I really liked your story. You have an easy reading style and kept your paragraphs short, allowing me to breeze right through the twisted tale to the very end. Your descriptions were excellent/ your dialogue believable. You have a talent that is plain to see.
There were a couple of things i noticed:
1) a sight that caused much anxiety
[what's another way to say this? A nice descriptive word...]
2) making his way
[you used this phrase twice in almost the the same sentence]
I will feature this story in the next Horror/Scary Newsletter. Be sure your signed up to receive it and congrats,
-W.D.-
Well, I think it was pretty darn good...lol. Sure it's got some rough spots, but nothing drastic. You have described a man's fear in a very chilling manner. This is what I would do with this middle part:
I shot up out of bed, my breathing going a mile a minute. Sweat flooded down my body, soaking my clothes and my sheets. My face was red, and my head was pounding. It was still dark though.[this last sentence doesn't fit this paragraph. Or you could make it the 2nd sentence in the paragraph. It would fit well there.]
I junped out of bed[you got out of bed again?] and turned on the lights, illuminating all of the dark corners. I assured myself it was all a dream, all just a bad dream. I sighed and looked at my digital clock flashing numbers: 1:37. I let out an exasperated breath and tried to go back to bed. It didn't work, so I got up [again you get up?]and went to the kitchen to get something to eat, or at least to do something.
Other than that it was very frightfully done. It's better writing than I see from most of the adults on this site...lol. Best wishes with this,
W.D.
I thought this was very touching and very well written. Do not be ashamed if you should lose this contest. Your story speaks more than any amount of GP's you could ever possibly win, W.D.
I really enjoyed this. I thought the way you tied everything together was fabulous--very creative.
I would've mentioned seeing the wild life earlier in the piece, then the last paragraph would have had more impact. All and all, I see great potential here. Write On! And if no one has welcomed you yet to Writing.com, let me be the first to say, "WELCOME!" If there's anything you need help with or you have a question about how things work, just drop me a line. I'd be honored to give you a hand. Plus here's a 1,000 GP's to get you started...Merry Christmas! ,
W.D.
Strange is a good word for this story...LOL. But I enjoyed your dialogue and humor very much. I thought a little more explanation could have been used here, but not really knowing what was going on made me want to continue reading until the end. I consider this a very humorous piece and it brings back my paranoia of the lurking thought police that wait for us all. Who empowers these people anyway...LOL. Great job, my friend,
W.D.
This flowed very well too. I didn't like the last line, I don't know why, but it seems to have to many beats. How about this= "another night passes by."
Ginger,
I thought this was pretty good. Your flow is excellent, and your last stanza is exceptional. Very good imagery, I could hear the night as well as see it. Congrats on a great poem,
W.D.
What a strange little story. I loved it. It was just odd enough to keep me reading through 'til the end. I will feature this in the Horror Newsletter, congrats,
W.D.
I remember this, but you definitly have filled it out some. Great character developement and ending. I liked how you showed a normal visit and then turned them all into the dysfuntional family of the year...LOL. Good write, my friend. You'll see this in the Horror/Scary Newsletter at the end of the month.
Bailey,
A very interesting story. I like the way you presented it - my eyes couldn't stop reading. Even the typos and the long paragraphs did not dissuade from reading it to the end. That's a sign of talent. I would like to feature it in the July issue of the Horror/Scary Newsletter. If you have time, you might want to read it aloud and fix the typos. Good Job!
This was very well done. A story of ordinary horrors. At the end, I thought the narrator was more dangerous than the eagle. You built the tension well -- the constant doubt. A great little psycological thriller. Bravo!
I will feature this in the next Horror/Scary Newsletter. That should help you get some reviews.
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W.D.
,
that wait for us all. Who empowers these people anyway...LOL. Great job, my friend,
.