Hi, When I write reviews, I go chapter by chapter on the path I took and write a review detailing each chapter that I saw as well as giving a rating on each portion. I sincerely hope that this will assist you in furthering your writing abilities. Here is my Review for "New Reality Trait Swap"
Title and short Blurb: 4/5
The Title is very straight forward, but doesn't offer much creativity, it tells us exactly what we're about to get ourselves into,but doesn't excite the reader or offer any intrigue. The blurb to lure in readers is very well written, it contains everything a blurb should, and tells the reader exactly what they need to know.
Info and Guidance section: 4/5
Very Short, but it explains the rules clearly and let's new writers know exactly what you expect from them. I would have liked to know more about our main character 'Bill' Before the story started, but overall I think this section gets the job done and brings the reader into the story knowing what to expect.
Chapter 1 'Day One' by Federation: 4/5
Again short, I prefer to have a longer introduction with interactive stories, but that's personal opinion on my part so I wouldn't worry too much on that. This chapter introduces a few basic facts about the main character which hopefully will be important to the story. (you are going to college, you have a sister that is into some sort of physical activity, you still live at home.) The 'Power' is also introduced, but it also seems forced and contrived, it leaves me wanting there to be better reasoning for Bill to have this power.
Chapter 1-1 'Saw your older sister chatting on the phone' by Federation: 3/5
This chapter is also incredibly short but has all the essential details required. I would have liked to see more details. Talk about the scene in front of of the main character and how Alex's actions are reminders of traits, perhaps she's talking on the phone and she absently brushes back a strand from her long blonde hair, or she's talking about practice, and that makes Bill think about how she's in cheerleading practice. Also It would be nice if the chapter had a a better name instead of the decision of the previous chapter
Chapter 1-1-1' A body part' by Federation: 2/5
I would have liked to see more in this chapter as well, perhaps instead of writing "Quickly you think about swapping ______ with Alex." You could have said "You think about what part of Alex's body you want, you begin to wonder what it would be like to have hair like hers, then your gaze breifly shifts lower to her breast and you begin to wonder about having breasts. you rub a finger against your chin then as you wonder what else to take but ultimately you decide to ____" This chapter as it is doesn't add much to the story and doesn't make the reader anxious to go further
Chapter 1-1-1-1 'Take Alex's breasts' by Federation: 5/5
This chapter was very good, it adds depth to Alex's character and lets us learn more about her as a person. It also introduces the idea of reality warping with each change. I feel that this chapter creates intrigue and makes the reader want to continue and read even further into the story. Good work.
Chapter 1-1-1-1-1 'try to swap back' by Federation: 4/5
Again We learn more about how the power works. It also lets the reader know that not everything can be undone, This could lead to some intriguing plot lines late. Again I would like a little more detail, but I generally enjoy this.
Chapter 1-1-1-1-1-2 'Billy the Bimbo' by Frank: 4/5
The story seems to be going more and more in depth as it goes along, again I would have liked to see description given as actions were carried out but it was a good chapter none the less. It also showed a change in relationship as the change is sexes appeared.
Chapter 1-1-1-1-1-2-1 'Stay this way for a while.' by Veritas: 2/5
This chapter has a few grammar and sentence structure mistakes. Reading the chapter feels choppy and takes you out of the moment. The ending choice feels inconsequential and it doesn't seem to have any real impact on the story. I did like how it describes Billy's current thoughts on her powers, but overall this chapter needs improvement.
Chapter 1-1-1-1-1-2-1-2 ' The mall' by Frank: 3/5
Another short chapter, but one that adds to the story, it gives some description of the new sensations of the new body as well as other's reactions, but it doesn't have any conflict or rising action. The chapter just feels 'meh'
Chapter 1-1-1-1-1-2-1-2-1 'Victoria's Secret' by Frank: 3/5
This chapter introduces the ability to change interests with people, but it assumes the reader already knows about this even though through this set of chapter arcs this has not happened yet. I like the idea presented here but should be more of a learning experience for the main character instead of an inherent knowledge. on the bright side I think this displays the character's lack of change in some aspects very well. It shows that Billy still has a lot to do to be who he wants (whoever that turns out to be)
Chapter 1-1-1-1-1-2-1-2-1-1 'New Fashionista' by Frank 5/5
This chapter really raises the stakes. It repeats that this may be the last chance for Billy to become the man he once was and goes in to great detail in regards to the scene that we find your hero/ine in. I feel like this scene really stands above the rest.
That is where I finish my review as the available chapter was not one I wanted to pursue
Concept and originality: 3/5
This concept has been done in many forms, it's not very original and feels a little forced. This is a slightly new take on the concept, but doesn't do anything to stand above the rest.
Maintenance: 4/5
Of all the chapters I have read that were created by other authors, it appears to be moderately maintained however I did find one chapter that needs to be edited to improve the overall quality of the work. Overall you seem to be doing a good job at watching over chapter additions.
Summary: 3.57/5
Overall I thought this story showed promise, it had all the necessary story elements to keep it interesting, but it lacked detail. This story is on the right track but it doesn't stand out from the mass of stories like it.
If you have any questions please feel free to email me back. |
|
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "