The rhyme is beautiful, the hushed tones of the content fit perfectly. Very moving and intimate - you successfully put forth much power in the four stanzas.
Beautifully written. Well chosen words, with just the right amount of repetition to build a chain of cohesive flow. A good example of how erotic doesn't need to be explicit.
It's beautiful. Simple sentiments, honestly presented; and not uncommon ones either. Most of them I know I can say I'd like to happen for me as well.
Only thing I see that I might change is duck tape - probably ought to be duct tape. Although duck tape is a brand of duct tape I think.
Well said, I liked the heat and strength of the rhyme. There are some spelling and punctuation errors.
eye's should be eyes (plural, not belonging to)
silken not silkin
delisously ought to be deliciously
not sure, but I believe that nail might should be nails
electrofy should be electrify
Great storyline, well written. I felt it unclear if the woman being talked to in the opening was Tanith or someone else. The two rounds of PMS will probably taken by male readers far better than I did; although I do recognize it as an apt description, it sounds a bit condescending. I can't quite place how I'd fix it though.
Good job overall.
it reminds me of my littlest sister - always nice, even when she wants to be mean. That bite-my-lip find a nice way to say it look.
In the nice but not untrue category try:
wow, that color, I've never seen a (dress/hat/hairdoo) like it - where ever did you find it?
That makes a definite statement! (don't mention the statement it makes)
It just screams you. (actually it screams you shouldn't wear it, but let's not get picky, shall we?)
The second and third stanzas feel like the rhyme was a bit forced, but overall deeply felt. Especially liked stanzas one and five: one is and excellent opening, giving the feeling of creativity pent up and bursting forth. Five expresses the frustration of trying to get something across when words are insufficient.
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