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215 Public Reviews Given
234 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star*
Hi, again, LEAN! *Star*

It sure is an optimistic writings! I truly like the analogy of "gifts" and everything! If only I could find a card with these writings inside (and be it not too expensive, of course. :P), I'll surely buy it! ^o^ Have you ever consider card business? They'll surely sell! Another 4,5-star rating! Wwoo-hoo! Keeo writing! n_~*

~Cat-Claws.
27
27
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star*
Hi again, LEAN! *Star*

I prefer this piece! It is a more creative way on writing a holiday card or something! And I like how it's not being so philosophical and is actually lighter than your usual writings... :P

I like the use of those words in the brackets (it makes me snicker! n_~*)and the little smiley beside the "sharing..." n_n And the way you write "love" as invention, it suddenly sounds scientific to me (but cool). Therefore, I gave this piece a wonderful 4,5-star rating! Keep writing! n_~*

~Cat-Claws.
28
28
Review of LLAMA'S PAJAMAS  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star* Hi, Loti! *Star*
Here’s my review on your poem:


*Heart* A. TECHNICALS *Heart*

*Snow1* GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATION *Snow1*

         No typos! n_~*

*Snow1* RHYME *Snow1*

         I think the poem has a good AABBA rhyme already, though maybe it’s better if you make it into an AABBAA rhyming. But of course, it’s already good now.

*Snow1* RHYTHM *Snow1*

         Somehow I feel that this poem’s flow is a little bit interrupted. Maybe because the meter of the poem isn’t similar (first is 10, then 9, then 5, then 6, and finally 12). The first 4 lines are still okay, but the last line seem to really interrupt the flow. I’m sorry if there’s this kind of poetry style, but I just feel that the rhythm is interrupted.


*Reading* B. MESSAGE IN POEM *Reading*

         I think it’s clear that that this is a humorous poem. I think kids would love this kind of poem. Do you often make poems like this? You might be able compile and publish it, you know? n_~*


*Idea* C. LAYOUT *Idea*

         The layout is good enough – readable and neat. You might, however, consider using Writing ML to bold the title or underline it, or even change the colour. Having a funny picture of llamas in pyjamas is not bad too (if you can make or find one).


*Bigsmile* D. WRITING STYLE *Bigsmile*

         Light and funny, your writing style suits everyone, especially kids! n_n; I think you should make a longer version of this poem, I think the poem’s too short! n_n;


*Blush* E. BEST PART *Blush*

         Oh, I can’t decide, I think I’ll just have to choose all since it’s all related anyway! n_n;


*Right* F. OVERALL *Left*

         In overall, I think you can revise the poem more. The poem itself is already good, and I believe some changes would make it even better. For now, I give this poem a 4,0-star rating. I might change the rating when you’re revised it, though, good luck and keep writing! n_~*


~Cat-Claws.
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29
Review of VIRTUES AND FLAWS  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* Hey, LEAN! *Star*

Yeah, there *are* people (a lot, actually) who maximize themselves and bellitle others who, according to them, lower than them. :P I know someone who always insult others 'cause others are thought to be lower or stupider. But of course, it won't work the other way around. -_-; It's normal, really, not many people want to tolerate people they thought lower and/or less worthy of their attention. I guess I tolerate people well enough, but I might sometimes think that someone is bad or stupid ( hey, I'm only human! n_n;). Well, I just think that we just have to tolerate others if we wanna be tolerated and that there's always good in everyone. Thanks for sharing! n_~*

~Cat-Claws.
30
30
Review of The Turtle  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Star* Hi, Flip! *Star*
Here’s my review on your poem:


*Heart* A. TECHNICAL ERRORS *Heart*

*Snow1* GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATION *Snow1*

         I think I found one tiny mistake:

*Snow1* Stanza 1 *Snow1*

Line 4 = "I'm a tree," it replied."

*Idea* I think you should erase the last quotation mark. :P

*Snow1* RHYME *Snow1*

         The poem already has a good rhyme, but (sorry if I’m wrong) I got the feeling that you force the sentences to rhyme, for they barely make any sense (but then again, it’s supposed to be a comedic poem, so… n_n;).

*Snow1* RHYTHM *Snow1*

         There are some parts where I think the flow of the poem is a little bit interrupted. I think it’s because some of the sentences are longer than the others. You might want to consider revising.


*Reading* B. MESSAGE IN POEM *Reading*

         Uh, okay… This poem is pretty pointless… -_-; Then again, it’s supposed to be a humorous poem, so I guess I’ll forget about this section… :P


*Idea* C. LAYOUT *Idea*

         Nice layout! I like how you use colour in your poem. I also like how you use Writing ML to center the poem, I think it’s more attractive and easier to read. :)


*Bigsmile* D. WRITING STYLE *Bigsmile*

         You have a nice sense of humour (shows itself pretty clearly in this poem n_~*). And even though this poem is pretty pointless, I think the humour really make up for it. But I also think that it could be funnier, you know. Tee-hee, experimenting more and you’ll have funnier poems! n_n;


*Blush* E. BEST PART *Blush*

         I like this part:

"How can that be, a turtle turned tree?
I think I need a drink"

I think it’s funny! n_n


*Right* F. OVERALL *Left*

         Well, in overall, I guess I’ll give this poem a 4,0-star rating. It’s good enough, but I still think there’s something you can do to improve it (as in the humour). Anyway, nice use of layout and neat grammar! Keep writing! n_~*


~Cat-Claws.


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31
Review of Golden  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
As expected from you. You've done yet another story with a twisted ending. I really thought that the dying person is the she (affected by some very obvious news).

Controversial subject... Yes... Euthanasia? I still can't determined whether to go to the pro or the contra... According to my belief, I should go with the contra. But sometimes you do feel soul-wrenched when looking at your loved ones dying... Especially if the person dying ask for the euthanasia his/herself.

In anyway, I feel that the story had a good imagery. You didn't use flashy descriptions or anything, but it's adequate to make the readers se what you want us to see. Furthermore, I didn't find any typos. If there's anything I should suggest, it's probably the "End". Do you think it's better if you bold it? Just a thought, though, it's already a job well done.

In overall, I gave this story a 4,5-star rating for making not only a good story in technicals and non-technicals, but also in the controversional theme. Keep up the good work and keep writing! n_~*

~Cat-Claws.
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Review of Presence  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* Hi, Snowsage! *Star*
Here’s my review on your story:



*Snow1* A. TECHNICAL TYPOS, ILLOGICAL SENTENCES, AND WORDING *Snow1*


         Nothing that I could find! Well done! ^0^


*Exclaim* B. CHARACTERS *Exclaim*

         I like the characterization of the story. I like Usuna and the way he talks (seems cool to me! n_n;). I also like Harnor (nice guy). I somehow like the giant too! Mainly about all the philosophical talks of his and Usuna. Nice one!


*Note1* C. PLOT *Note1*

         The plot… I’m still a little bit unclear of it… Is there a continuation of the story? If yes, then it’s normal. If not… Well, I’m being slow again… -_-; But in any way, I like the flow! It reminds me of a myth I’m currently involved in (Norse Myth) since there’re kings, giants, gods/goddesses! I like it! n_~*


*Heart* D. SCENE *Heart*

         The scenes are well-described and well-put. I think you describe the scenes well too! I’m sure the readers could imagine the scenes clearly when they read this (I know I did! n_~*).


*Right* E. LOGIC IN STORY *Left*

         Nothing illogical, here, well done! ^0^


*Blush* F. WRITING STYLE *Blush*

         I like how you use formal language and the way you describe the surroundings of Usuna. Your craft is of a high level.


*Sick* G. FORMAT/APPEARANCE *Sick*

         The use of Writing ML and indents is a plus. The paragraphs are well-divide too (and not too bulky). There are nothing in particular that distract the reader from the story, and it’s another plus! ^0^


*Reading* H. BEST PART *Reading*

         I like most of it, but I have to choose this one:

“We have let our senseless wants dictate our lives,” the giant added. “We are truly mortals.”

         I found it compelling and thought-provoking. Well done! n_~*


*Bigsmile* I. OVERALL *Bigsmile*

         In overall… What must I say? You excelled in every part! ^0^ You’re a truly accomplished writer! Have you been published before? If not, then you should. I’m sure your story will become quite a best-seller! ^0^ *ahem* Therefore, I gave this story a 4,5-star rating. Well done! Forgive me for not giving a 5, but a 4,5-star rating from me is very, very high indeed. Don’t be discouraged by it. Keep writing! n_~*


~Cat-Claws.

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33
33
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* Hi, Star! *Star*

This must be one of the most beautiful poem I’ve ever read! Literally and figuratively! n_n; I especially like the message and how you use the picture and Writing ML to spice your poem up! I also like the rhyming and the flow of the poem, and it seems that I didn’t find any mistakes! #n_n# Therefore, I gave this poem a 4,5-star rating! Keep writing! n_~*

P.S. Did you win? n_~*

~Cat-Claws.

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"#^0^# My Miscellaneous Auction! #^0^#" 

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34
34
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
*Star* Hi, Wolf2K4Ever! *Star*

I really like the concept of this story. I always like vampire stories, and this one is no exception. I like the characters and the plot-line, it’s quite original as far as I could see till now. I also like the casual writing style used here.

However, I have some suggestions and questions:

*Right* The introduction tells the brief history of Darius in his point of view. However, the 1st chapter is told by the 3rd person point of view. Without any explanation, this could be pretty confusing and illogical.

*Right* The layout is a little bit hard to read. Try giving spaces between each paragraph. Also, try using Writing ML to bold or underline the titles and sub-titles.

*Right* There’s no difference in thoughts and normal descriptions, you might want to use Writing ML to italicized them or using single quotation marks.

*Right* There are some “broken” lines (quite literally), if you know what I mean.

*Right* Your story here lacks descriptions. Why don’t you elaborate your story here with more details? I’m sure the story would turn out awesome! #n_n#

*Right* You might want to reread the story to fix the typos (mainly punctuations and grammars). If you couldn’t do it, ask someone to.

Well! I’ve talked too much, apparently, I hope you’re not offended or hurt by my comments, for I have no such intention. Anyway, for now, I give this story a 3,0-star rating. If you fix it, I’ll be more than glad to re-rte this promising piece of yours. Till then, keep writing! n_~*


~Cat-Claws.


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"#^0^# My Miscellaneous Auction! #^0^#" 

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35
35
Review of Jasmine  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* Hi, Amatha! *Star*

It must be hard for you to endure what your daughter endured… I’ve heard of Down’s syndrome before, but I never though it would cause such depressing effects. For an infant like her, it must be kinda’ cruel… But I’m glad you could find the meaning behind God’s action and get over the whole thing. I also believe that God gave you that experience because He thinks you’re strong enough to endure it. And of course, I think Jasmine would grow into a beautiful and healthy young lady! n_~*

Anyway, I didn’t find any major mistakes from this essay. The communicative writing style is very plays an important part in sharing your experience to people who probably have the same condition. The only suggestion I have to make is that you should break the paragraphs into smaller ones to make it easier for readers to read. Therefore, I gave this essay a 4,5-star rating! Keep writing! n_~*

P.S. You forgot to give a space between paragraph 3 and 4.


~Cat-Claws.

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"#^0^# My Miscellaneous Auction! #^0^#" 

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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* Hi, Fish! *Star*

This is sarcastically hilarious (love it! n_~*)! I like how you describe the reason to be a writer in a kid’s point of view! #n_n# I also only found minor mistakes! Though… don’t you think it would be better if you say that this is from a 12-year-old POV? ‘Cause I think it’s a little bit childish for a 14-year-old to talk like that (though I bet some do)…

Unfortunately, many people think that way about being a writer. Come to think about it, I once thought that way too! ,>_<, I’m so ashamed of myself! ,>0<, Well, it’s when I’m around that age too, though… That’s why I think this piece is quite realistic! n_n; I wish people who still think that way would change after reading this wonderful essay! *points to anyone who reads this review* Yes, you! n_~*

Anyway, because of the realistic and philosophical content and humorous content, I gave this essay a 4,5-star rating! Well done! Keep writing! n_~*

~Cat-Claws.


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"#^0^# My Miscellaneous Auction! #^0^#" 

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37
Review of LOST LOVE  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Star* Hi, loves poetry! *Star*

This is quite an emotional poem about losing someone, and I think the message here is clearly delivered. I have some suggestions:

*Right* Stanza 1, line 2 = “Our love was strong! Forever we said.”

*Idea* I think you should add a comma after “Forever”.

*Right* Stanza 2, line 1-2 =

“What happened where did love go?
I guess this is somthing I never will know.”

*Idea* I think there should be a comma after “happened”, and “somthing” should be “something”.

*Right* Stanza 3, line 1 = “… to make love go way?”

*Idea* “way’ should be “away”.

In anyway, this poem has a potential to be better. If you revise he poem, I think it could receive higher rating. For now, I give this poem a 3,5-star rating. Keep writing! n_~*


~Cat-Claws.


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"#^0^# My Miscellaneous Auction! #^0^#" 

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Review of Silent Prayer  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star* Hi, Elsie! *Star*

This is such an emotional and strong poem, I can feel your emotions flowing in this poem… My deepest condolence for you and everybody who misses your friend. He must be a very good person…

The poem itself has no major typos and I think there’s no real problem with the layout. Therefore, I gave this poem a 4,0-star rating because of the lack of typos and mostly for the deep and emotional content. Keep writing! n_~*

~Cat-Claws.

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"#^0^# My Miscellaneous Auction! #^0^#" 

** Image ID #906214 Unavailable **
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Review of The process  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* Hi, Beware of icy roads! *Star*

Nice poem! It has nice rhyming and meaning! ^0^ I also noticed that there's no typos! n_n

Though... If I could suggest, maybe you should divide the poem into stanzas to make it easier for readers to read it. Don't you think so too? n_~*

Anyway, I gave this poem a 4,5-star rating for the rhyming and the in-dpth of the poem. Keep writing! n_~*


~Cat-Claws.


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"#^0^# My Miscellaneous Auction! #^0^#" 


** Image ID #906214 Unavailable **

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Review of Item Statistics  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, Storymaster! I think this is a very useful information and is very helpful for everybody in this site! Therefore, I gave this article a 4,5-star rating! Keep creating! n_~*

~Cat-Claws.

P.S. I'm in a hurry and am really sorry for not making a thorough review. I would really appreciate it if you forgive me for this.
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Review of Chloe  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Elisa! This folder contains great items with great descriptions of them at the beggining of this folder. Therefore, I gave this story a 4,5-star rating. Keep writing! n_~*

P.S. I'm in a hurry and am really sorry for not making a thorough review and would really appreciate it if you forgive me for this.

~Cat-Claws.
42
42
Review of Peacenik Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Sunflower! Sorry for I have to review you like this for I only have an hour before the expiration of my upgrade. I'll make it up later, I promise! ,>_<, Anyway, this is quite a unique poem, I like the underline and everything that you used to make this poem. I think it's cool. The message itself is delivered in a very uniqueway. I didn't find any mistake too! Therefore, I gave this poem a 4,5-star rating. Well done and keep writing! n_~*
43
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Review of Miracle or Misery  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* Hi, Ann Ticipation! *Star*
Here’s my review on your poem:


*Heart* A. TECHNICAL ERRORS *Heart*

*Snow1* GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATION *Snow1*

         No problem! n_n


*Snow1* RHYME *Snow1*

         Another ABAB. You’re fond of this format, eh? n_n Anyway, the rhyming is good and very structured. Well done! n_n


*Snow1* RHYTHM *Snow1*

         There’s no problem with the rhythm, it flows nicely!


*Idea* B. LAYOUT *Idea*

         The stanzas are well-arranged and correctly separated. Yep, no problem in this field either! n_~*


*Bigsmile* C. WRITING STYLE *Bigsmile*

         I like how you described your migraine in such a descriptive way. My mom has it too, and I think she’ll agree with you in this matter! Any good medicine for migraines? I’d love to recommend it to my mom! n_n;


*Blush* D. BEST PART *Blush*

         I like this part:

“It scourges me like a searing iron that is lying in my mind,
Lightening flashes strike with vivid stabs inside my eyes,
Words on sullen pages cross, then float away, are hard to find,
And nauseous, the bile gorges and begins in my throat to rise.”

         I think the descriptions here are superb! ^0^


*Right* E.OVERALL *Left*

         In overall, this is another good poem! The meaning may not be too deep, but the descriptions are great Therefore, I yet gave you another 4,5-star rating! Keep writing! n_~*

~Cat-Claws.
44
44
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* Hi, Ann Ticipation! *Star*
Here’s my review on your poem:


*Heart* A. TECHNICAL ERRORS *Heart*

*Snow1* GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATION *Snow1*

         No problem! n_n


*Snow1* RHYME *Snow1*

         At first, I thought that the poem doesn’t rhyme, but it turns out that it *does* rhyme! n_n; The format is rather hard to spot, but I could see that you makes it rhymes at the end of each stanza. It’s unique, and I like it! n_n


*Snow1* RHYTHM *Snow1*

         No problem! It flows nicely like always! n_~*


*Idea* B. LAYOUT *Idea*

         Again, you used colour in your poem. This time, the soothing blue colour makes it easy to read. You know, I like the colours you used in “Terror”! n_n


*Bigsmile* C. WRITING STYLE *Bigsmile*

         Again, you wrote such a deep poem. This time, it’s philosophical. I thought about it too sometimes...


*Blush* D. BEST PART *Blush*

         This part is my favourite:

“Was I aware of travelling, did I have to strive
For perfection, or was average good enough today;
Or is it an illusion just about to fade away?”

         


*Right* E.OVERALL *Left*

         In overall, this is yet another accomplished poem. The meaning is good, and I like it best. I may sound repetitive when I reviewed, but I simply like that quality in your poems. Therefore, I gave this poem another 4,5-star rating. Well done and keep writing! n_~*

~Cat-Claws.
45
45
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Star* Hi, Ann Ticipation! *Star*
Here’s my review on your poem:


*Heart* A. TECHNICAL ERRORS *Heart*

*Snow1* GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATION *Snow1*

         Again, no typos I could find! n_n


*Snow1* RHYME *Snow1*

         Again, nice rhyming! n_n Starting with an ABABCC format, and then AABB one at the 2nd stanza. The 3rd is AABBCC, and the 4th is AABB. Don’t you think it would be cool to make it ABABCC/AABB/ABABCC/AABB or AABBCC/AABB/AABBCC/AABB? n_n;


*Snow1* RHYTHM *Snow1*

         Nice rhythm! It’s rare to see a poem that has a good rhythm *and* meaning as well! Well done! n_n


*Idea* B. LAYOUT *Idea*

         The light green colour… I think I could read the poem even with this colour, now. Hm… I think my eyes are making an adaptation! n_n;


*Bigsmile* C. WRITING STYLE *Bigsmile*

         I like the way you spread your word of peace and love in your poems, I thin that’s your best asset of all.


*Blush* D. BEST PART *Blush*

         This is my favourite part:

“Oh I wish I could take the whole world by the hand,
I’d bring them to my garden, try to make them understand,
That the way forward is for all wars to cease,
And I’d share with them my garden of peace.”

         I like the message at the end of this poem, and I wish it comes true…


*Right* E.OVERALL *Left*

         In overall, I think this poem’s main strength is the message and the layout. The way you wrote about garden of peace is also good. I think I’ll have to give you yet another 4,5-star rating. Keep writing! n_~*

~Cat-Claws.
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46
Review of A Bird's Eye View  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* Hi, Ann Ticipation! *Star*
Here’s my review on your poem:


*Heart* A. TECHNICAL ERRORS *Heart*

*Snow1* GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATION *Snow1*

          No typos! n_n


*Snow1* RHYME *Snow1*

         Nice rhyming. Both stanzas have AABB format, eh? This time, I didn’t find anything forced, so well done! n_~*


*Snow1* RHYTHM *Snow1*

         Again, I like the flow of the rhythm of the poem. Yep, nothing’s wrong with it! n_n


*Idea* B. LAYOUT *Idea*

         I like the use of colours here, but I found the yellow and light green a little bit hard to read… Moreover, I think the blue colour is a little bit odd. Try changing it to something correspond with the other colours to make some gradations… How about orange? n_n;


*Bigsmile* C. WRITING STYLE *Bigsmile*

         I like the twist at the end of the poem. I must say that I forgot about the brief description and thought that this is a poem based on nature, but it surely surprised me at the end! n_n; And yes, I agree with you about how things seem to go so well there’s a feeling of the impending doom you mentioned… -_-;


*Blush* D. BEST PART *Blush*

         I like this part:

“Calmly, softly, floating; no inkling that it's to die,
For the dove is in the view of the eagle bird's eye.”

         Like I mentioned before, I love twist and irony/paradoxes! n_n;


*Right* E.OVERALL *Left*

         In overall, this poem has quite a unique layout (though some of the colours are kinda’ make it hard for me to read the poem) and nice twist at the end of it. The poem may be short, but the message is well-delivered. No typos too. Therefore, I gave this poem a 4,5-star rating. Keep writing! n_~*

~Cat-Claws.
47
47
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* Hi, Ann Ticipation! *Star*
Here’s my review on your poem:


*Heart* A. TECHNICAL ERRORS *Heart*

*Snow1* GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATION *Snow1*

         Well…

*Snow1* Stanza 1 *Snow1*

Line 1 = “When small I delighted in annoying Betty whenever I could.”

*Idea* I think a comma is needed between “small” and “I”.


*Snow1* RHYME *Snow1*

         Hm… The first and second stanza have a nice ABABCDAA format, and the last stanza has an AABB one. So far so good, I didn’t think there’s any change needed.


*Snow1* RHYTHM *Snow1*

         I like the rhythm of this poem. It somehow makes me feel a little bit emotional when I read it. Yes, I even almost cried… Almost.


*Idea* B. LAYOUT *Idea*

         The sentences at the last stanza are too long and thus makes the format a little bit distracted. But If you think changing it would affect the whole poem, then don’t. It would be such a pity if the poem loses its soul.


*Bigsmile* C. WRITING STYLE *Bigsmile*

         You never cease to amaze me. I never thought that your casual writing style could have such a strong emotional effect for readers, especially the last stanza where wrote about your sister’s death (my deepest condolence) in such a calm but to-the-point way. You’re an accomplished poet.


*Blush* D. BEST PART *Blush*

         I like this part:

“I held her, as she died, quite unplanned; it was my turn to hold her hand”

          The sadness is revealed very strongly here, and I like the effect of this last line to me. You’re marvellous.


*Right* E.OVERALL *Left*

         In overall, this is a very emotional poem that manages to conceal the its emotion until the last part, in which it catches the reader’s attention and empathy. The typo is minor and the layout problem is acceptable. Therefore, I gave this poem another 4,5-star rating (I’d actually give it a 4,75 if there’s a 4,75 :P). And, of course, my deepest condolence to your sister’s death. May God gave you and your family strength, and don’t forget to keep on writing, for it’s one of many ways to keep your sister alive. See you.

~Cat-Claws.
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48
Review of The Cutting Edge  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Star* Hi, Native! *Star*


         It's such a twisted story! I *love* twisted stories! n_n; I really never thought that Caroline was the murderer! o_0; I thought the plotline would be something like Caroline finding out about the death of Michelle and told the other about it! And to make such a twist in such a short story... You're talented! n_n

         Unfortunately, though, this story wasn't crafted with many descriptions. Try describing the characters' physical appearance as well as the scenes. That way, this story can even be more interesting! n_n Furthermore, why not develop this story to a series?

         Anyway, I gave this story a 4,0-star rating since the story idea is good, but can still be developed. I discovered only minor typos, so I won't count them. Keep writing! n_~*
49
49
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star* Hi, Coldarn! *Star*

         Whoa... You used lots of big words in here! n_n; I barely undertand the meaning... -_-; The scenes and objects in this story were very descriptive;y written, and the idea itself (of the story) is unusual. I think you should continue, for eventhough sci-fi isn't my cup of tea, I still found it amusing.
Therefore, I gave this story a 4,0-star rating since there's barely any typo, well-written descriptions, and definitely the big words used here.. :P The reason I didn't give a higher rating is because it's unfinished. Keep writing! n_~*

         P.S. You forgot to give a space between paragraph 6-7.

~Cat-Claws.
50
50
Review of I tried  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Right* Hey, hottennispro88!*Left*

         It's such an emotional poem, you have here. I know that it must be painful for you to be ignored by someone you like. Not to metion that the guy likes another girl. But really, if he doesn't acknowledge you, he doesn't worth your love and attention! So cheer up! There must be a far better guy out there who can see the true beauty of yours! n_~*

         Btw, I found a minor mistake:

"You’re to blind to see what’s right in front of your face,"

*Idea* "to blind" should be "too blind"! n_~*

         Anyway,it's a nice poem. Not very artistic or bombastic, but emotionally compelling. If you want, you could revise your poem so that it has more flair. Good job for now, keep writing! n_~*
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