Very good poem. You catch the reader in the first line and hold them to the end, the essentials of good poetry. I write short stories, but I also love the ertotic poetry too. I have used some to introduce my stories. I also have a forum, Lorna's Place
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1240662 by Not Available.
So if you would like to drop by and get some reviews, feel free to do so. Keep up the good work.
Your song could be sung by anyone; the artists of today as well as those of yesterday. I hope you find a market because this song needs to be sung. The hate just breeds more hate and the fighting continutes, unabated. You cry for the last, the innocents, but will the hate and the wars ever end??
Second stanza, space between "close" and "my" in the first line and a coma after close. I know we all do wear masks, it is for self-protection, especially out in public since there are so many more bad people out there than there used to be. I have the same fears, we have to hide, but you should let your friends see the real you, that way you can live the full meaning of friendship and have the love we all need to survive.
The mind can be brusied and battered just as your physcial self. Personally I think the battering of the mind is worse. You can't face yourself because another is always putting you down and putting very negative thoughts in your head. Every person is worthwhile, every person has a purpose for living. We must just find that purpose. To some it comes early and to others it takes time. You just must be open minded enough to see your purpose when it does happen.
Very insightful story. Paper comes from trees and grass, so it would be a tasty story to eat! Your cow character is extrememly loveable, I hope you will write about her again, just a longer story next time. I know the point of this one was for her to 'eat her words' and it was funny. Keep up the good work.
Your tale relates just what hopelessness can be like. The cruelty of one man aganist another, how Hope can fail you at certain times of your life. But as human being Hope is really all we have. Without it we can not get up in the morning, or survive the death camps you speek of. Only hope would allow anyone to survive. Excellent read, keep up the good work.
I know all all the things you write. I have seen and heard of the hunger of children when the father spends all of the money made and sends none home. I know what that can do to a family and how it scars the young. Some make it through alive, and some other are haunted to this day by their experiences.
Wonderful story, but so very sad. For a child to find what he wants to do then have it taken from his is a loss, but in this case it is a loss to the whole world. Who knows how far and how great Jonny could have been if he had just gotten his chance?? A sad story, I wish it could have ended with Jonny going to the Music School and becoming famous.
Talking to the locals in the lobby: "Stepped" in shly would bebetter than stopped in. You made me blush, and Alex remember you will always be my friend! You will love it here, check out my small ranch
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1240450 by Not Available.
I want you as one of my neighbors. Keep up the good work.
It is 'ill bred', not lll bred. I will be anxious to see where you take this, it is a good start to a story, how the 'creature' got within her and how she battles it and finally removes it. This wouls make a great story, why not work on it and make it longer, flesh out your character and make her win the battle.
It should be the "swiftness" of the wind, reads much smoother, and the last paragraph: left "over" footprints would also work better. Excellent poem, you caught me with the first line, kept me waiting for more then wrapped it up with a question. A very good read. Keep up the good work.
One question, there was only one gunshot, did Jennifer kill herself or Jeremiah?? To end your story the reader really needs to know, unless this is just a chapter with more to come. A very sad ending to what was a sad time in Jennifers life. When a marriage ends there should be an explaination, although when I ended mine I didn't give one either. I just knew that I had waisted 28 1/2 years of my life and that it took a car accident and a 10+ hour concussion to realize that, the slap up against the head type of thing. My mistake was to try again last month. Lasted less than 24 hours, but cost me a lot of money. In my case, as a friend told me, "Ex's are exs for a reason." I still am wondering who died. You can't shoot yourself in front of your child....
Excellent poem!!!!! You touched me; that is what the fire of passion is for me. With poetry you need to touch the reader, draw them in and leave them wanting more. You accomplished that with honors in this poem. Keep up the excellent work and I await more poems and stories from you.
Excellent poem, I really enjoyed it. You must catch what comes your way and not dwell not the things that could have been, or at least that is what age has taught me. We hope and we dream, like in my story "An Internet Love Story", it would have been nice to be Michaels' but he's just not truthful enough for me to trust, still isn't. My Bob is the greatest guy ever and I love him a lot. I like to tell him everyday, especially when we go to bed at night. He feels that he isn't 'loveable', but he's wrong and I hope I can get him to see that.
Great place to sing my praises of writing.com. I don't know what I would have done without you. Like I said, I come here so that my stories are made public, so others can read them and like them or dislike them as they may. I can't wait to check out my emails, or read what my favorite authors are writing now, always want to catch the new things. Also checking out the Newbie's is always fun. I try to encourage the ones who really have something to say, even if they aren't really sure how, they will learn on this site. Thank you writing.com for being here when I need you.
You helped me when I was a Newbie and I can't thank you enough. You gave me a home, a safe haven to come to when I feel the need to write and express myself. ROAK is a wonderful organization! Lorna's Place did pretty well the first day and I owe you some gift points.
A wonderful story about following through and getting the job done. Also, since I am half Aussie, I enjoyed the writing and all the best. I also enjoyed the Rugby team as a whole, seems like a fine group of lads, just trying to make the most of what they have. Keep up the good work.
This poem should not have an ASR rating. Death happens to all of us, granted we don't ALL get the peacefull death you describe. It is really a beautiful poem, so much insight and meaning. A beautiful vision that I hope will be true for all of us. Keep up the excellent work.
Very good. Well written and your sadness came through your words perfectly. You touched me, since I have felt the same loss, and wished for more. There are certain times in life when we strongly wish things could be different and we could have the loved one we want. I wish it could happen to you in the same strong was I wish it would happen for me. Keep up the good work.
When Matt looked around the shelter, it should be "you're going to be Ok, not your. Thus you are instead of a owning or having something. Proof-read your Dialogue to make sure you have used the (") in the places they are needed to show that people are speaking. The pronoun when the Stranger grabbed Matt is his, not her. Jack's fight with Slater, Jack stumbled to his Feet again, not feat.
YES, do write more on Jack and Matt's adventures! PLease????
Another great, insightful poem on the emotions of real love. This poem has great impact and great emotions that you bring forward as smooth as silk against the skin. You let me see your characters, they can be any man and any woman just starting to feel the force of love. They are at the crossroads of beginning a romance or of letting it go. With this kind of start, they should always follow through because it will be a romance to remember! Keep up the good work!
Great poem, just that the last line of paragraph 4 you said you would not "need", find a better word because you would need, suffer, be alone, ect. if your love did go away, so you would need desperately, not need at all. This wa a much better poem, better smoothness in the flow and a lot more impact and emotions set forth. This ia great poetry.
A very good beginning, and I have a feeling the creature, which sounds like a small dragon, could come in very handy to save Mila from further slavery. I will check your Port to see what else you have written, I like your turn of a phrase. Keep up the good work.
Beautiful! Of course I love happy endings as much as the next person, but for two people across the Atlantic to dream and then realize their dream is a wonderful thing to see. I know Davy would make more than a modest wage because he throws himself into his work. He also would stay true to Mary Rose. Keep up the excellent writing.
A totally new way to look at death. A very wonderful, high grade, poem. I liked the fact that your character knew he had no real hold over her and tried to tell others the same. Of course none listeneted and maybe death only granted her presence to a few. I like how you brough your character to life. K eep up the goos work.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bristelstomp/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 10:23pm on Apr 30, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
