many of them in Alabama. I love the long leaf pines.
I like the way you do your poetry. Kinda free flowing like the way I do mine, not rhyming.
Keep writing. Your style is good and it is your own.
Diane
What attracted me to the piece: I just picked it because I wondered what someone else thought of school. I was so surprised when I read the piece that someone in this world kind of thought like I did, when through a youth without much plans but the books, oh, the books I picked up everything and read. I went to the library on my spare time and wrote down quotes. Relationships were a waste I didn't have plans. In fact, my hubby of 30 years ask me one time when I married him what was my plan. He was surprised I said, "I didn't have one, plans don't work."
What impressed me the most: That I felt like you I even had the job in a rough bar. Boy, if I would have been a writer then I would have millions of sticky notes on all those characters expecially the ones who experienced Vietnam. It put a number on those people. They really had a hard time.
How about grammer: Didn't see any I really look just at the content unless someting really stands out.
Overall: Keep writing!
Diane Be Diane means, I am trying to be myself. I've always been a bit of an actress. Not by wanting to you'll see in my port.
Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success if in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can.” Douglas Pagels
What attracted me to the piece: I loved the shear honesty of the piece and was drawn to it because it was about a child.
What impressed me the most: The ee cummmings poetry look.
How about grammer: EWverything looked fine to me.
Overall: Keep writing! You've got a good bit of talent and I meal keep wriitng.
Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success if in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can.” Douglas Pagels
What attracted me to the piece: I saw your review of writing.com and double clicked on it and here i AM.
What impressed me the most: The heart of the piece. It was so true so sad what drugs and drinking does. Little does the addict know how many people they effect with their carelessness of addiction. I know. First hand. My son is an addict.
How about grammer: I saw no errors. I think you should write freely. You can go back and rewrite to get the errors straighten out.
I have written since I was your age. You have a lot of talent. I didn't realize how much talent I had at writing until about 15 years ago. I want you to realize yours and really expand on it because you could go far! Have you thought of entering tis poem in a contest or publication? I think MADD would be interested in it.
Overall: Keep writing!
Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success if in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can.” Douglas Pagels
I am Native American. My Great Grandparents lived in Creek Nation, MS. Luckly they didn't have to travel the trail of tears. My daughter is in college and my son will soon be back from a long stay in prison. You know the white man's poison is the alcohol and drugs they put on the Indians and it is still with them today. Hopefully, my daughter who is finishing her last year of college can get a scholarship with the Native Americans. All three of us are going to try and get money to go to school. Some critisize us saying we are doing it on the blood of our relatives but I think they would want us to get something out of their suffering, if we get any at all.
I loved your Native American poem. It is beautiful. I hope one day to be a successful writer. Was your website hard to set up?
Diane
What attracted me to the piece: I also joined the contest and it really made me think.
What impressed me the most: How you took our current events and placed them in the piece to show how little we really mean in comparision to the universe.
How about grammer: I don't pay much to grammer but I did see one there that should have been their.
Overall: Keep writing! I loved it and it made me think.
Diane
Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success if in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can.” Douglas Pagels
Gosh, what a great story just from the prompt.
By all means very creative and held my interest from the very start. I was never bored and stayed with it all the way though. I liked the way you referred to the headaches in sizes--I've had a few of them thanks to life's stresses. You made a person really think about the fact: Do we really want to know what comes next.
Keep writing. You have one more talent here.
Diane
What a perfect display of a Mother's tender heart, I loved it so much. It spoke to me as I am reminded in my Mother's old home place is fisher price toys and cars. I can still see their faces as this Mother does in each tiny piece the joy it brung. You should turn this poem in to a magazine like the Reminse or Days
Gone By. Excellent..Diane
I loved it! It showed me great feeling and a real depth for nature. I have a good bit of Creek blood in me so Native
American poetry draws me.
I have a hard time with using and repeating the words that and which so that's the only improvement I could see in your poem.
Keep writing; you are good. Law school and 5 children you are a very accomplished woman and fully admired by me.
Diane
I would love to be put on a waiting list to join your group. I have made it a goal this year to publsh some of my poetry or at least put them in contests. I have two I am placing in Writer's Journal magazine for poetry contest. I have always loved any kind of poetry. I love Whitman, Emerson, and Poe. Emily Bronte lists way up at the top also. My hippie, flower child poet is Rod McKuen.
Diane
Overall impression: A wonderful tribbute to a friend. I loved it and it was poetry all the time. I feel mine sometimes has no ryhme or reason at all...just a lot of emotions.
Senses: I could feel the deep love.
Emotion: Full of what the world needs more of; people to get along as friends.
What I liked the most? Forever friends you will always be,
I hold you close to my heart.
I am not an expert so please don't be upset if your review is not as suspected. Grammer is hard for me, too. I've been out of school for awhile. Summer blessings to you and your loved ones!
Be Diane..just trying to be me and I leave you with a quote I won 1st place with: To believe in something seen measures a person’s intelligence but to believe in something unseen shows the depth of a person’s soul.
Overall impression: Very good. I was really surprised that this was a poem revieling the facts of becoming a writer. I hope to be one very soon even if I have to take my inheirtance and publish a book myself.
Senses: A little too short to show me senses and I do like to see it in all writing but considering you still did a good job.
Emotion: You showed me the excitment you had for writing. Good.
I am not an expert so please don't be upset if your review is not as suspected. Grammer is hard for me, too. I've been out of school for awhile. Summer blessings to you and your loved ones!
Be Diane..just trying to be me and I leave you with a quote I won 1st place with: To believe in something seen measures a person’s intelligence but to believe in something unseen shows the depth of a person’s soul.
Overall impression: Wonderful poem filled with sadness and searching. Those of us with a creative soul always remind me of the song about Vincent VanGough, "This World was never meant for one as beautiful as you" by Don McClen.
Senses: You used your senses quite well. I always in my poetry which is by no means perfect try to say to myself did I cover: seeing, feeling, tasting, smelling, and hearing.
Emotion: Felt the heartbreak of a person looking for love. My daughter has the problem. I have an even bigger problem though with being in love.
Thanks so much for including me in the newletter for my poem Rage. You should be sure it is the rage poem in the longer form to me it is better understood. I think it is
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I am going to sign up for the newsletter I don't think I get it.
Diane
I am not an expert so please don't be upset if your review is not as suspected. Grammer is hard for me, too. I've been out of school for awhile. Summer blessings to you and your loved ones!
Be Diane..just trying to be me and I leave you with a quote I won 1st place with: To believe in something seen measures a person’s intelligence but to believe in something unseen shows the depth of a person’s soul.
Overall impression: Great story. I was expecting something lenghty and found a delightful short story which had everything it needed to say a good and meaningful writing! Good job.
Senses: I felt most of the senses. I always like to feel in stories but because yours was brief I wouldn't expect you to tell me how it smelled, tasted although the thought of Chinese food did sound like some good eating tonight...still a great job!
Emotion: Great, childlike and faithful.
Grammer: No problems and hey, welcome to our Christian club here on writing.com. It's a great place to come for prayer and fellowship.
I am not an expert so please don't be upset if your review is not as suspected. Grammer is hard for me, too. I've been out of school for awhile.
Be Diane..just trying to be me. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Overall impression: Such a very good, inspiring story. I can always relate to these stories because I believe you should try to treat others in the best way. When you do it comes back to you. Good job.
Senses: I felt a lot but I would have liked the smell of an old school or the gun powder from the gun. Bringing the smell into things really helps others in trying to find out my something is say.
Emotion: Wonderful. I felt it all.
Grammer: Everything seemed to be in place!
I am not an expert so please don't be upset if your review is not as suspected. Grammer is hard for me, too. I've been out of school for awhile.
Be Diane..just trying to be me. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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