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215 Public Reviews Given
382 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
Review of Spices  
Review by Jess
Rated: E | (4.5)
Huh, that was an interesting topic to write about! But I really liked it.

It was clever how you used each stanza for a different spice, nice job!

It's odd to think of how prized simple spices were in the ancient world, and how they are so much taken for granted now.

Great job!
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52
Review of LUCKY  
Review by Jess
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful job!

You used a very nice aray of words that flowed well together.

The first stanza was my absolute favorite, though they were all great, partially because I love you use of the metaphor in the first line.

I didn't see any spelling or punctuation errors; flawless!
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53
Review of my dear poppy  
Review by Jess
Rated: E | (2.0)
Thanks for your entry in "Invalid Item" 

Great job, this is a really good entry.

There are a few things that could be fixed, though.

All "i" should be capitilized, and none of your are.

Also, that entire paragraph is one large run-on sentence. Try splitting it up like this:

My Precious Thing

I knew something was wrong when my mum sat me down to talk to me seriously. Since I was and still am I all was joke and laugh so that's what I did as I did not know the full story yet. Anyway, when mum told me that my dear pop had cancer in one of his kidneys, I was so scared for him and I still am. He is the most precious thing I could ever have, besides the rest of my family. But the amazing thing is that he survived the cancer and I have one thing to say: to everyone else that has ever experienced cancer, or even had a family or friend in this position, stay positive and don't let the worse things get to you or the other person because that just makes it harder.

I love my pop because he is fighter and always be there for me when I need him. He is the most precious thing to me.


The area highlighted in red made no sense to me.


Other than that, you have a very promising piece! If you decide to fix this, let me know and I'll come back for a re-rate!
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54
Review of Your Gift to Me  
Review by Jess
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Thanks for entering your piece in "Invalid Item" 

I really loved this! Your words were unexpectantly pleasant and flowed very, very well together.

I don't know if anything could be improved; it's virtually flawless!

Thanks for the read and good luck in the contest!
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55
Review by Jess
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow, talk about powerfull! I really love your choice of words, the readder got the feel of the emotion swings. Very good.

The last stanza was my favorite, it ended your poem very nicely.

I think your stanzas could have been presented a little better, it was sort of weird reading a 3 lined verse and then a 7 or 8 line one.

Other than that, great job!
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56
Review of A blank page  
Review by Jess
Rated: E | (4.0)
Great job, you really paint a picture with the words you've chosen.

I rarely reccomend this for poetry, but I suggest you take out a few of your punctuation marks. I think punctuation in poetry should be used sparingly or it takes away the effect. If you get rid of some of it then your poem will be perfect! Great job!
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57
Review by Jess
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think I liked this chapter even better than the first!

I like how you put more dialougue in; you really get to know the characters better.
One thing I noticed:


So . . . after walking for about three hours on muddy mountain path that was quickly getting blanketed with ash, we found an abandoned water buffalo, or carabao as you call them.

There should be a quotation mark before "So..."

Also, William and Mary really hit home for me becuase my mom's name is Mary Williams and I plan on going to the William and Mary college of virginia.

I can't wait to read the next chapter!
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Review by Jess
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, great ending! I'm going to read the next chapter right now. The beginning got off to a slow start, but I see now that was neccessary to include all the facts and mysteries.

This was very nicely written, although a little uncomfortable being written in the present tense. That's just my opinion, though.

No spelling or grammer errors that I saw, great job!
59
59
Review by Jess
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Like I said before, this is a very promising piece. I had been waiting for a while to read the second part and I loved it even more!

No spelling or grammer errors that I saw; great job!

I noticed that this piece was much more detailed than your last and all the description is really great.

I can't wait for the next chapter!
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Review by Jess
Rated: E | (5.0)
It's so sad that someone could end up in a situation like that. I've never been there myself, but it sounds so horrible.

I like how you've contrasted the colors of the text to the "colors" of the poem. Nice job!

The afterword is just as informaing and powerful as the poem itself, and great job raising awarness. I bet a lot of people will check out those links.
61
61
Review of The Dreamout  
Review by Jess
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I loved the flow of this, the words were great and very appropriately used to the subject, and it was an enjoyable read.

There were no spelling or grammar error sthat I saw.

I think the lines could be split into stanzas, to make it easier to read and more inviting.

Other than that, great job!
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62
Review of Baptism of Rain  
Review by Jess
Rated: E | (5.0)
The chosen words flowed very nice together. They were very powerful and visual.

I love the signature at the end- it fits the poem very well!

You did a great job with this. No spelling or grammer errors that I saw, and it was a pleasure to read!
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Review of Sigs  
Review by Jess
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a small, but nice collection of sigs. Because sigs really are a peice of art, I think the text in your folder should reflect that. It would be a lot nicer if you use HTML in your introductory.

I think I like the butterfly one better than the dog house one, though!

Nice job,
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64
Review by Jess
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved readinng your religious peices.

I'm Christian, also, and you and I have some of the same opinions it seems.

I especially liked "The Purpose of God" because it is so true, He is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient.

Good job!
65
65
Review of Ode to My Toad  
Review by Jess
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1*I am reviewing this as the third of 10 static item reviews you won at the AA Store*Note1*

What I liked:

I usually don't like long poems, but I can see yours no other way! I like how you take the reader back a few days at the end, but it is all told at the same time.

What could be inmproved:

Nothing really! A few of the words seemed forced, but they sounded good being that it is a children's poem.

Overall Impression:

A really silly poem that is sure to please people of any age!
66
66
Review by Jess
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1*I am reviewing this as the second of 10 static item reviews you won at the AA Store*Note1*

What I liked:

I liked how you told it through the eyes of a cat, very clever! Children would love the cat not knowing what they know.

What could be improved:

You might want to put a little more in about the setting. It was hard for me to imagine where the cat was at, etc.

Overall impression:

This is a great story that I really loved!
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67
Review of Old Year's Eve  
Review by Jess
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
That's really making the best out of a difficult prompt!

I think it adds to the setting that the driver is so naive. Because it makes the old man seem rude and blunt but he's really not.

This was a joy to read and the dialougue was great!

Good job on this!
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68
Review of Bus to Purgatory  
Review by Jess
Rated: E | (4.5)
When you got to the part about the brunette changing to the platinum blonde, I scrolled down and wrote in this box that she changed haircolors instantaniously. Then I read on and realized it wasn't a mistake! lol

You do a good job describing the scenario, but I really think Jake's personality could be better described.

Other than that, theis is a really good read!
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69
Review of Cleric's Revenge  
Review by Jess
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
You do a great job introducing Dav's character. In just a few sentences, the reader gets to know him and his personality, his drawbacks, etc.

No spelling or grammer errors that I saw, and this is a very good idea for a story. Can't wait to read more!
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Review of "Untitled"  
for entry "Chapter 1" 
Review by Jess
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a very interesting and attention grabbing introduction to a story. I can't wait to read more!

I didnt' see any spelling or grammer errors which makes it better to read. You do a good job of presenting the story, splitting up the paragraphs and all.

I think you could put a bit more about the characters along with the dialougue, because in the introduction you don't really get a feel for what any of the characters are like.

Other than that, good job!
71
71
Review of Between Two Tides  
Review by Jess
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This sounds like a really interesting subject for a book.

You do a good job building up the character's personality and history. I love the way you start out Between Two Tides (2) you describe the funeral very vividly. Ans cince the beginning and end are pretty similar, it gives the feeling of irony which makes it even better.

Good job!
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72
for entry "Prologue" 
Review by Jess
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a very intersting story, you do a good job of developing the characters. I can't wait to read the next few chapters!

My only suggestion is to break up the paragraphs more, the way you have them now is pretty hard on the eyes.

Other than that, this is a pretty good peice!
73
73
for entry "Prologue" 
Review by Jess
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a really great beginning to a what I'm sure will be a great story.

The ending was very promising, and as soon as you write a bit more of it let me kno! I would love to read more about Allison and the homeless man's legacy.

There were no spelling errors, though there were a few run-on sentences.

Good job!
74
74
Review of Character cameos  
Review by Jess
Rated: E | (4.5)
You have a nice, small folder with some very pleasing items inside!

I love reading about a person's childhood, and yours are no exception!

Mary Carola sounds like a very interesting person to have known!

You might consider putting some Wrting HTML in to spice things up a bit.

Good job!
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75
Review of Blossoms Maligned  
Review by Jess
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was very pleasing to read. I liked the ending the best, not really surprising but definitely not too predictable.

You do a great job developing the characters of Tom and Sarah, with the childhood history and relationship.

I love how you manage to fit a span of 10 years into such a short story.

I didn't see any spelling or grammer errors whcih makes it all the more enjoyable to read.

Great job!
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