I still haven't figured out what this story is going to be about plot-wise, but each chapter makes me want to read on to find out what happens next. I find myself caring about your characters as more is revealed about them. You are very good at developing characters and each one has a distinct personality that really brings them to life. I hope you continue this.
You may want to run through and do some proofreading. Every once in awhile I'd run across something spelled wrong or a typo, but nothing that distracts from the story itself. I'd like to see you polish it up a bit just because I think it deserves it.
This is great! You have a very natural style of writing and within the first few lines, I was hooked. I will definitely read on if you choose to upload more chapters here. The only thing I could suggest to improve it would be to run it through a spell check. Defenceless should be defenseless. That sort of thing. Also, you might want to reformat it with definite starts and stops to your paragraphs. The way it is now is readable, but it would make it easier to read and make it look better if you did that. Really great start. Good job!
There's just something very sensual about the ocean, isn't there? I liked how you utilized its sensuality along with the feelings of the lovers.
From the language this story is told in, I'm assuming he's actually just imagining this happening? ' I draw you back in my arms', 'you would feel', 'might feel'--make it seem as if none of it has taken place yet. Am I correct?
Your descriptions are very good and well-worded however. You've managed to gradually build the passion between them so it is very believable and emotional as well as physical. This is a nice story. Well done.
Very cute! I read this twice to be sure to catch all your puns. They worked well and didn't seem forced. This was a funny story and I liked the way it ended. I liked that it actually had a beginning and an ending too. Too many short stories I read seem to just be scenes or excerpts. I would like to see a little more description of the graveyard itself at the beginning, because I think it would set the scene up better. I didn't notice any mechanical mistakes.
You've certainly got a flare for dialog. This was a really fun story to read. I always thought an atheist was someone who didn't believe in God at all though, where this man seems to want to blame him for all the world's troubles, so he actually does believe in him. Maybe you should make him an agnostic instead.
Overall, I thought this was very well written. There were a few minor mistakes I caught like using "quiet" for "quite" at the end, but nothing a good careful proofreading couldn't fix.
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